How to Get Over Betrayal in Relationships: 17 Helpful Tips

Are you aware of the various aspects of ‘What does betrayal mean in a romantic relationship?’ Is it only infidelity, adultery, or cheating? Not really. Betrayal may come in many forms. Your partner running into somebody else’s arms indeed feels like the highest form of betrayal.

But how about not making the relationship a priority? Breaking promises and marriage vows? Emotional cheating or financial infidelity? Lying or withholding information? Disclosing personal information that’s been shared in confidence?

All of these are some of the different types of relationship betrayals. If your partner has betrayed you in any of these ways, you might be wondering how to get over betrayal in a relationship and why betrayal hurts so much.

So, how do you get past the betrayal, and what are the ways of healing from betrayal trauma? we encourage you to keep reading. In this article, we’ll explore why betrayal hurts so badly and have a look at some steps to get over betrayal in a relationship.

What does betrayal mean in a relationship?

Betrayal in a relationship refers to the act of breaking trust, often through deceit, disloyalty, or the violation of shared expectations. 

Betrayal meaning involves a breach of the emotional or moral contract between partners, causing hurt, disappointment, and a sense of abandonment. 

Betrayal can take various forms, such as infidelity, dishonesty, or neglecting one’s commitments. Its impact can be profound, eroding the foundation of the relationship and leading to feelings of anger, sadness, and loss. 

Rebuilding trust after betrayal can be challenging and may require open communication, accountability, and a willingness to work through the pain to heal and potentially salvage the relationship.

What is betrayal trauma?

Betrayal trauma is a psychological concept that refers to the emotional and psychological distress experienced when someone we trust deeply violates that trust, often through actions such as infidelity, deception, or abuse. This form of trauma can lead to intense feelings of hurt, confusion, and a sense of betrayal by someone close. 

It can have long-lasting effects on an individual’s mental and emotional well-being, impacting their ability to trust others in the future. Therapy and support are often necessary to heal from the effects of betrayal trauma.

To learn more about betrayal trauma, click here. 

9 signs of betrayal in relationships

Recognizing signs of betrayal in a relationship can be crucial for addressing issues and making informed decisions. Here are nine common signs to watch for:

1. Secretive behavior

When a partner becomes excessively secretive, it often means they’re concealing something. For instance, they may guard their phone, set a password you’re not aware of, or quickly close screens when you approach, indicating they’re hiding messages, calls, or online activities.

2. Emotional distance

A sudden emotional disconnect can indicate betrayal. If your partner is avoiding eye contact, refusing to engage in meaningful conversations, or showing indifference when you’re upset, it suggests they may be emotionally invested elsewhere.

3. Change in communication

When communication patterns shift significantly, such as fewer texts, calls, or reduced sharing of thoughts and feelings, it implies a breakdown in emotional connection or a diversion of attention.

4. Lies and deception

Discovering lies or inconsistencies in their stories raises red flags. For example, they may claim to be working late but are seen elsewhere, or their explanations don’t add up when questioned about their actions.

5. Lack of intimacy

A decline in physical affection and intimacy can be indicative of betrayal. Your partner may avoid physical contact, reject advances, or show disinterest in maintaining the physical connection you once shared.

6. Changes in routine

Unexplained changes in their daily schedule or frequent unaccounted-for absences can be alarming. For instance, they may start spending more time away from home, offering vague excuses for their whereabouts.

7. Defensiveness

If your partner becomes defensive or avoids discussing their behavior when you express concerns, it may imply they’re hiding something. They might deflect questions or accuse you of being overly suspicious to divert attention from their actions.

8. Unexplained expenses

Unusual financial transactions, like hidden credit card charges or withdrawals, may indicate betrayal. These expenses could be related to activities or purchases they’re trying to keep secret.

9. Intuition

Sometimes, your gut feeling can be a powerful indicator. If you have a persistent sense that something is amiss in the relationship, even without concrete evidence, it’s essential to trust your instincts and address the issue with open communication.

Keep in mind that these signs may not always indicate betrayal, and it’s essential to have open and honest communication with your partner to address any concerns or doubts you may have.

Why does betrayal hurt so much?

Betrayal in love (and in general) means violating someone’s trust and confidence. When people get into a committed relationship, they agree upon a certain level of commitment.

They make agreements in good faith and believe that both partners will hold up their end of the bargain. So, when one partner can’t commit to what they’ve promised, the betrayed partner’s world turns upside down( understandably so).

Research Highlight= Research shows that experiencing betrayal can destroy a person’s self-esteem and make them question their self-worth. The betrayed partner starts to doubt everything the betrayer says and does. The breach of trust has done a number on the relationship, and heartbreak’s pain is no less painful than physical pain.

Both partners respect and live by similar core values in any healthy relationship and trust that the other person won’t deliberately hurt them. When someone betrays their partner’s trust, it shakes the foundation of the relationship.

It feels like we’ve put our trust in someone who didn’t deserve it. It leaves us feeling shocked, confused, and insecure. How can we trust people again after someone so close has shattered our trust?

We start to live in constant fear of betrayal. All humans crave emotional intimacy and connection. A partner’s betrayal makes it difficult to trust people, preventing us from forming meaningful relationships.

Losing our trust is a terrible loss, and that’s why betrayal hurts so much—wondering how to get over betrayal in a relationship? Let’s get to it.

17 tips to get over betrayal in relationships 

There are no specific guidelines on how to get over a betrayal in a relationship since the road to recovery is different for everyone. But following these 15 steps will help you to recover from betrayal in a relationship.  

1. Acknowledge the betrayal

Someone you trusted with all your heart has betrayed you and smashed your heart into smithereens. It’s devastating, yet you find it unbelievable. You can’t understand how and why your partner would do something like this to you.

So, you resort to denial. No matter if the betrayer had intentionally hurt you or not, your trust has been violated. Acknowledging it is the first step to heal from the betrayal trauma and move past it. 

2. Name your emotions

How do you feel about the betrayal? Angry? Shocked? Sad? Disgusted? Ashamed? You might experience a whirlwind of emotions.

Instead of trying to deny or suppress them, name them. Don’t use denial to conceal hurt feelings. It’s crucial when you’re trying to get over a betrayal in a relationship.

Coach Dionne Eleanor states that,

 Suppressed and ignored emotions can lead to emotional and physical health challenges later.

3. Don’t blame yourself

When someone betrays you, your self-esteem takes a hit. It’s normal to blame yourself for your partner’s actions.

While replaying the betrayal in your mind, you might feel like if you were fulfilling your partner’s emotional and physical needs, they wouldn’t be resorting to somebody else.

But betrayal is always a choice. A bad relationship doesn’t give anybody a free pass to do whatever they want. 

4. Spend some time apart

If you are wondering how to deal with betrayal, then remember that it would be best if you had some time to process what has happened. No matter how desperately your partner tries to contact you and ask for forgiveness, don’t give in.

Let them know that you need some time alone to process and think clearly. It doesn’t mean you’ve decided to break up with them. Taking time away helps you to come to terms with the betrayal and find clarity.

Recovering from betrayal in marriage isn’t easy. You’re torn between leaving the relationship and repairing the damage.

Whatever you end up doing, taking some time away is crucial to your mental health and emotional well-being.

5. Grieve the loss of trust 

People grieve the death of their loved ones because losing someone close is a loss. Betrayal is also a loss of trust, and it’s normal to experience grief after being betrayed.

So, be prepared to go through the five stages of grief- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance while getting over a betrayal in a relationship. Not everyone goes through all of them. You might not even experience them in this order.

But allow yourself to grieve in your own way so that you can deal with the loss in a healthy way.

6. Set up boundaries

Setting boundaries after betrayal is essential to protect your emotional well-being and regain a sense of control. 

For example, if your partner betrayed your trust through infidelity, a boundary could involve specifying what behavior is unacceptable moving forward, such as no contact with the person they cheated with. It communicates your expectations and helps establish a framework for rebuilding trust. 

7. Avoid the temptation to retaliate

You are probably already aware of the saying, ‘An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.’ You must be furious with your partner for betraying your trust. It’s normal to feel the urge to inflict pain upon your betrayer and make them suffer.

While there are many positive ways of getting over betrayal in a relationship, retaliation isn’t one of them. If anything, it’ll only delay your healing process. No matter how angry you are, don’t resort to betraying your betrayer.

8. Prioritize self-care

Self-care is essential for healing from betrayal. It involves prioritizing activities that promote your physical and emotional well-being. 

For instance, regular exercise can release endorphins, improving your mood. Meditation and relaxation techniques, like deep breathing exercises, can help reduce stress and anxiety. 

Additionally, engaging in hobbies and interests you love, whether it’s painting, hiking, or reading, can provide a sense of fulfillment and distraction from the pain of betrayal. By caring for yourself, you build resilience and create a foundation for emotional recovery.

9. Open up to someone you trust

Being deceived by someone you love might make you feel like you can’t trust anybody at all. But, seeking emotional support from your loved ones is a crucial factor in the recovery process.

If you feel ashamed and don’t want to share the gory details of your partner’s betrayal, you don’t have to. Just talk about how you think about the incident. However, make sure you speak to someone who can stay neutral and offer you their brutally honest opinion instead of adding fuel to the fire.

No trusted confidant around? You can always confide in a relationship expert and ask how to get over betrayal in a relationship.

10. Develop a plan to overcome betrayal

Now that you’ve had some time to process the incident, it’s time to devise a plan for recovering from betrayal. Yes, you still are feeling betrayed, shocked, and devastated. You’re having a hard time coping with betrayal.

But you can’t heal if you keep dwelling on how they’ve wronged you or reliving that painful memory by replaying it in your head. It’s time to decide how you want to move forward. Do you want to forgive your partner and rebuild the relationship?

Are you thinking of a temporary separation, or do you want to end it for good? Do you want to start meditation and journaling? Want to take a therapist’s help to heal your broken heart? Figure it out and get ready to begin healing.

11. Reflect upon things

Once you feel in control of your emotions again, it’s a good idea to spend some time engaging in introspection. Reflect on your relationship, how things were before the betrayal, and how things need to change if you want to give your partner a chance to redeem themself.

When you’re dealing with betrayal and thinking, ‘How to get over a betrayal in a relationship,’ it’s normal to feel like your partner wouldn’t hurt you like this if you did things differently. 

While there’s plenty of scope for improvement for all of us, your partner’s betrayal is their choice and has nothing to do with your self-worth or behavior.

If there were issues in your relationship before the betrayal took place, both of you need to find ways to fix the problems if you want to continue the relationship. But your partner needs to take responsibility for their actions and show genuine remorse first.

Related Reading: https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/worst-lies-in-a-relationship/

12. Have a conversation with your partner

You might not feel comfortable with the idea of confronting the person who betrayed you. But, for your peace of mind, it’s important to communicate with your partner and let them know how their actions made you feel.

If they’ve been asking you to listen to them, you can give them a chance to tell their side of the story. Notice if they try to justify their action or feel genuinely sorry about it. Use ‘I’ statements when you speak, make sure not to lose your cool, and do it gracefully.

13. Try to forgive 

Forgiving doesn’t mean overlooking, accepting, or excusing the wrong that has been done to you. You don’t even have to get back together with that person if you don’t want to.

You can think of giving your relationship a chance only if the person genuinely seems remorseful. But, even if they aren’t, forgive them for your sake. To truly heal from a betrayal, you’ll need to forgive the person and let go, even if they don’t deserve your forgiveness.

14. Pull the plug

Was this your partner’s first betrayal of trust? Do they recognize the pain they’ve caused you? Have they accepted the responsibility for their actions and asked for forgiveness? Are they repeated offenders, or was it an unintentional isolated incident?

 It may be better to end the relationship if this wasn’t their first time betraying your trust. If you stay in a relationship with someone who keeps breaking promises and hurting you, you’re enabling them, and there’s no reason for them to stop. 

15. Be open to trusting again

You don’t have to trust someone blindly. Start with little things and take small, calculated risks.

Coach Dionne Eleanor points out,

Make agreements and schedule in time to connect and reflect on what has gone good and less good periodically.

If you’ve decided to give your partner a chance to regain your trust, it’s healthy to give them incremental trust instead of trusting them like before. 

16. Learn to trust yourself again

Trusting yourself is one of the most crucial steps to take when you’re dealing with betrayal. To trust others, you need to trust your ability to make sound judgments and adjust your trust indicator slightly.

Watch this video to learn more about trusting yourself again: 

17. Journal your emotions

Keeping a journal is a therapeutic tool that allows you to explore your emotions, thoughts, and reactions in-depth. Write about your feelings related to overcoming betrayal, your day-to-day experiences, and any insights gained during your healing process. 

For example, you might write about how betrayal has affected your self-esteem, how you cope with triggers or your evolving perspective on forgiveness. 

Commonly asked questions

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help you out if you are dealing with being betrayed by someone you love: 

• Can a relationship recover from betrayal?

Yes, a relationship can recover from betrayal, but it’s a complex and challenging process. Both partners must be committed to healing, open communication, and rebuilding trust. Professional counseling or therapy can provide guidance. 

Successful recovery often involves addressing the root causes, seeking forgiveness, and establishing stronger, more transparent boundaries to prevent future betrayals. Patience, understanding, and time are essential in the journey toward rebuilding a stronger and healthier connection.

• How does betrayal affect the brain?

Betrayal triggers various emotional responses in the brain. The amygdala, responsible for processing emotions, can become hyperactive, leading to heightened stress, anxiety, and fear. The prefrontal cortex, which manages decision-making and reasoning, may struggle to cope, impairing judgment. 

Chronic betrayal can result in changes to neural pathways and emotional regulation, potentially contributing to long-term mental health issues such as depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

• What causes someone to betray another?

Betrayal often stems from complex interpersonal dynamics. Causes can include dissatisfaction in the relationship, personal insecurities, unmet needs, or external temptations. 

Lack of communication, empathy, or emotional intimacy can drive individuals to betray their partners. However, it’s essential to recognize that there’s no one-size-fits-all explanation, as motivations for betrayal can vary widely from one situation to another.

• Does betrayal change a person?

Betrayal can indeed change a person. It often results in emotional trauma that can impact self-esteem, trust in others, and overall outlook on relationships. 

Some individuals may become more cautious and guarded, while others might struggle with issues like trust issues, anxiety, or even a desire for revenge. The extent of change varies from person to person, and therapy or support can help in processing and managing these changes constructively.

• How can you rebuild trust after betrayal?

Rebuilding trust after betrayal requires time, effort, and commitment from both parties. Essential steps include open and honest communication, accountability from the betrayer, and a willingness to make amends. 

Setting clear boundaries, seeking therapy or counseling, and demonstrating consistent, trustworthy behavior are crucial. The betrayed individual should also work on forgiveness, though this doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting. 

Rebuilding trust is a gradual process that involves rebuilding emotional safety and a sense of security in the relationship.

Conclusion

Healing from betrayal in a relationship can be tough and may require compassion, patience, and self-care. It’s natural to experience a range of emotions, but acknowledging them and seeking support can be transformative. 

Remember, you have the strength to rebuild, whether that involves mending the existing relationship or forging a new path forward. Embrace self-discovery, practice forgiveness for your own peace of mind, and prioritize your well-being. 

Even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment, the pain of betrayal will eventually fade, and you’ll be able to leave it in the past. The betrayal doesn’t have to end your otherwise great relationship, though. 

If both you and your partner are willing to go the extra mile, it’s possible to rebuild trust in your relationship and stay together.

Ultimately, getting over betrayal is about reclaiming your sense of self and finding hope in the possibility of healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the future.