“If you like pina coladas getting caught in the rain. If you’re not into health food if you have half a brain.”
Do you know that song? It is called, Escape. A man tired of his boring relationship is looking through the personal ads one day, and he finds an ad, thinking this could be the love of his life.
He decides to answer it and meet up with this mystery woman “at a bar called O’Malley’s where will plan our escape.”
He arrives at the bar to find out … “Oh, aha, it’s you, and we laughed for a moment, and I said, I never knew”.
He ended up meeting his “own lovely lady”. They both discovered things they had never known about each other.
I’ve heard “I never knew” from countless couples in my work as a marriage and family therapist. Couples who’ve lost connection, fun, and excitement with one another over time.
They lost touch with themselves and the things that initially attracted them to one another.
Esther Perel gave an amazing TED Talk on “Rethinking Infidelity” in which she explored a very taboo subject: “Why People Cheat”.
Esther shares that affairs are about regaining a lost sense of novelty, freedom, emotional connection, and a “lost part of ourselves”.
We need to be mindful to incorporate these things into our relationship on a consistent basis to make them juicy, fun and enjoyable not only for our relationship but for ourselves!
How to affair-proof your relationship
I’ve found the following things to be some key ingredients for long-lasting enjoyable relationships:
- Working through frustrations and healing past hurts and resentments
- Connecting with and giving each other what each other needs
- Working on your relationship – attending workshops, counseling, and reading books
- Having fun, being spontaneous and investing in the relationship
- Make your relationship the priority
- Doing things that are out of the norm, a little bit “naughty”, and letting go
- Stepping out of the mom or dad role
- Kiss passionately like you did when you were first dating
- Make room for surprises in your relationship
- Get out of the monotony of everyday life and responsibilities
Like anything we want to improve at or strengthen, consistency is key. If you are needing some help or support in your relationship I am a phone call away!
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Katie Lemieux