But, you loved them, and therefore, they mattered.”
Usually, relationships are given worth and value if and only if they are ‘THE ONE’ in your life. This phenomenon is incorrect.
No matter what relationship status you shared, the point is that the person mattered because you cared about them. And moving away from someone you cared about, someone you thought was the world to you, is now not the same; that realization hurts.
If you are fresh out of a relationship and are thinking while wallowing in grief, how to get over an ex? Then know that you need to realize and come to terms with the fact that your relationship is over and done with.
No matter if you saw it coming from miles ahead, or it was just a bucket of ice-cold water dumped on your head, it happened. You are not together anymore.
Now, you may find yourself googling, ‘how to get over an ex?’ First of all, it is all going to be okay, not now, not in a week or probably a month or even a year, but eventually.
Knowing fully that it hurts to get over an ex, remember, there is no shortcut to it and no way that you can find an answer to ‘how to get over your ex fast?’ on the World Wide Web.
Following are a handful of things you should and shouldn’t do after you have been unfortunate enough to go through a break-up.
No timeline dictates how much time it will take to stop loving your ex and move on, but here are some healthy ways on how to get over your ex.
1. Add a handful of sad music to your playlist
As corny as it sounds, listening to sad music can be highly therapeutic.
Now you may ask, ‘how will it help me get over my ex?’ The thing is that we, as human beings, have a bucket load of emotions going through our bodies, but very few of us can express them. Singers and songwriters are amongst those few.
When we listen to those lyrics, it is as if they are speaking to us. They are giving words to every unspoken pain and emotion, and we feel elated. We feel as if others have been through what we are going through, and we are not alone in this abyss.
No matter how you both grew apart, no matter how messy and unsophisticated the break-up was. No matter how you two came to that point where you could not stay together, and no matter how much you despise that person right now, the truth is that you loved that person at one point in time.
Just like one needs to mourn a loved one after passing away, a break-up is like a passing away of a future, a future that you thought you would have.
Mourning is the next step when it comes to how to get over an ex. Lock yourself in your house, eat buckets of ice cream, cry yourself to sleep, stay in bed all week long, watch your old pictures and videos, be angry. Do all of this and more if you need to.
Please do not care about how long it takes to get over an ex. Just vent out your anger, frustration, pain, and be ready for the next step.
3. Get off social media
Stalking your crush or watching all the other couples being lovey-dovey is not going to help answer your question, ‘how to get over an ex?’
Take a well-deserved break from social media, and rest. Instagram and Facebook can be a haven for all the millennials when it comes to pass the time or just for pure entertainment; however, it can be a living hell if you are fresh out of a relationship and have not quite come to terms with it yet.
4. Cleanse your house
This is another important step when it comes to how to get over an ex.
Remember! Nothing good can come from hoarding your ex’s clothes, gifts, pictures, or other memorabilia. You may need them to mourn your loss, but now that portion of the process is done with, collect everything (be it yours, but it reminds you of your ex) and donate them to goodwill.
Burning or throwing them away is not healthy.
You have to overcome your grief by working on it, not by destroying things you once loved and cherished. Just think of it this way; it brought you joy once; now, it will bring joy to someone else.
5. Challenge yourself with something new
If you have been in a loving relationship for quite a while, you are comfortable with the way you look, you start to slack off, and you do not appreciate yourself anymore.
In such cases, a break-up is a wake-up call.
When you are done with steps 2 and 3, start working on yourself. Change a couple of things in your wardrobe, get a haircut, start going out, and enjoy the nightlife.
The best way to get over someone is to do things that you were apprehensive about while you were with your ex.
Going on a vacation, a change of scenery can be highly therapeutic, and you never know what mysteries the world has in store for you. It can make you forget your ex.
6. Think about all the nonsense you don’t have to put up with now
If it’s an early break-up, you may be reminiscing about your ex and the fantastic time your both had together.
But if you want to forget your ex, take a pen and notepad and write down all the nonsense you were dealing with.
Write down what annoyed you, things that weren’t right between you two, and most of all, write all the things (even the little ones) that drove you crazy.
You might start to believe that moving on from an ex is easy.
Your past love life can drag you down if you don’t keep your emotions in check. You may keep hating your ex, but getting over an ex will get more challenging if you can’t control your thoughts about them.
After love leaves you with loneliness, it becomes strange and frightening. Keeping your thoughts aligned and focused on the future can help you forget your ex.
9. Examine your boundaries
Do you think that people hurt you a lot, and then they leave you? Have you always been too nice, a giver, a caretaker, a sacrificial partner? Ask all these questions.
Analyze yourself and find out what’s going inside your head. Once you are done, then take a stroll back to the memory lane and examine your boundaries.
If you find them accidentally crossed, don’t stress. Just reorganize them in your mind. Sometimes people don’t realize that not having boundaries can drain a relationship. If you have made this mistake in the past, don’t repeat it after getting over your ex.
If your ex has been inside your apartment enough times that some sweet-sour memories are being jogged up by your mind every now and then, redecorate!
Changing a little furniture or decor or the color of the walls can help you. After upgrading your apartment, it won’t look the same as where you have created memories with your ex, and that’s precisely what you need to stop thinking about your ex.
11. Get a break-up coach
If your suffering is not too intense and your best friend or someone close to you can guide you through after break-up stages.
If you think you have no one to share your pain and loneliness with, hire a break-up coach. It will help you get answers to deep-rooted questions and help you understand why it doesn’t work out.
A break-up coach is the best way to get over someone.
15. Understand that you being angry is just the phase
You have finally realized that your ex-partner wasn’t suitable for you, and now you are mad. It will be helpful if you understand that being angry at your ex will not do any good to you.
You might feel the need to hurt them and tell them that what they did was wrong. You know now that you deserve better. No matter how many times you ask people how to get over your ex until you move past that anger, you will keep thinking about them.
16. Do not bargain your self-respect for something that is lost
If you are trying to move on, stop getting back to where you find yourself hoping for a reunion. If you think all is not lost after months of your break-up, you are clearly in denial.
Please understand that the chapter with your ex is over, and you have to stop living in the universe of “what ifs.”
Getting over an ex is already so complicated. Do not hurt yourself over and over again by trying to save something that has already been lost.
17. Keep your mental health in check
When you try to get over an ex, sadness is a familiar feeling. Letting go of your emotions for a person once you loved is hard.
You can feel lonely and find it hard to feel even an ounce of happiness. Most people do not realize when they slip through the cracks and get surrounded by depression.
Make sure that you are keeping tabs on your mental health if you think you are mentally restless or have any signs of depression. Consult with a professional.
People don’t try to forget their exes actively. Some people believe in feeling all the pain before they move on from an ex. Take your time but don’t slack off. Don’t get lazy and drown in the pool of sadness.
When you are moving on from an ex, make sure you stay busy. Laziness increases the feeling of misery and despair, and you should never let any of those feelings near you.
22. Establish a regular routine
Staying up late at night or getting up in the middle of an afternoon can extend the period of getting over an ex. It’s better to follow a routine and distribute your time consistently to be busy with something.
A lousy routine can affect your health. Following a routine will keep you healthy mentally and physically.
23. Stop talking about your relationship with anyone
When your anger levels, you feel frustrated and need to vent it out now and then.
Just remember that when you talk about your relationship with so much frustration, you tend to talk about all the bad things you have experienced with your ex.
Reliving all those bad moments can lead you to think more about your ex. If you don’t stop talking about your past relationship or your ex, you will never stop thinking about your ex.
24. Closure may or may not be the answer
Some people feel difficulties when they try to find how to move on from an ex because they didn’t get closure.
Please understand that closure or no closure, the journey from mourning the relationship to moving on without regrets, is entirely yours.
The best way to get over someone is to forget about the closure and focus on your life. If you keep waiting to get closure, there may be a chance that you try to be friends with your ex, and that never ends well.
25. Acceptance should be your motto
You can search for many ways to get over your ex, but nothing will work out until you have decided to go through the phase and come out as a winner.
It would help if you made peace with the fact that something was there, and now it isn’t. The day you don’t get disturbed by the thought of your ex will be the day you can finally move on from your ex.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.