13 Signs Your Partner Is a Sexual Narcissist & How to Deal

You may have heard someone refer to another person as a narcissist, and perhaps you have even heard of narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissistic personality disorder is a condition characterized by an extreme need for admiration and attention combined with arrogant, self-centered behavior.

In relationships, this may translate into the need for admiration in the form of sex. A sexual narcissist may display signs associated with a narcissistic personality disorder, and it can be helpful to know if you may be in a relationship with someone who has these traits.

What is a sexual narcissist?

If we talk about sexual narcissism meaning, a sexual narcissist is someone who displays signs of sexual narcissistic personality disorder. More specifically, such a person has an extreme need for others to admire them for their sexual performance. 

A person with this form of narcissism will have a grandiose sense of their own sexual abilities, and they have little empathy for the feelings of their partners when it comes to sex. 

Finally, a sexual narcissist will be willing to exploit others to have their sexual needs met, and they feel entitled, meaning they feel their partners should comply with their sexual demands without question. 

It is crucial to keep in mind that while sexual narcissism is not an official mental health diagnosis, it does demonstrate some features of narcissistic personality disorder. 

It has been established through the development of the sexual narcissism scale, which is a valid measure for predicting who might be a sexual narcissist. 

One study found that the sexual narcissism scale shows that sexual narcissism is a distinct category of narcissism and that people who score high on sexual narcissism are more likely to display sexual aggression. 

Is your partner a sexual narcissist?

If you feel you may be having sex with a narcissist, you may be starting to wonder if your partner has a sexual narcissistic personality disorder. 

Since reading this article, you must have felt that you are in a relationship with one. The thought of it might make you nervous, but if you have doubts, you must clear them.

In order to determine the answer to this question, there are some signs to look for in your partner that we will be checking out in the following section.

13 signs your partner may be a sexual narcissist

Before we discuss sexual narcissism, it’s important to note that the presence of one or more signs doesn’t necessarily mean someone is a sexual narcissist, but these signs may be indicative of such behavior. 

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Below are 13 potential signs that your partner may be a sexual narcissist. If you notice these signs in your partner, you may seek professional help to deal with this complex situation.

1. Your significant other ignores you after sex

Remember that a sexual narcissist receives validation and fulfills their need for admiration through sex. This means that after they have had sex, they have had their needs met and no longer need anything from you at that moment. 

In the context of a long-term relationship, this means that post-sex behavior with a sexual narcissist may involve the narcissist leaving the room or even leaving the house instead of cuddling or engaging in post-sex conversation or connection. 

So, one of the signs of narcissistic partners is that they no longer want to stay with you after having sex. This can be a way for the narcissist to withhold intimacy since the sex is only about the ego gratification the narcissist receives instead of an intimate, emotional connection. 

2. Your partner is repeatedly unfaithful

A sexual narcissist needs to receive affirmation through sex. This means that a partner who is high in sexual narcissism may repeatedly stray from the relationship in order to seek out additional validation from other sexual partners. 

When the narcissist cheats, they likely feel little remorse and will blame their partner for the infidelity instead of taking responsibility for the pain they have caused. 

3. Sex is all about your partner’s needs 

Since narcissistic sex lacks empathy, if your partner is a sexual narcissist, your sex life will center on your partner’s needs and desires. You may see weird things narcissists do sexually when you have them as a partner.

Your partner may be fixated on their own fantasies and fetishes and will never ask you what you prefer to do sexually. 

4. Your partner will make you feel guilty for expressing your needs 

Another fact about narcissists and sex is that they will likely make you feel guilty for standing up for your needs or wants within the relationship. 

They may tell you that you are high maintenance if you express a sexual desire, or they might accuse you of being selfish if you do not give in to their demands. 

5. Rejecting them sexually leads to emotional outbursts or even abuse 

Rejecting a narcissist sexually is likely to result in an emotionally charged response since the sexual narcissist relies on sexual performance to inflate their self-esteem. 

If you refuse to have sex with a narcissist or give in to their sexual demands, they are likely to become hysterical with emotion or anger. They may even manipulate you or force you into giving in to their demands. 

6. Your partner is very charming

One reason that people can fall for a sexual narcissist is that they are so charming. Your partner may be incredibly charismatic in order to win you over and manipulate you to participate in their sexual fantasies. 

They may shower you with attention, gifts, and praise at the beginning of the relationship to reel you in, only for you to later find out that the sexual narcissist only cares about their own needs and cares very little about you. 

7. Your significant other seems to be performing when you have sex 

A person with a sexual narcissistic personality disorder has a strong need for approval from others, so you may find that they put on an award-winning performance during sex. 

They may be fixated on their performance and frequently ask for praise about their performance in bed. What turns on a narcissist sexually is the praise they get from their partner.

Similarly, if they perceive any sort of criticism of their sexual performance or feel that they have not received the praise they deserve, they may become enraged. 

8. Physical qualities, rather than emotional connection, are the focus of sex

Another key feature of sexual narcissism is that people with this trait will be focused on physical performance during sex, with no concern for emotional connection, vulnerability, or tenderness. 

Given this fact, sexual narcissists expect both themselves and their partners to be physically perfect, and they have little tolerance for imperfections in physical appearance or performance during sex.

9. Your partner criticizes your sexual performance

A narcissist needs to be superior to others in order to compensate for their own insecurities, so a sexual narcissist may criticize your performance in bed to make you feel inferior and gain greater control over you. 

For instance, the sexual narcissist may tell you that your performance did not measure up and that you need to try harder to please them in bed next time. 

It is important to them because part of what turns on a narcissist is being able to exert dominance over their partners during sex. 

10. You feel that your entire life centers around serving the narcissist 

If you are in a relationship with a sexual narcissist, you will likely feel as if you serve at their beck and call. You are expected to be available whenever they want to have sex, or they will react with anger or accuse you of being selfish. 

They may also give you the cold shoulder or threaten to withhold affection if you are not always available for them. 

11. Your partner lacks interest in your pleasure or satisfaction

A sexual narcissist tends to be solely focused on their own gratification, neglecting your pleasure or satisfaction in the sexual relationship. 

They may disregard your desires, preferences, or emotional needs during intimate moments, as their primary concern is their own pleasure and validation. This one-sided approach to sex can lead to a sense of emotional neglect and dissatisfaction for their partner, emphasizing the narcissist’s self-centered nature in the bedroom.

12. Your partner engages in coercive or manipulative sexual tactics

Sexual narcissists may resort to coercive or manipulative tactics to ensure their needs are met. This can involve pressuring you into specific sexual activities, using guilt to make you comply with their desires, or manipulating situations to gain sexual control. 

Such behavior further underscores the narcissistic need for power and dominance in the sexual relationship, leaving their partner feeling manipulated and disempowered.

13. Your partner is excessively focused on appearance and image

Sexual narcissists often prioritize physical appearance and sexual image over emotional connection. They may excessively groom themselves, insist on certain looks or attire during sex, and place significant importance on external factors like body aesthetics. 

The obsession with appearance can create an environment where superficiality reigns, overshadowing the importance of emotional intimacy and genuine connection in the sexual relationship. Partners may feel objectified, valued only for their physical attributes rather than their emotional depth.

5 ways to deal with a sexual narcissist

If your partner shows signs of sexual narcissism, keep in mind that this is not a diagnosis but rather a trait associated with a narcissistic personality disorder. That being said, narcissism, in general, is associated with abusive and aggressive sexual behaviors. 

For example, one study found that narcissists who showed a strong need to be superior to their rivals were more likely to engage in sexually aggressive behaviors. This can make narcissistic sexual abuse an unfortunate reality, and people talk about such narcissism and sexual abuse together. 

Dealing with a sexual narcissist can be challenging, but there are ways to mitigate their behavior and protect your well-being. Here are five strategies to consider:

1. Establish boundaries

Clearly communicate your expectations and limits. Assertively express what you are comfortable with and what crosses the line. Stand firm and enforce these boundaries to ensure your own emotional and physical safety.

2. Seek support

Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer guidance and empathy. Sharing your experiences with others can provide validation and help you navigate the complexities of dealing with a sexual narcissist.

3. Prioritize self-care

Engage in activities that promote your overall well-being and help you regain control. Self-care practices such as exercise, mindfulness, therapy, or creative outlets can restore your emotional energy and strengthen your resilience.

4. Educate yourself

Gain knowledge about narcissistic personality disorder and its patterns of behavior. Understanding the manipulative tactics utilized by a sexual narcissist can empower you to recognize and respond to their actions more effectively.

Watch this video where Dr. Les Carter, a clinical psychotherapist, best-selling author, and narcissism expert, shares his thoughts on narcissists who are sexual manipulators:

5. Consider professional help

If the impact of dealing with a sexual narcissist becomes overwhelming, seeking the support of a therapist can be beneficial. A trained professional can provide guidance, validate your experiences, and help you develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Remember, dealing with a sexual narcissist can be emotionally draining, so prioritizing your well-being, setting boundaries, and seeking support are vital steps toward protecting yourself and maintaining your mental health.

FAQs

Understanding the behavioral and psychological aspects of narcissism is crucial when exploring its impact on relationships and sexuality. Below, we’ll provide concise answers to frequently asked questions about narcissists and their sexual behavior.

• Are narcissists promiscuous?

Narcissists tend to crave attention, validation, and admiration from others. This need for constant validation may drive some narcissists to engage in promiscuous behavior to boost their ego and reinforce their sense of self-worth. 

However, it’s important to remember that not all narcissists are promiscuous, as each individual’s behavior and choices can vary.

• What turns a narcissist sexually?

Narcissists typically view sexual encounters as an opportunity to fulfill their own desires and maintain control over their partners. 

They may seek partners who can give them constant admiration and attention or reinforce their grandiose self-image. Narcissists may also be attracted to situations or acts that allow them to exert dominance or manipulate others sexually.

Summary

If you are in a relationship with a sexual narcissist, you have probably picked up on narcissistic sexual behavior, such as lack of intimacy, ongoing infidelity, sexual manipulation, and a relationship that is based entirely on your partner’s needs. 

If this is the case, you have a right to a healthy relationship, and you have a right to stand up for your own desires. 

You may be able to seek therapy to help you learn ways to set healthy boundaries and recover from the emotional wounds of sex with a narcissist. 

If your partner is willing to make changes and honor your boundaries, you may be able to improve the relationship. If not, ending the relationship may be the only option.

If you have been forced to have sex against your will at any time, understand that this is a crime that should be reported to authorities.

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Jennifer Schulz LCSW

Dr. Jenni Schulz is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she earned her Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology from National University. She has worked in the social work field for 14 years and is currently a professor at Ashland University.... Read more She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness. Dr. Schulz is licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and a school social worker through Ohio Department of Education. She currently works primarily as a crisis therapist at her local hospital and jail, while engaging in mental health consulting virtually. Read less

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