Infidelity for many obvious reasons is looked down upon; it wrecks marriages. But most marriages break off because the spouse who has an affair is not honest about their doings and fail to put it behind them.
However, all hope is not lost. Infidelity is a huge thing to accept and forgive, especially when it comes as something you never expected from the love of your life. But, you can move on, and in many cases, people have reconciled and grown to have a stronger marriage post an infidelity episode.
When should you accept your partner’s apology?
Accepting the fact that someone who you love can cheat on you, is admittedly, a very hard thing to accept. In many cases, the cheating spouse acts like they are sorry, but in truth, they aren’t. If that is the case, then it is best to let go of your relationship, it is not worth your tears, trust, and peace of mind.
But, if you truly believe that your husband/wife is apologetic, and your marriage can survive this emotional setback, then consider recovering together. Only accept this and move on, after taking care of yourself.
Here are some tips:
- Expect true remorse from your partner. Let them realize that you are an asset, and you cannot be hurt like this repeatedly. Ask for space; make them realize your worth.
- Take care of yourself; you will feel pain. But you will recover!
- · Meet with your friends, discuss it with them. Don’t let bias cloud your judgment.
- Talk to your partner about why they did what they did. They may not know why, but if they are persistent they will never do it again, and you can get past this, let them in.
- Cry it out.
- If after staying apart for a considerable amount of time still makes you believe, you can recover from this pain and save your marriage, and you can!
How to deal with it
You can save your marriage even after your partner cheats on you, it is possible!
All it takes is your will to heal, redesign and understand why it happened. Marriages don’t end because they cheated, it ends because both of you couldn’t deal well with it.
Here’s what you should do, alongside your partner, after you both decide to give your marriage another chance:
- Seek support, such as counseling and therapy. Talk to a marriage therapist, discuss and try to understand why it happened and what you both can do effectively to ensure a happier marriage. Was it because you both were too busy to prioritize each other? Family crisis? Understand.
- Infidelity is devastating and painful, so take it slow. Set boundaries in your relationship, allow your partner to earn your respect again.
- Take care of your children, support them and make them believe that you will be okay.
- If you’ve decided to reconcile, stay away from the blame game. That will only slow down the entire process and make things worse.
- The pain may be too much for you so you may have post-traumatic stress. Consult with your doctor as soon as possible.
- Be practical. Do you really want this? Don’t let emotions guide you.
Infidelity is one of the most destructive and painful things a marriage can suffer. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t recover, but that can only, truly happen if your partner chooses never to hurt you again and you choose to believe and trust them; trust is the foundation of any relationship for a reason. You both must decide all the changes you must make to reach where you want to be, and have a stronger, more loving marriage!
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.