Being in love is a fantastic, often magical experience. But sometimes, we run into situations of misunderstandings and conflicts, and communication can be challenging. If this sounds familiar, you will find these tips for better Couple Communication.
In This Article
You started what seemed a simple conversation about something with your partner, but it managed somehow to get out of control and grow into a big argument. If this scenario rings a bell, you should know you are not alone.
Many people experienced this kind of couples’ communication difficulty at least once in their relationship because they lack excellent communication skills.
Relationships are beautiful when you love each other, have fun, and so on, but no one ever said they are easy. The main issue with relationships, whether intimate or friendship, is that they aren’t separated from the rest of the world.
They are formed by two human beings who bring different emotions, past experiences, stories, and expectations. It can be beautiful and enriching for the relationship, but it also can lead to a couple of communication problems. That is why it is essential to share and discuss things properly with your partner.
Many people don’t pay so much attention to communication because they believe that they are talking enough with their partners. But there is a difference between talking and communication! You can talk about anything with your partner – kids, work, car problems, plans for dinner, weather and so on!
It, however, means you are discussing ordinary and superficial daily stuff, but you don’t communicate about things that matter.
If you want to live a successful and happy relationship, you need to understand the importance of Couple Communication. Excellent communication is the crucial part not only for couples but relationships in general – with your co-workers, friends, parents all depend on the quality of communication.
Today, we are going to share some tips on how to have better couple communication. Reading testimonials on dating sites can be a sort of good practice, as you can find some stories and learn from someone’s experience.
What is communication?
By definition, communication is conveying messages from one person to another. The purpose is to express to another human being what your needs and expectations are. When we talk about practical couple communication skills, keep in mind that these skills allow you to be heard and listen.
Your partner needs to express their feelings as much as you. So, for better communication in marriage, it is necessary to open up space where both can do it without hesitation.
It is essential to know that we are not born with excellent communication skills. Indeed some people develop better skills than others through life because of different experiences. Regardless of whether you have little or no communication skills, you must know it is possible to develop them.
We understand it is often easier said than done. So, we prepared seven tips for improving communication in marriage.
1. Ask open-ended questions
As mentioned earlier, couple communication has to do with much more than just talking about what you had eaten for lunch or something like that. It is more about getting to the point where your partner is telling you important things about themselves. But that isn’t simple for many people.
However, if you start suffocating your girlfriend or boyfriend with a ton of questions that they are not ready to discuss, it can be a problem. Fortunately, there is a more straightforward way how you can get to know and understand the person without crossing their boundaries –by asking open-ended questions.
These are the questions when instead of asking, for example, Did you have a good day? Do you ask more something like What was your day?; What did you do today?
These questions act as couples communication exercises and create more space for the person to talk about all the good and bad things they experienced during the day.
2. Active listening
If you take a look at a couple communication articles, you will often read that it is best to encourage active listening in relationships. You’d think it’s common sense, wouldn’t you?
Additionally, we are often too afraid that our voice isn’t going to be heard,that we won’t have time to say what we want to, that we rush to talk without considering other people’s needs. But this kind of behavior can just deepen the problems instead of solving them.
Okay, so maybe you managed to stop talking, but are you listening to your partner?
In many cases, people are using this time not to hear the loved one but to go over the things they want to say for the next round of talking. The idea is that part of good Couple Communication is making yourself genuinely hear what the other one is talking about.
A couple of therapists propose some couple communication skills activities to solve this problem. One of the ideas is that when you hear your partner talking, you try to rephrase what they said instead of preparing your response. They call this method reflection, and it is something you can do in your head or out loud.
4. Honesty is important
The fact is that we aren’t taught to express our feelings clearly. For this reason, many people aren’t used to doing it or even can’t recognize their feelings, so it is hard to verbalize them. But not only that, keeping your feelings hidden isn’t a solution. It can create a severe problem.
Pretending everything is alright when it is not or giving your partner the silent treatment are just about the worst things you can do. Regardless of how difficult it may seem, you need to work towards being open and honest.
One of the effective communication strategies in a marriage is your willingness to share ideas that you may have never shared with anyone, show your vulnerability, and so on.
In the video below, Stacy Rocklein says it is important to share ourselves in order to be in a deeply connected relationship. She also says that we need to be ready to listen to any response. Listen to her advice below:
The thing is that when you learn how to read them, you develop one of the communication skills for couples that helps you understand much better what your partner is saying.
6. Two-way street
It is necessary to realize that relationships involve both people, and they are equally important and responsible for the course of a relationship. Both people have to be able to express ideas and emotions and be heard.
If you are under the impression that your partner is dominating every discussion, you have to draw their attention to it and discuss how this situation can be different.
7. Stay focused
When discussing with partners, things can sometimes get out of control and turn into a hard argument about everything. Do absolutely everything to avoid this for the sake of your relationship.
It is clear that sometimes it is easy to drag all the things from the past, but it is much better to stay on the topic. If you see that there is no way to achieve this and that the argument is escalating, it is best to stop even if you physically have to walk away from it.
Regardless of how much you and your partner love each other and how happy you are in a relationship, sometimes it isn’t easy. However, if you both learn how to work on Couple Communication and are ready to grow together, things can become much more straightforward. How do you handle discussions or arguments in a relationship?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sherry is a consultant and has been involved in many successful projects with a range of companies throughout the country. She enjoys researching, discussing, and writing on the topics of relationships, wellness, and dating, when not absorbed in the latest gripping articles. Sherry loves cooking, doing sports, and otherwise spends far much time at the computer.