When the sex and intimacy goes out of a marriage, your mind can’t help but go to the darkest place and worry that your partner no longer finds you attractive or is having an affair. While these are certainly possibilities, they’re rarely the cause of intimacy missing in marriage.
Reasons for Intimacy Missing in Marriage
The following are 5 common reasons why intimacy goes missing from a marriage. Take an honest look at your relationship and see if any of these rings true. They just may help you get back on track to bringing the intimacy back into your marriage.
Women, in particular, find it hard to believe that stress could impact a man’s sexual desire. This is because we’ve spent our lives being told that men are always in the mood for sex and this is simply not true. Stress at work or home can leave men and women feeling exhausted, making sleep or some other way to relax more appealing than sex. Studies have found a link between stress and decreased sex drive. Talk to your partner about what’s causing them stress and do what you can to help take some of the burdens off their shoulders.
2. Low Self-Esteem
Self-esteem and body image issues don’t only affect women. No one is exempt from feeling down about themselves. Low self-esteem can take a toll on a person’s relationships, particularly when it comes to physical intimacy because it leads to inhibitions. Compliment your spouse and let them know that you find them attractive. You can help make them more comfortable by leaving the lights dim and staying under the covers. Be patient and do your part to help them feel loved and desired.
Have you rejected your partner’s advances in the past? Perhaps been less than enthused when they tried to show you affection in or out of the bedroom? These things can put your partner off of intimacy. No one wants to feel as though their partner sees sex with them as a chore and this is what can happen if you constantly put off sex or never initiate it.
Your partner may be feeling resentful. Unresolved issues in your relationship can be making them pull away and withdraw affectionately and emotionally. If there aren’t any glaring issues that you can think of, then consider whether or not your partner feels unappreciated or let down by the way you treat them. The only way to get to the bottom of this is to talk openly about the relationship and try to resolve any issues that may be putting a strain on intimacy.
5. Lack of Non-Physical Intimacy
Intimacy missing in marriage isn’t just about a lack of sex. Your sex life can suffer if there’s a lack of emotional intimacy too. Feeling disconnected from your partner can make it hard to connect during sex or enjoy it. This isn’t only limited to women either; men crave emotional intimacy from their spouse too. Spending quality time together can help build emotional intimacy and ultimately bring back physical intimacy.
Things are not always what they seem. Intimacy missing in marriage can stem from many things. Avoid jumping to conclusions and have a frank discussion with your partner without being accusatory.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.