It is easy to judge cheaters, especially if you were hurt by your partner’s infidelity before. However, cheaters are not necessarily bad people, although they have made decisions that end up hurting their partners.
They might not know why they did it, which makes them ask how to stop cheating and break out of the cycle all the more difficult.
Cheating is quite common. Astudy found that one in five people admits to being a cheating partner. That number is probably higher since people can be reluctant to admit to doing something socially unacceptable.
Many of them are probably wondering how to stop cheating, yourself included.
Cheating in a relationship is defined as being physically or emotionally cheating, being unfaithful to your partner. It is not following the terms of the relationship, as decided by the two partners in a relationship.
Causes of cheating in a relationship
What are some cheating motivations that we end up overlooking? To understand the causes of cheating better, watch this Ted Talk by Esther Pearl on Why People Cheat.
What are the reasons that people cheat in a relationship? Do you often wonder why your partner cheated?
There can be several reasons why people cheat in a relationship. Anger, revenge, dissatisfaction in a relationship, low self-esteem, and abuse are some of the common reasons why people end up cheating on their partner, emotionally or physically.
If you have been unfaithful to your partner and want to make amends, read on to know the 15 ways to stop cheating on your partner.
1. Identify why it happens
As with any problem in life, understanding the reason for cheating is crucial to eradicating it. Ask yourself, “Why am I tempted to cheat?” What precedes cheating behavior patterns? To stop infidelity, you need to comprehend what leads to it.
If you are not sure, consider cheaters’ behavior patterns and see if you recognize yourself in any of them. Cheating can be a way to:
Avoid becoming intimate or dependent on someone in a relationship,
How to stop the cycle of cheating? Understand what purpose cheating has in your relationship. If you wonder how to stop adultery in my marriage,examine your marriage well.
The most challenging question is not how to stop being a cheater; instead,
Why am I choosing to be a cheater?
Does cheating help you stay in a loveless marriage, or is it a step towards leaving it?
Is being addicted to cheating a way to stay and not change anything in the marriage itself, or is it a way to show yourself there is more to life and leave more easily?
Are you doing this to punish your partner for cheating or something else, or doing this to get something you think is inaccessible in marriage?
How to stop cheating in a relationship?
Take a good hard look at these questions, especially in the case of repeated infidelity in marriage. When you understand what you desire, you can try to achieve it another way instead of cheating.
3. Address the problem
When you figure out what you desire from a relationship, you can start working towards it. Understanding the cause will guide what steps you take next in your journey on how to stop cheating on my wife or husband.
If you are angry with your partner, you need tocommunicate and work through resentment. Start sharing more and talk about the issues. Your desire to punish your partner through cheating won’t disappear unless you address the core of why you wanted to punish them in the first place.
If you want to leave and can’t see yourself in the relationship anymore, start thinking about approaching the subject. Why didn’t you have the nerve in the first place to end things and opt for cheating?
If you decide to stay in the marriage and need to know how to stop being a cheater, work on understanding what is missing in your relationship.
Talk to your partner so you can both commit to making your relationship better. Address your problems, work on conflict resolution, and introduce more excitement.
Working through communication problems, intimacy issues, and introducing more passion into the relationship.We are not saying it will work 100 percent, but it gives your marriage a chance.
4. Stop with behavior patterns leading you to cheat
Different people consider cheating various things – texting, sexting, kissing, sex, etc. Where do you and your partner draw the line? Knowing this can help you avoid not just the act of cheating itself but also the paths leading you to cheat.
Say that you and your partner don’t consider flirting to be cheating. Although that is true for you, have you thought about how it plays a role in cheating? It might ease you into adultery the same way sexting would.
Crossing one boundary makes it easier to cross the next one, and before you know it, you might not know how to stop cheating. Be mindful of each step you take towards an affair so you can learn how to avoid cheating.
If you think you are addicted to cheating on your spouse and wonder how to stop cheating in marriage or relationships, consider psychotherapy to deal with cheaters behavior patterns. A trained professional can help you uncover the root cause patterns that lead you into cheating cycles and help you figure out how to avoid cheating.
Whether you want to stay in the relationship or leave it, having a therapist work with you will make this process easier and more productive.
Furthermore, if your partner is aware of the affair and wants to stay together, couples counseling is preferred to individual therapy. Although you can both have your therapists, it is advisable to have a couple’s therapist help you deal with the affair’s emotional turmoil.
They can help you manage the crisis infidelity provoked, facilitate forgiveness, understand factors contributing to infidelity, and bolster intimacy through communication.
6. Change yourself to change the situation
There is no single answer to not cheating. If it were that simple, no one would be doing it. Furthermore, learning how to stop cheating is a process that requires several steps and time.
Understanding why it happens is often the first and critical step towards stopping cheating. It is also essential to know what you want from a relationship and whether you can get it in your current one. What is the affair helping you accomplish? Should you stay and fight or end the marriage and move on?
Talking is not communicating – and this is an essential realization for partners to have. Talk to each other about your individual needs and expectations, and you will find yourself in a better space.
8. Be spontaneous
Another common reason why relationships break and end up in cheating is when they stop being fun and exciting. Bring back the fun in your relationship or marriage by being more spontaneous.
9. Prioritize your relationship
If you or your partner have cheated and want to give your union another shot, it is essential to prioritize your relationship. Put your relationship over everything else at this point and work towards building a stronger foundation.
10. Surprise each other
Stop being your mundane self and surprise each other, whether sexually or by doing something totally out of your comfort zone.
When you have kids, you stop being a girlfriend/boyfriend or husband/wife to your partner but end up only being a parent.
That can cause the excitement in your marriage to fizzle out and can eventually lead to cheating. You can still work on your relationship while being a good parent.
12. Avoid being paranoid
Cheating can be challenging to deal with. However, when you decide to give your relationship another chance, avoid being paranoid about your partner cheating on you or you cheating on them.
Constant calls or messages to them can reflect your insecurities and cause them to steer away from you.
13. Come clean with the other person
It is very important to give proper closure to the person or multiple people you were cheating on your partner with. Come clean with them, tell them that you do not wish to be in touch with them, and are giving your marriage or relationship another fair chance.
14. Recreate your memories
Do you remember when you first felt in love with your partner? Remember your first date? It may be a refreshing change if you both recreate those memories to remind yourself of the good times and feel in love with each other once again.
Dealing with cheating yourself or the fact that your partner cheated on you can be challenging. Give yourself and your partner the time and space needed to deal with this information before deciding to do something about it.
Like anything we want to improve or strengthen, consistency is critical. If you choose to stop cheating on your partner, the points above can help you build your relationship again and better this time around. Reach out to your partner, and seek professional help if needed.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Tammy Shaklee is a leading LGBTQ Relationship Expert and President of one of the country’s top LGBTQ certified matchmaking companies, H4M Matchmaking. Since founding the national offline matchmaking company in Austin, Texas in 2012, Tammy and her team have successfully paired thousands of LGBTQ clients across the country that were seeking long-term committed relationships. Utilizing skills honed in her previous career as a broadcast journalist, Shaklee’s reporter objective instincts, acute listening skills, and same-sex proprietary methodology provide the ideal foundation for identifying true compatibility. Her unique process focuses on traditional introductions and dating for LGBTQ singles who are interested in achieving relationship success that rivals their professional success. An LGBTQ ally and advocate, Tammy understands the challenges singles face when looking for a suitable mate, as she met her husband through a matchmaking service herself. Tammy and her husband, Clif reside in Austin, Texas where she runs her national company. When not actively pairing her clients, Tammy is a regular relationship contributor to several LGBTQ media outlets and mainstream publications. She is currently working on the completion of her first book.