11 Meaningful Ways to Connect With an Asexual Partner

Connection doesn’t always look the way movies promise, and that can feel confusing at first… even tender. Loving someone means learning their language of closeness, noticing what makes them feel safe, seen, and chosen.

With an asexual partner, intimacy may unfold through quiet presence, shared routines, laughter at odd hours, or the simple relief of being understood. It can be gentle, deeply intentional, and surprisingly grounding.

Maybe affection shows up in conversations that linger, hands held without urgency, or trust built through consistency rather than chemistry. Love still grows here, just at its own pace; soft, thoughtful, and real.

When expectations soften, and curiosity leads the way, connection often becomes less about what’s missing and more about what’s meaningful.

What does it mean to be asexual?

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Generally speaking, being asexual means experiencing little to no sexual attraction to others. It doesn’t automatically mean a lack of love, affection, or desire for emotional closeness.

Asexuality exists on a spectrum, and people experience it in different ways, so the best understanding always comes from open, respectful conversations with your partner about what they feel and need.

In some cases, a person will still be able to have sex with someone that they care deeply for, and in other cases, this may not be possible. If you are dating an asexual person, you should talk to them to learn more about how they feel and what their sexuality means to them.

13 signs of an asexual partner

Asexuality isn’t always obvious, especially in relationships shaped by unspoken expectations. Some signs show up quietly, others over time, and many are misunderstood at first. Noticing patterns, not labels, often brings clarity.

If you’ve been searching for signs my partner is asexual, this section explores common experiences with care, nuance, and respect… without assumptions or pressure.

1. Limited interest in sexual activities

Asexual individuals typically experience a lack of sexual attraction or desire. This means they may not initiate sexual encounters, express enthusiasm for them, or actively seek out sexual experiences. For them, sex isn’t a driving force in their relationships.

• How it may show up: You may notice that intimacy rarely escalates toward sex, or that your partner seems content ending closeness with cuddling, conversation, or quiet companionship instead of physical escalation.

2. Open communication about asexuality

Many asexual individuals are comfortable discussing their asexuality with their partners. They may use terms like “asexual” or “ace” to describe their orientation and engage in conversations about what it means for them and their relationship. This open dialogue is crucial for understanding and accommodating their needs.

• How it may show up: Your partner might proactively explain their feelings around attraction, share articles or personal reflections, or gently clarify misconceptions to help you better understand their inner experience.

3. Emphasis on emotional connection

Asexual individuals often prioritize emotional intimacy over physical intimacy. They may find non-sexual expressions of affection, such as cuddling, holding hands, and deep conversations, to be more fulfilling and significant in a relationship.

• How it may show up: They may feel closest to you during long talks, shared routines, or emotional check-ins, and express love more through words, presence, and consistency than physical desire.

4. Lack of sexual attraction

In a relationship, asexuality often involves experiencing minimal or no sexual attraction to others. This means your asexual partner may not frequently comment on the physical attractiveness of others, experience “lust,” or have the same level of interest in sexual fantasies as non-asexual individuals might.

• How it may show up: They may seem indifferent to “crushes,” celebrity appeal, or sexualized media, and feel confused or disengaged during conversations that revolve heavily around desire or attraction.

5. Comfortable with celibacy or low sexual activity

Asexuality often entails a comfort with celibacy or infrequent sexual activity. Asexual individuals might be content with little or no sexual contact for extended periods.

They may not view sex as a fundamental aspect of their romantic relationships and are often more focused on other forms of connection.

• How it may show up: Long gaps without sex may not bother them, and they may not notice or feel concerned about frequency in the same way a sexual partner might.

6. Limited interest in sexual conversations

Asexual individuals may not engage in explicit sexual discussions or jokes as frequently as others might. They might feel uncomfortable or disinterested in conversations about sexual experiences or explicit content.

• How it may show up: They may change the subject, stay quiet, or disengage when conversations become sexually graphic, even in casual group settings or media discussions.

7. Aversion to sexual pressure

One of the telling signs your partner is asexual is that they may have a strong aversion to feeling pressured into sexual activities. They might become anxious or upset if they perceive any form of coercion or expectation related to sex in the relationship.

• How it may show up: Even subtle expectations can feel heavy to them, leading to withdrawal, stress, or emotional shutdown when sex feels like a requirement rather than a choice.

8. Positive attitude towards non-sexual intimacy

Asexual individuals often find great joy and fulfillment in non-sexual forms of intimacy, such as spending quality time together, writing love letters, or simply being emotionally supportive. They may actively seek out these forms of connection.

• How it may show up: They may enthusiastically plan dates, enjoy closeness without sexual undertones, or express love through acts of care, creativity, or emotional availability.

9. Valuing personal autonomy

Asexual individuals often value their autonomy when it comes to their own bodies and choices. They may assert their right to decide when, if ever, they engage in sexual activities, and they expect their boundaries to be respected.

• How it may show up: They may be clear and calm when setting limits, and appreciate relationships where consent and comfort are discussed openly without guilt or pressure.

10. Lack of jealousy over sexual attraction

Asexual individuals might not experience jealousy or insecurity when their partner finds someone else physically attractive or when their partner watches or enjoys explicit content. They may not share the same feelings of sexual possessiveness that others do.

• How it may show up: They may not react strongly to you finding others attractive or consuming sexual content, viewing it as unrelated to emotional loyalty or love.

11. Emphasis on emotional connection in conflict resolution

To learn how to know if your partner is asexual, assess their conflict resolution style.

Asexual individuals may prioritize emotional connection and communication when resolving conflicts. They may prefer discussing issues, feelings, and solutions rather than relying on physical intimacy as a means of reconciliation.

• How it may show up: After disagreements, they may want to talk things through, feel understood, or reconnect emotionally rather than using physical intimacy to smooth things over.

12. Limited interest in romantic or sexual stereotypes

Asexual individuals often have a reduced interest in or disinterest in conventional romantic or sexual stereotypes portrayed in media or society. They may not relate to or be enthusiastic about traditional romantic gestures or gender-specific roles in relationships.

• How it may show up: They might question why certain milestones “should” matter, or feel indifferent toward performative romance, preferring authenticity over tradition.

13. Respect for boundaries and consent

Asexual individuals tend to be highly conscious of the importance of boundaries and consent in all aspects of a relationship, including physical intimacy. They may actively seek consent and respect boundaries consistently to ensure both partners feel comfortable and secure.

• How it may show up: They may regularly ask what feels okay, pause when unsure, and model respect in ways that make emotional and physical spaces feel secure.

Can a relationship with an asexual partner work?

A relationship with an asexual can work, but you have to be willing to communicate and understand each other’s needs. There are asexual couples that have sex, and in some other cases, they may have asexual polyamorous relationships so that both parties will be able to have their needs met.

It is up to you and your mate to talk about what you expect and to discuss the boundaries of your relationship. This may take some time, but finding something that works will be worth it. Engage in open conversations about expectations as you manage to understand your partner’s asexuality.

Without clear communication, misunderstandings may arise, making it challenging to sustain the relationship.

11 meaningful ways to connect with an asexual partner

Connection in an asexual relationship often grows in quieter, more intentional ways. It’s built through understanding, patience, and a willingness to redefine closeness together.

Learning how to deal with an asexual partner isn’t about fixing anything; it’s about meeting each other where you are, and discovering intimacy that feels safe, mutual, and deeply affirming.

1. Understand your partner’s point of view

When you are learning how to deal with an asexual partner, the first thing that you should do is understand your partner’s point of view. This means that you need to talk to them about their asexuality and what it entails. 

You should also learn more about what asexuality is, so you have a better understanding of it overall.

2. Refrain from thinking their asexuality is an attack on you

It is important to remember that a person’s asexuality is not a reflection of your actions or behavior. People are born asexual; it isn’t something they decide to be once they reach a certain age.

Once you are aware of this, you can start to think about how your partner must feel about their asexuality, considering it is something that is misunderstood.

3. Don’t try to change them

You should never try to change someone, especially once you learn they are asexual. For example, you don’t want to ask them to learn how to stop being asexual since this could be insulting.

Imagine someone asking you to change a fundamental part of who you are—it could feel dismissive and hurtful. This may upset you. It might be more beneficial to find out as much as you can about what they are experiencing instead.

4. Talk about what your partner needs

While you are learning about your partner, you should also listen to them when they are talking about their needs in a relationship.

When you are focusing on how to deal with an asexual partner, you will likely notice that they may have fewer sexual needs than someone who isn’t asexual, which may take some getting used to. However, this doesn’t mean that you both won’t be able to get what you want out of your partnership.

5. Define your relationship together

You will need to define your relationship together. This means you need to discuss what each person expects and how to achieve your goals. If your wife is asexual, she may be totally comfortable with you masturbating or having sex with you on a regular schedule.

Of course, these are situations that you will have to figure out together, and each couple will be different. In some cases, an asexual person will not be comfortable having sex at all. If this is the case in your relationship, you will need to be supportive and not expect something they are unable to give.

6. Be honest about how you feel

If you think that you will be unable to be in a relationship with someone who is asexual, you need to be truthful about this. However, if you choose to try, you have to be willing to put in the time and effort it will take to make your relationship work.

Talk to your mate about how you are feeling, and they may be able to help you understand the situation more clearly. They might also have ideas on how to build up your bond without sex or discuss other things you can do together.

7. Determine how to be intimate in your relationship

There are different ways that you can be intimate in your relationship; it doesn’t just have to be sexual. This is something that will be easy to recall when you are trying to learn more about how to deal with an asexual partner. 

Intimacy is another aspect of the relationship that you can decide on together, so you can keep kissing, cuddling, and engaging in other activities that both of you are comfortable with.

8. Don’t pressure them for sex

One of the most important aspects when deciphering how to deal with an asexual partner is to think twice before asking them for sex. This is something that you will need to figure out together, and if your partner is not able to have sex with you, it may upset them if you keep asking.

You should never pressure your partner for sex if they are asexual. This is something that will make them uncomfortable or feel like you don’t understand how they feel. Perhaps you are thinking, “My husband is asexual, but I want to have kids.”

You will need to determine if this is possible in your marriage and decide together if it is the right choice for both of you. Pressure can harm trust and emotional safety within the relationship.

9. Tell them what your needs are, too

Asexual relationships should never be one-sided. You should also talk to your partner about your needs. Again, this is an issue you can decide how to approach together, so everyone gets what they need to be happy. 

In some cases, your asexual partner may be able to help you with these needs, or they might be interested in an open relationship or being permissive in other ways. You should take time to work on this aspect of your relationship so no one’s feelings are hurt during the process.

10. Educate yourself 

Take the initiative to learn about asexuality to understand your partner’s perspective better. 

For instance, you can read articles and books or watch documentaries on asexuality. This knowledge can help you empathize with your partner’s experiences, such as their potential lack of sexual attraction, and appreciate that their orientation is valid. 

Knowledge about asexuality also equips you to avoid making assumptions or unintentionally insensitive remarks, fostering a more supportive and inclusive environment for your asexual partner within the relationship. Education promotes empathy and can strengthen your connection.

Watch this video where David Jay explains that asexual people deeply value connection and challenges a sex centered culture to recognize and celebrate asexual relationships:

11. Keep working at it

Building a relationship with an asexual partner may require patience and effort, but it can lead to an advantageous connection. All relationships require a little give and take, and ones with an asexual partner are no different. Keep working at it, and you will likely find a way to make both of you happy.

How do you support an asexual partner?

Supporting your asexual partner involves open communication and empathy. Listen actively to understand their feelings and needs. Respect their boundaries regarding physical intimacy and refrain from pressuring them. 

If you are wondering, “What to do if your partner is asexual,” educate yourself about asexuality to grasp their perspective better. Seek compromise in your relationship to ensure both your emotional needs are met. 

Remember, love isn’t solely expressed through sex; focus on emotional connection, affection, and shared activities to maintain a fulfilling relationship. Ultimately, prioritize their comfort and happiness while fostering a deep, loving connection built on mutual understanding and respect.

FAQs

Relationships are complex, multifaceted, and deeply personal experiences. They can take various forms, including those that involve sexual intimacy and those that don’t.

Let’s explore some key aspects of relationships, addressing questions related to sexual intimacy, differences in desire, asexuality, and its potential evolution over time.

• Is it possible for a relationship to thrive without sexual intimacy?

Yes, a relationship can thrive without sexual intimacy. The foundation of a successful relationship is built on communication, trust, emotional connection, and shared values. 

Some individuals prioritize emotional and intellectual compatibility over physical intimacy, making asexuality or celibacy a valid choice. For many, a thriving relationship can exist without sex as long as both partners are on the same page, feel fulfilled, and maintain a deep emotional bond.

• How can we navigate differences in sexual desire and expectations?

Navigating differences in sexual desire and expectations requires open, honest communication. Partners should discuss their needs, desires, and boundaries to find common ground. Compromise and understanding are crucial. 

Seeking professional help from a therapist or sex counselor can provide guidance and strategies to bridge these gaps, fostering a healthier, more fulfilling sexual connection.

• Can an asexual partner experience romantic attraction?

Yes, an asexual individual can experience romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is separate from sexual attraction, and asexuality refers to the absence of sexual attraction. 

Asexual people can still form deep, loving, and romantic connections with others. These relationships often focus on emotional intimacy, companionship, and shared experiences rather than sexual activity.

• Is it common for asexual individuals to have successful and long-lasting relationships?

Yes, asexual individuals can have successful and long-lasting relationships. The key is finding partners who are understanding, accepting, and compatible with their asexuality. 

Many asexual people have fulfilling relationships, be they romantic or platonic, by emphasizing emotional connections and mutual support. Like any relationship, communication and compatibility are crucial factors for long-term success.

• Is it possible for an asexual partner’s orientation to change over time?

An individual’s sexual orientation can be stable throughout their life, but it can also evolve. While some asexual individuals may continue to identify as asexual, others might experience changes in their orientation. It’s essential to recognize that personal growth and self-discovery are ongoing processes.

An asexual person may discover new facets of their sexuality or choose to embrace a different identity as they gain a better understanding of themselves. Such changes are entirely valid and should be respected within the context of a supportive relationship.

In a nutshell

Connection doesn’t have to follow a script to be real. Sometimes it grows in conversations that linger, in trust built slowly, in affection that feels chosen rather than expected. Loving an asexual partner can invite more intention, more listening, and more honesty… and that can be quietly powerful.

What happens when closeness is defined together, instead of assumed?

Space opens up for patience, creativity, and deeper respect. No rushing, no fixing, no pressure. Just two people learning what love looks like for them, again and again, in ways that feel safe, mutual, and genuinely fulfilling.

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Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less