A new relationship is an exciting time. Maybe you’re letting go of the past and moving forward, getting back into dating after a previous relationship, or finding someone after being single for far too long
But sometimes even the most promising new relationship can go sour surprisingly quickly, leaving you wondering what just happened. And therein lies the rub: New relationships are much more fragile than established ones. In an established relationship, you know each other well. You understand the other’s flaws and foibles and love them anyway. It’s much easier to sit down and have a tough conversation.
In a new relationship, on the other hand, everything is a great unknown. Your dating partner doesn’t yet know you well enough to put their trust you – and that means that if you accidentally ring their alarm bells, you won’t see them again!
Here are 6 new relationship mistakes to look out for, and how to fix them.
1. Sharing too much too soon
You know the feeling. You’ve met someone new, you’re hitting it off really well, and you love the feeling of sharing and getting to know each other. It’s a great phase in any new relationship! But if you share too much too soon, you could scare your new beau off.
When you’re first getting to know each other, your date doesn’t have a lot of information about you so what you do say really stands out. That means that if most of your conversation is about your family problems, debt, therapy, or that time you embarrassed yourself at the office Christmas party, that’s the information they’ll remember.
How to fix it: Save the revelations about your deepest darkest secrets until your relationship is more established. If you do over share, don’t be afraid to be honest and let your date know that you didn’t mean to share quite so much.
2. Being too available
When your relationship is new and things are going well, it’s natural to want to spend plenty of time together. But being too available can make you look desperate, and your date will wonder if you’re really interested in them as a person, or just looking for any relationship.
Trying to get your date involved in too many activities too soon might just scare them off.
How to fix it: Don’t suggest constant dates close together. Be casual about it – suggest getting together the following week, or just ask them when they’d like to hang out again.
If you’re constantly talking about your new date, tagging them in pics, liking everything they post and asking for selfies, you could find the relationship coming to an early end.
How to fix it: Keep your relationship off social media till it’s established. There’s nothing wrong with adding each other and commenting here and there, but keep it casual and don’t tag them or talk about them.
4. Getting insecure
We all get a little insecure sometimes, but insecurity is a quick way to kill a new relationship. If you’ve just started dating, it’s too early to expect exclusivity, or claim a right to know where they are or what they’re doing.
A new relationship is all about getting to know each other and seeing if you want to take things further. You’re not committed yet, so expecting your date to explain themselves to you is too much too soon, and can push them away.
How to fix it: Be mindful of your own insecurities and don’t let them become a factor in your new relationship.
5. Ignoring major differences
When you’re in the first flush of getting to know someone, it’s all too easy to overlook major differences in your values and worldview. After all, you’re not serious yet, so you don’t need to worry about how they’re going to vote in the next election, or what their career values are.
You like them and you want it to work out, so it’s only natural that you try to focus on the good. This is a mistake though – a shared sense of humor or a great spark in bed are fantastic right now, but you’ll need more than that to sustain your relationship if it develops into something more serious.
How to fix it: Be honest with yourself about your core values and what really matters to you in life. If you’re dating someone who doesn’t share those core values, let them go gracefully. Trust us, you’ll be glad you did when you find someone who truly shares your core values.
Also watch: How to Avoid Common Relationship Mistakes
6. Living in the past
We all carry baggage from our pasts, that’s just a fact of life. However, letting your past baggage spill over into your new relationship is an easy mistake that can quickly damage it.
If you had a previous partner who cheated on you, ghosted you, or hurt you in some way, you’ll understandably feel a bit scared that history is going to repeat itself. Projecting that onto your new date is a recipe for disaster though – the weight of needing to prove themselves against your past will quickly push them away.
How to fix it: Be aware of how the past affects you. Before jumping to conclusions, ask yourself “Why do I feel this way? What evidence do I have that this new person will treat me badly?”
New relationships are exciting, and a little bit scary. Follow these tips to make the most of your new relationship and give it the best chance of developing into something more.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.