Marriage is bliss.
This saying is far from the truth.
Marriage is hard work, and just like everything that comes after working hard, there are rewards.
Whoever said that marriage is about unicorns and rainbows are people who believe in unicorns and rainbow connections. But for us mortals living in the real world, marriage is a partnership. A state-endorsed legally binding contract between two people that promises to walk through all the hardships of life together.
It’s a tricky proposition entrusting your life, finances, future, and children to someone else. If for some reason, things didn’t work out as planned, then it may get worse, including one or both partners suffering from depression in marriage.
Here are some factors that could be leading to depression in a marriage-
1. A cheating partner
This is the first and most common cause of depression for a married person. It’s pretty self-explanatory, there’s plenty to say, but nothing that most adults don’t already know. You don’t have to be a licensed psychologist to understand how a cheating partner will cause anxiety, anger, that eventually leads to clinical depression.
2. Financial problems
A lot of people have problems with money, especially newlyweds with infants. They say money can’t buy happiness, that may true, but not having any, will make you miserable.
Read More: Is money becoming a problem in your marriage?
Even without envy, seeing your loved ones suffer because you don’t even have the money to feed yourselves is certainly depressing. Whatever the reasons for your lack of resources, that is another issue altogether.
If you continue to feel miserable and start blaming the world, the government, and the rich brats on TV for your circumstances, then nothing is going to change. No sorry, that’s wrong. Things will get worse.
You will start believing in the lies you tell yourself. It’s not someone else’s responsibility to take care of you and your family. If you keep saying that lie, you will start believing that it is your right to live a great life and it’s somebody else’s job to make it happen.
Since it’s just a lie, a defense mechanism to stroke your ego, when the real world intersects with your imagination, and the lie is stronger, you will fall into a deep depression.
So don’t fall into this trap, work with your family and make things better for yourselves by doing something about it.
3. Problem child
Children are blessings and treasures. They are an extension of ourselves that we wish will to live on when we are gone. They are proof of our existence and the hope for the future.
That is until they go down the wrong path and live a life that brings trouble to everyone around them, including their parents.
A wayward child could lead to depression in marriage for obvious reasons. A married couple’s goal is to build a life and family together. That child is the fruit of their love and reflection of their relationship.
So, if their beloved offspring starred in the front page news in a really bad way, then some parents can’t help but blame themselves for it.
This blame grows into regret and could lead to depression.
It is a complex problem, changing yourself is difficult, but not impossible. Changing someone else is twice as hard. It’s a daunting task and parents can’t help but feel responsible, and the more they fail, the more likely they will get depressed.
The family has to stick together and start all over again. Disciplining a child, especially one in their teens is a demanding venture. There’s simply no other choice. It is one of those problems that get worse if ignored. Consider seeking professional help.
Death in the family
Each married person belongs to two nuclear families. One as a parent and the other as a child. There are dysfunctional families, but most go through life with loving parents and grow up to be responsible adults and caring parents themselves.
Like all good things, it all must come to an end. Death is universal, and it happens to the best of us. The greater the love, the harder the loss. It doesn’t matter who it is, what matters is our love and bond with the deceased.
What happens if someone or everyone in a nuclear family is hit hard by the passing of a loved one? Gloomy as it sounds, it’s not unthinkable. They say time heals all wounds, but ironically, time itself takes its own time getting there.
So how does one deal with temporary depressions that affected everyone we cared about?
One wrong way is by dealing with it alone. Shared pain is best handled as a family.
Do not be afraid nor embarrassed to show how you truly feel. Nobody in the family needs to be the “strong one” They can be strong and vulnerable together. A nuclear family is a unit. It can act and react as a unit. There is no shame in that, in fact, there is pride in such a united front.
An abusive family member
Nothing is more depressing than betrayal. Pain is hardest to take when it’s coming from someone you trust. Living together with an abusive family member makes the victim feel trapped and helpless for years.
There are several variations of this.
It’s possible that a victim can suffer more than one or all of the above. Another issue is, it can go on for a long time before being discovered.
If someone you care about is a victim of family abuse, how do you deal with it? It’s a complicated scenario. Another family member can go to jail or taken away for protective custody.
Shame and the fear of government intervention are the main reasons why others keep their mouth shut.
Others believe it’s better to live in hell together than break the family apart.
It’s sad, but there’s no easy solution for this, depending on the severity of the problem. A third-party may need to get involved. One thing is for sure, the longer it goes on, the more likely something really bad will happen.
There are many factors that could lead to depression in marriage, it can come from internal and external sources. Consult professionals before things get worse. Trust me, it always does.