This is a question a lot of people have asked me over the years. Having an affair is different from sleeping around with multiple partners when you’re not in any sort of commitment. It is not having one night stands with someone you met in Tinder while married. It is not having many random sexual encounters with prostitutes and others while in a commitment.
Granted, they are all different forms of infidelity, but having an affair is a whole different animal.
An affair is when you are habitually dating another person while committed to another.
It is a dirtier, deeper form of infidelity where one person is continuously seeing someone (or multiple someones) else, while maintaining an emotional attachment with another.
So, how to have an affair and not get caught? Here are some tips for an experienced person.
1. Get an accomplice
You need someone or a whole team of friends that watch your back. Having an affair can be a solo activity, but having someone you can always use as a convenient excuse and collaborates your alibis will go a long way in not getting caught.
Having an affair is a spy game.
It is about information and misinformation. It will involve a lot of lying, and having accomplices that will feed you information and help collaborate your lie can get you out of tight spots.
If the person you are having an affair with knows that you are in a relationship, then set some ground rules, such as don’t go to your house or do not call or message unless you do it first. If the third party doesn’t know you are in a relationship, never give out your address.
The last thing you need is for them to show up in your house wearing nothing but an overcoat during Sunday dinner with your in-laws.
2. Sleight of hand
Partners, especially women, are able to smell an affair a mile away. Like all magic tricks, it is about deception and distraction to keep their focus on something away from where things are really happening.
Do this gradually, a sudden change will also invite unwanted attention. Create a scenario that would make your partner focus on something else other than you.
Here are some examples:
- Have them plan a trip somewhere they always wanted to go to.
- Tell them you are working on a big project and you will buy them whatever they want after its complete
- Start an activity or hobby (Gym and Fitness is good) together
The first two examples will create an illusion that you are spending time away from them for their own sake. Leave all the little details to them to keep them busy. Make sure to attend all those events/trips that they set up and keep them happy.
The objective is simple – they will spend their time doing something else which they believe will bring both of you closer together. All the while it frees up your schedule for the third party. It’s evil.
3. Dispose of the evidence
Treat every sexual encounter like a murder scene.
Leaving behind a used condom is the same as a smoking gun. Make sure to consider the time it will take for you to clean everything up including your own body. It’s hard to say you were Bowling with Bob when you smell like Paris Hilton (the perfume).
Delete messages everywhere, especially in your phone. Throw all receipts right away and pay cash when going on dates.
Do not take photos of yourself and upload it on social media, and do not allow your photo or other incriminating evidence to be taken. You can always say you want to create a personal connection with the person, not create an IG album together.
4. Pick your target
If in case you do have an affair, make sure it is with someone your partner will have no chances of ever meeting by chance. Having an affair with their family, for example, is a sure way of getting yourself on Facebook as Jerkwad of the year.
If the situation “just happened, and can’t be helped,” end it quickly and quietly. That’s one way of how to have an affair that will end up in a disaster.
If you didn’t know enough about your third party and they go insane like Taylor Swift in the event that they get screwed over, come clean right away and end it.
5. Do not piss in your field
This is similar to pick your target, but this one is about real estate.
Location! Location! Location!
Do not go to places where others you or your partner know will likely show up. If you frequent a mall or anywhere that there’s a small possibility that you will run into someone that you know, don’t go there.
These days everyone carries a small recording device that they can use and then post online. If that happens, you’re screwed. Do not be an idiot and have your dates somewhere far or different.
You get the picture!
Methods are not always foolproof
Use any of the methods here at your own risk. There is no foolproof way on how to have an affair and not get caught. The more you do it, the more likely someone will find out and create a big problem (or a lawsuit).
When there’s smoke, there’s a flame.
If you are in a commitment and find yourself in a situation where you considering or have done acts of infidelity, there are marriage counselors that can help. If you really want my advice on how to have an affair, from someone who has been there and done that, here’s my real advice. It’s never worth the trouble. So don’t do it.