14 Narcissist Cheating Signs to Look Out For
Do you suspect your partner may be cheating on you? Do they tend to disappear for days on end and not answer your calls until they return? Do they get all accusatory when you confront them about disappearances and unfaithful behavior?
Are they constantly glued to their phone and shady on social media?
As much as you may not want to hear it, you may be dealing with a cheating narcissist.
These are only some of the common narcissist cheating signs. But before exploring them, let’s dig deeper into narcissistic cheater traits and the reasons for infidelity.
Who is a narcissistic person?
Narcissistic people often feel entitled and superior to others and have a massive ego that they need to feed regularly. They crave constant attention and want people to admire them.
They are self-centered and manipulative and often project their infidelity to their partner.
They feel the need to control their partner, and that power trip isn’t satisfied with just one person. The more people they seduce, the more powerful they feel.
Do narcissists feel remorse for cheating on their partners?
Unfortunately, they don’t.
If they felt any guilt, they would perhaps be able to change their behavior and stop cheating.
No consequence is enough to turn them around because, in their eyes, cheating isn’t anything serious. It’s just a way to make them feel better about themselves.
And since they lack remorse for their actions, nothing stops them from doing it again.
Why do narcissists cheat and lie?
Narcissists often cheat because they have little to no self-control. It’s not usually in their nature to resist the temptation to feed their ego with new sources of attention.
Poor impulse control, a big ego, exaggerated feelings of self-importance, delusions of grandeur, lack of remorse, empathy, and shame, and a constant need for narcissistic supply are the key reasons why do narcissists lie and cheat on their partners.
Most of all, they simply think they can get away with it.
Now that you have a better idea of why narcissists lie and cheat, you may be wondering about narcissistic spouse cheating.
Do all narcissists cheat on their partners?
Narcissists and cheating often go hand in hand, but you’ll be happy to know that not all narcissists cheat.
You wouldn’t say that all cheaters are narcissists, would you? The same goes the other way around.
Just because your partner may have some narcissistic cheater traits doesn’t mean that they’re going to sneak behind your back and become unfaithful.
Still, a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) does make a person more likely to lie and cheat for no good reason and do it repeatedly. Hence, many see narcissistic personality disorder and cheating as going hand-in-hand.
14 signs a narcissist is cheating on you
Life Coach and Marriage Therapist Jaclyn Hunt highlights,
If you are questioning a partner’s faithfulness, whether or not they cheated, means there is something fundamentally wrong in the relationship.
However, knowing narcissist cheating signs and how to recognize that your partner may be having an affair can save you a lot of potential pain and heartache.
These are the telltale narcissist cheating signs you should be aware of:
1. Disappearing frequently and being vague about their whereabouts
The first in the list of narcissist cheating signs is that many cheating narcissists tend to drop off the face of the Earth regularly and not take their partner’s calls for hours or days on end.
Even if you live together, they may not find it difficult to find excuses to go away for several days. They could say they’re visiting a friend or a distant relative who lives in another city.
Obviously, they don’t need to disappear for long periods to have an affair. But if they’re unreachable for hours, they may be seeing someone else.
2. Flirting on social media
Flirting with someone else on social media may be a sign a narcissist is cheating on you.
You know what they say, “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”
If you confront your partner about it, they may say that they’re only friends. However, if they’re publicly flirting on social media, it only means they don’t respect you or care about what you or others might think.
3. Not putting their phone down or letting you anywhere near it
One of the narcissist cheating signs, or for anyone in general, is that when anyone is cheating, they usually communicate with their flings via text messages. That’s why their phone isn’t likely to leave their side. It’s also always password-protected.
If there’s a chance of their fling calling, they’re likely to keep their phone in silent mode and inside their pocket.
4. Accusing you of having an affair
“The best defense is a good offense.”
If you accuse your narcissistic partner of having an affair, they’re probably going to deny it, even if it’s true.
But to turn the focus away from their infidelity, they might start accusing you of cheating. Projection is a narcissist’s defense mechanism and clearly one of the narcissist cheating signs that they use to play the victim and throw you off the scent.
5. Sudden changes in behavior
Has your partner started paying much more attention to their hygiene and appearance? Have they started being sneaky and coming home late? Maybe they no longer answer their phone while you’re around?
If you notice any unusual behavior changes that indicate infidelity, and your gut is telling you that something fishy is going on, it may be one of those narcissist cheating signs, and you may be right.
6. Sudden changes in libido
If your partner suddenly seems uninterested in you physically, they may be satisfying their needs elsewhere.
The same is true if they start displaying a higher libido than usual. It may mean that the person they’re cheating you with isn’t currently available, so they turn to you again.
7. Canceling plans frequently
Whether you’re dating a cheating narcissist or you’re married to one, canceling plans at the last minute may be one of the signs of a narcissist cheating, as they’ve made other plans.
They may say it’s because of work or anything else important that came up. While that may be true at times, it screams infidelity if it happens all the time.
8. Avoiding a conversation about their cagey behavior
Confronting a narcissist about lies, cheating, and cagey behavior only makes them behave shadier. They rarely want to talk things out because they aren’t likely to admit they’re seeing someone else, which is one of the important signs of a cheating narcissist.
If you accuse your partner of cheating, you may give them an excellent excuse to disappear for a while to avoid having a serious conversation.
9. Showering you with gifts out of the blue
If your partner isn’t used to buying you gifts, but they start doing it frequently, they may be trying to throw you off the scent of their unfaithful actions.
Making you feel special all of a sudden is one of the most common manipulation techniques of a narcissist. They make their partners think they’re thoughtful and caring and that they would never cheat on them.
10. Mysteriously spending more money behind your back
If you’re dating a cheating narcissist, you probably don’t have an insight into their spending. But if you’re married to one and discover unidentifiable charges on their credit card, they may be buying gifts for someone else.
Talking about finances is essential in marriage, but such signs of a cheating narcissist are true if they insist you switch to separate bank accounts after having a joint account for years.
11. Gaslighting you constantly
Gaslighting, a manipulative tactic, involves making someone doubt their perceptions or sanity.
For instance, if you express concern about your partner’s behavior and they respond with, “You’re just being paranoid; you always overthink things,” it’s a form of gaslighting. This tactic aims to deflect responsibility and make you question your intuition, which can be emotionally distressing.
In such situations, it’s crucial to seek support and validate your feelings with a trusted friend or therapist to maintain your emotional well-being.
Life Coach and Relationship Therapist Jaclyn Hunt points out,
Whenever there are inconsistencies in a relationship, it is normal to question them. Trust your instincts.
12. Increased need for validation
In a relationship with a narcissist who might be cheating, you may notice an increased need for external validation. They may seek attention and compliments from others, perhaps excessively flirting with people of the opposite sex, even in your presence.
The constant need for validation often stems from their fragile self-esteem and the need to boost it through external admiration. For example, they might constantly fish for compliments from coworkers, making it evident that they crave validation beyond what’s healthy in a committed relationship.
13. Excessive flirting
Excessive flirting in a narcissistic relationship can manifest as your partner constantly engaging in playful or suggestive interactions with others, often in your presence. This behavior serves to boost their ego and seek external validation.
For instance, your partner might excessively compliment someone at a social gathering, making them the center of attention while disregarding your feelings. This behavior can erode trust and intimacy, and it’s crucial to address these concerns openly and honestly in therapy to maintain a healthy relationship.
14. Unexplained expenses
If a narcissist is cheating on you, there might be financial discrepancies that may suggest infidelity.
For instance, if you notice unexplained and unusually high expenses, such as hotel bills, gifts, or dinners, it could indicate a hidden affair. These expenditures often occur without a clear justification within the shared financial context of the relationship.
It’s crucial to address these financial irregularities honestly and directly with your partner while maintaining a calm and understanding demeanor to seek clarity and resolution in your relationship.
Watch this video to learn more about finances in relationships:
What happens when you confront a narcissist cheater?
If you notice any of the red flags above and they turn out to be true, it’s important to understand that cheating is not your fault. Most narcissists will cheat on anyone they’re with, especially when the relationship or marriage is already well-established.
It’s also crucial to understand that being cheated on by a narcissist doesn’t mean that you’re less intelligent than they are.
Quite the contrary.
Narcissists often think they’re cleverer than their partners and that they can get away with cheating. Underestimating their partners is how they make mistakes and get caught.
Now, confronting a narcissist cheater may not go the way you imagine.
Life Coach Jaclyn Hunt points out,
Never confront a narcissist on your own. Have the support of a trusted confidant to back you up. Seek out the help of a professional and don’t blame yourself. These types of relationships are common and very difficult to manage.
When a narcissist is caught cheating and lying, they often make up a heap of more lies to convince you that they’ve been nothing but faithful. Even if you have evidence of cheating, they’re likely to deny everything and even project their infidelity onto you.
Getting angry and gaslighting you may also be their response. But what happens when they can no longer deny the evidence? What if you catch them in the act?
Then, they might blame you for their cheating.
They may think of a dozen reasons why it was allegedly your behavior that made them seek attention outside your relationship or marriage. Narcissists will say anything to turn the focus away from them and blame it on someone else.
FAQs
Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, especially when it comes to honesty and trust. Let’s explore some common questions related to narcissistic behavior and deception.
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What are the long-term effects of narcissistic cheating?
Narcissistic cheating can have profound and lasting impacts. Victims may experience emotional trauma, eroded self-esteem, and trust issues that persist well beyond the relationship. Rebuilding one’s emotional well-being can be a lengthy process, often requiring therapy and support.
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How do you know when a narcissist is lying?
Narcissists are skilled at manipulation, but signs of lying may include inconsistencies in their stories, excessive defensiveness, avoiding eye contact, or a sudden change in behavior. Trust your instincts and look for patterns of deceit.
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What kind of lies do narcissists tell?
Narcissists tell a range of lies, from trivial fabrications to more significant falsehoods. Common lies include exaggerations of achievements, denial of wrongdoing, or blaming others for their mistakes. They lie to maintain their self-image and control.
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What happens when a narcissist lies?
When narcissists lie, it often serves their agenda to manipulate and maintain a favorable self-image. Lies can damage relationships, erode trust, and lead to emotional turmoil for those involved. Confronting a narcissistic spouse can be met with defensiveness and further manipulation.
Final takeaway
If you can, try to talk with your partner
These narcissist cheating signs may not always indicate an affair. But if your partner displays those signs, you should have an honest talk with them to try and find out the reasons for their behavior. The way they respond when you confront them should tell you if they’ve been faithful or not.
If you want to work on your relationship, you should see a mental health professional or a relationship counselor to sort things out, especially if the relationship is not an abusive one.
But even if they haven’t been cheating, you may be better off without them. You deserve a loving, caring, and loyal partner who respects you and makes you happy.
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