25 Signs You Are a Dominant Wife

A dominant wife may need to take control of every situation. Her goal is to keep things in order and make sure everything is handled in the best possible way. 

She doesn’t believe she’s being unreasonable but standing for what’s right and making sure her spouse or partner follows suit. Sometimes she doesn’t realize her manipulation or attempts to have things her way.

Still, the tools used to control the spouse’s behavior are manipulative to the point they dominate a mate’s behavior.  Furthermore, there is a part of the spouse that almost believes this domination is warranted. This kind of dominance in marriage is unhealthy.

What it means to be a dominating wife

A domineering wife has little respect for the spouse. She will approach her partner with aggression and criticize them mercilessly, whether it be on social media, at work events, or in front of family and friends. 

Showing that kind of blatant disregard is almost like saying your husband falls somewhere beneath you. It’s a toxic situation.

How to know if you are a dominating wife

When you interrupt your husband who might be involved in something else, whether it be a conversation with someone, watching a program they were looking forward to, or working on something that needs taking care of because you want their time and attention right then for something else that’s domineering.

You can tell you’re dominating when you choose to yell and throw a fit over minor things instead of attempting to handle them reasonably. Some additional signs are discussed further below.

25 signs you are a dominating wife

Controlling wife behaviors is related to a power imbalance in the marriage. The dominant wife causes intimidation for her spouse as well as insecurity and guilt. 

A spouse can experience these emotions through physical, psychological, sexual, financial control—some signs of a dominating wife. Read more below:

1. Isolates spouse from others

The dominant wife will begin gradually and subtly but complaining about time spent with friends and family is a first step in a wife-dominated marriage. 

The idea is that you no longer have a support system to turn to when things are rough at home, making it harder for them to stand up against you.

According to Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, PhD in Psychology,

Separating a significant other from friends and family members is a red flag for an abusive relationship.

2. Criticizes and complains, no matter how small

These issues can start over minor issues but begin to include everything from the way your spouse dresses, how they handle chores, to their manner of eating. 

After a while, it’s impossible to find yourself valued in the partnership or loved without condition when you’re being criticized over all your daily habits.

Related Reading: 7 Ways on How You Should Complain in a Relationship?

3. Threatens

Threats made by a dominant wife don’t have to be physical against you. They can be insinuated threats against themselves, the idea that they’ll leave, that privileges will be stopped, or other manipulative tactics. 

In some cases, a wife dominating a husband will go so far as to use the kids against him.

4. Loves conditionally

You get to hear conditions.

“If you go on a diet and lose that extra weight, I’ll find you that much more attractive.” “If you get the promotion at work, we’ll get along so much better.” 

5. Keeps tally

Each time you do a favor for the other person, it’s supposed to be something appreciated, and it’s known that ultimately they’ll do something for you when you need it. 

Unfortunately, a dominant wife doesn’t leave it to chance. She keeps a tally of how often she does something for her spouse and lets them know quite often.

6. Manipulates

Characteristics of a dominant wife include shrewd manipulations capable of making their partner feel guilt about day-to-day happenings. 

Spouses don’t like the idea of feeling guilty and will do what they need to, including letting go of their personal opinion and relenting to the control of the dominant wife.

7. Is extravagant

In the beginning, when you start dating, you might be lavished with expensive gifts, driving a luxury car, staying at her nice place, and having her take you to extravagant meals, and outings. 

It makes it more difficult for you to walk away from the controlling person if warning signs begin to pop up.

Dr Jacobsen states, 

This is another red flag for abusive behavior. An abusive person will shower you with attention and gifts in the beginning, so when they show their true colors, you’ll feel confused and remain in the relationship.

8. Spies on the spouse

Whether snooping behind your backing or demanding to be privy to private information, they feel they deserve full disclosure despite that being a violation of personal boundaries. 

They might go into your email, check your phone, or track your internet history consistently. There should be a level of trust, but there isn’t. This steps over the line.

Related Reading: Spying On Your Mate: Is The Risk Worth It

9. Is possessive

Jealousy in the start is often viewed as cute and endearing, a sign of how much someone has become attached. When it grows intense, it becomes possessive and can be scary. 

A mate who looks at every interaction you encounter as flirting, finds suspicion with or feels threatened by many people you meet, or blames you for leading people on could be an anxious, insecure, and paranoid person, not to mention controlling.

Related Reading: 15 Ways on How to Stop Being Possessive

 10. Does not give personal space

All couples need time apart to enjoy personal interests, alone time, personal space. Dominant wife rules don’t allow this time; they don’t respect alone time for their spouse, and instead make them feel guilty for even requesting such a thing. 

Just because a dominant wife might not need the time on her own, it’s good for some people to recharge and rejuvenate. It’s wise to discuss the topic with someone less controlling to talk with.

11. Has trust issues

The idea of having to earn trust after being with someone for a significant period seems like a personal issue more than an issue with the spouse. 

With a dominant wife, the spouse will be questioned if he is a little late coming home from work or if he stops at the store on the way home. He shouldn’t have to speak about his whereabouts every second of every day.

Related Reading: 15 Ways on How to Build Trust in a Relationship

12. Makes the spouse feel guilty

A wife controls marriage and can manipulate each situation if she’s dominant, so you believe you’re guilty before you even know what happened. Typically, you’ll come into an angry demeanor regarding something they decided while you were away. 

The assumption is it was criminal. It’s their way to keep you in line, so you don’t do it again.

13. Makes the spouse tired of arguments

While some dominant wife marriages like to fly in under the radar, others embrace arguments and openly and boisterously join in conflict with their partners often. 

It’s especially true when a mate is especially passive. The dominant wife has a greater likelihood of coming out on top in each disagreement in many cases because the controlling partner is exhausted from all the arguments. 

Watch this video for more perspective on dealing with a controlling partner.

14. Belittles the spouse

If you have specific cultural traditions, a particular take on politics, or a long-standing faith, it’s nice to have these discussions with a partner to get their take and see things from a different side of the spectrum. 

That doesn’t mean you’ll change your view. It’s awful when a dominant wife belittles your views and tries to change your mind to their way of thinking.

Related Reading: 11 Tips for Living With a Husband Who is Always Putting You Down

15. Makes the spouse feel unworthy

A dominant wife wants you to feel grateful that you’re in a relationship with her. She expresses how much more attractive she is, how much more accomplished. how many more friends she has, and she even goes so far as to compare you to previous dates.

It creates an atmosphere where a spouse wants to work harder to keep their special wife, which is part of her control tactic.

Related Reading: Not Feeling Grateful? Here’s Some Useful Relationship Advice

16. Ridicules

A controlling person can often use ridicule as a form of interacting to bring humor or teasing to the conversation. It needs to be appreciated by both people involved instead of a thinly veiled excuse for emotional abuse. 

Not everyone will see the humor in being belittled or put down for the other person’s good time.

Check out this informative book on what to do when control takes over, and you want to find a way to let go of it.

17. Is upset after sex

If your sexual relationship leaves you unsettled, it’s an indication; there are issues in the partnership. Sometimes things are not okay during sex when there’s an abusive or controlling side to the partnership. 

That can lead to things not feeling good even after the interaction. That needs to be carefully looked at and perhaps approached with a counselor before further interactions.

18. Disregards your point of view

When attempting to offer your opinion or express your viewpoint, you’re continuously interrupted, or what you say is dismissed or never acknowledged. Your wife always dominates the conversations; there are never thought-provoking questions for you to answer. 

Related Reading: How Perspective Helps Your Relationship Grow

19. Pressurizes you into unhealthy behavior

A dominant wife will not pay attention to your fitness goals nor respect them. There will be continual temptation to take a cigarette even if you’ve quit; or take more alcohol than you want to drink. It’s another way to take control and make a partner weaker.

Related Reading: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships: How to Differentiate?

20. Does not allow individual decisions

In many relationships, some decisions are mutually exclusive to the person they pertain to. That’s not true in a dominating marriage. The wife has a say in every decision, even if it’s not necessarily relevant to her. 

That can include the kind of clothing you buy, schooling decisions, and other personal choices.

Related Reading: Ways to Make a Strong Decision Together

21. Complains about people who are not like her

She berates people who can’t be like her. She is self-obsessed, making it impossible to see good in others who don’t function like her. It’s why she has few friends.

22. Is easily embarrassed 

While she enjoys going out with you for your company, a controlling wife will dictate the acceptable behavior you should display in front of her friends and colleagues so you don’t embarrass her. 

Quite likely, she is a high-maintenance woman, and that means you shouldn’t do any talking while with her at the event. Those at the event will wonder why you’re not interacting, but you’re afraid to say anything taboo with strict rules. 

You’ll ultimately begin to lose your self-esteem, which will require a conversation since it borders on mental abuse.

23. Gets furious at almost anything

If things don’t work out the way she wants, acting out inappropriately or getting angry is typical behavior for the dominant wife. It’s not just a matter of being short-tempered; men are scared of their wives’ anger issues with yelling. 

She needs to know the drama no longer works, so she stops the behavior.

Related Reading: 5 Valuable Tips on Managing Anger in Relationships

24. Argues unnecessarily

She uses harsh words, curse words, yells, and gets angry when arguing. If you get involved by participating in this behavior, she will worsen here. 

Her methodology is to control your articulation, thoughts, and emotions. The best thing to do is to avoid the conflict and wait until there’s a more reasonable time to have a discussion. 

Listen to this podcast on the controlling wife trying to stir up the husband’s anger.

25. Has behavioral issues that need professional help

A controlling person is not healthy for anyone emotionally or mentally. You can try to talk to your spouse about it patiently, but this sort of situation may make counseling necessary. 

An experienced therapist can help a dominant wife understand the need for stringent control and teach coping skills for triggers.

Final Thoughts

A dominant wife takes all the control in a partnership with the potential to create emotional and mental distress due to the relationship’s toxicity. Before throwing in the towel, it’s always wise to reach out to professionals for guidance on the issues.

Counseling is a solution for the couple if the controlling partner will participate. The experts can guide her to understand the need for dominance and teach her how to manage the triggers. 

A counselor can also teach the spouse how to identify red flags, as well as how to respond to toxic behavior without worsening the conflict.

In these circumstances, professional therapy is very beneficial to each member of the couplehood.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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