Spoiler alert: men and women are just about complete opposites. This includes the area of sex. While men are usually visual beings, women tend to be emotional beings, which causes some difficulty in the bedroom. We’re going to look at how most men and women are hardwired for intimacy. In other words, we’ll try to solve the question – Why intimacy is different for men and women.
Most men, not all, have about four basic truths when it comes to intimacy.
If you can better understand those needs, chances are you will have a better handle on men and intimacy and how to please your husband!
1. Visual nature
So, what does intimacy mean to a man?
I think it’s safe to say that men are very visual creatures by nature. What I mean by that is men are hardwired to take in all they see—especially seductive sights. So naturally, when it comes to sex, they enjoy taking in action.
A great writer, Shaunti Feldhahn, talks about ways for wives to help their husbands honor their marriage by keeping their eyes focused on their wives. One great way of doing this is by filling up their visual files! For example, keep the lights on during sex.
2. Physical needs
Another reason why intimacy is different for men and women is because of the differences in needs. While women definitely have physical needs, men tend to have higher physical needs than most women. The reason for this is because men are genetically different than women. Men truly crave sexual intimacy.
3. Need for respect
Men have a total need for respect in their lives. When a man feels heard and respected, he is more apt to be physically intimate with his wife. But on the flip side, when a wife completely undermines her husband, chances are he will be more reluctant to go to bed with her. Where a man feels respected, that is where he tends to gravitate.
Respecting your husband doesn’t mean bowing down to everything that he says or does, it merely means not talking badly about him (to him or other people), telling him how much you appreciate him and not being a nag. Wives, if you can take small steps to make your husband feel more respected, you can be sure that he will be turned on.
4. Wife initiates sex
Through many conversations about various things that turn men on, the most common (aside from the three mentioned above) was when their wives would initiate intimacy. Such a simple thing, yet such a touchy thing, which we’ll get to in a minute. But really, men find marriage intimacy incredible when their women want them and let them know.
The only tip here: initiate sex with your husband!
Women also have four basic truths when it comes to intimacy.
The funny and probably most frustrating thing is what intimacy means to a woman is pretty much the opposite of men’s needs. However, if you learn about women and intimacy and what they are, your wife will be more open to sex!
1. Emotional beings
So, what does intimacy mean to a woman?
While men are visual, women tend to be more emotional. This means that women are not as turned on by sight alone, but women’s need for emotional intimacy can play a significant role. Yes, it is nice to have a good looking husband, but that isn’t where women’s sexual nature rests. Women want to feel desired, loved, and taken care of. Being emotionally taken care of makes women feel more comfortable and open to the idea of sex.
If you make sure you are meeting your wife’s emotional needs, I bet that your sex life will flourish.
2. Language needs
I was reading an interesting article today about the fact that women have more neurological pathways in terms of language than men do. This explains why intimacy is different for men and women! Women love to talk. Women love to be heard. And a lot of the time, women love to listen.
Most men do not love to do those things. But, if you take the time to hear your wife (not fix her problems), it will only play well for you. If you want to go one step ahead, make sure you tell your wife how much you love and adore her consistently.
3. Need for love
Men need respect and women need love. There is a great book called Love and Respect. My husband and I have learned so much through reading this book. It has taught us better ways of communication in terms of me respecting him, and him showing his love for me and gave a glimpse of how and why intimacy is different for men and women.
When I feel well-loved, I want to make love with my husband. Husbands, take the time to be sure your wife is feeling loved in your marriage. Go out on a limb and ask her. If she is not feeling loved, change that.
4. Husband helps with daily life
Lastly, because women usually have more of a “mental load” than men, it is a big deal when the man of the house steps in to help carry that load. For example, women tend to make lists in their minds of all the things that need to be done that day (and the next and the next, lol!). These lists make it difficult to turn off the chore chart and turn on the desire button. This is why I so often hear women say they are the most turned on when their men do the dishes or wash the clothes or whatever needs to be checked off their mental list.
In a survey way back in the 1960s, men expressed their thoughts on whether they should help their wife in daily chores. Here’s what they had to say:
I don’t know why men and women have been created so differently. These differences of why intimacy is different for men and women can make it troublesome to have a great intimate life. Now that you are a little more aware of these factors use them to your advantage. With some selflessness and intention, your physical intimacy can be incredible!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.