Being married to a narcissist can be extremely difficult and talking of difficulty, it can be a challenge to figure out if you are married to a narcissist or not. So to help you along – here are nine apparent signs that you are married to a narcissist.
1. They have grand self-esteem
One of the most visible and glaring signs that you are married to a narcissist is that your partner has grandiose self-esteem.
They see themselves as perfect and exceptional.
They also believe that this is how their family, friends, peers, and associates also see them because this is what they intend to project.
2. They lack empathy
Another distinguishable sign that you are married to a narcissist is your partner’s lack of empathy.
Empathy is a person’s capability to recognize another person’s feelings and thoughts. You can be an empath and not be in love with a person. However, it’s not the same the other way around. You cannot be in love or express love when you do not have empathy.
Remember: Love is impossible without empathy for it is empathy that differentiates feelings of infatuations from actual love.
Lack of empathy may be hard to see, but, it is exhibited in behaviors such as saying mean things to you without them batting an eye.
If you are married to a narcissist, they won’t demonstrate any empathy towards you or anybody around them (although they can be good at pretending).
3. They exhibit manipulative and self-serving behaviors
While this may be blunt to say, but sadly, a narcissist only gets married because they can get something from that marriage or that person. If you are married to a narcissist if you asked them the question “do you love me because you need me or do you need me because you love me?”
If they were honest, they would tell you that they love you because they need you.
But of course, they won’t say that because they know that is not what you need to hear and to keep you they will tell you what you want to hear.
If you’re wondering if you are married to a narcissist, it’s well worth watching out for manipulative and self-serving behaviors. An example of which is guilt-tripping or negative comparison.
Using the power of words, they could probably tell you “Aren’t you grateful that I married you?” (guilt-trip) Or “You’re so bad at cooking! My ex was better than you” (negative comparison).
If you’ve heard any of these phrases, or similar in your relationship, you might be married to a narcissist.
4. They are are a bit too charming
At the beginning of your relationship, you can’t help but ogle at your now husband or wife. When they came to the room, they would light it up, and you weren’t the only one to notice, but, everyone did! Your then partner would have been charming and polished. Even perfect! A little too perfect, perhaps?
Another obvious sign that you’re married to a narcissist is that they’re just too charming (or they were at the beginning – when they were wooing you).
You’ll notice if you are married to a narcissist by assessing the charm factor. Have they stopped charming you now they’ve snagged you? But do you see them charming other people and wonder what changed, or even recoil at the fakeness you witness having become used to your partner’s traits. These are classic signs that you are married to a narcissist.
5. They are bad conversationalists
A conversation is good when there is a nice flow, exchange of thoughts and views shared between two or more people.
It becomes a bad conversation when someone interrupts another person and interjects their own stories as if the other people in the group do not exist.
We’ve all experienced this type of conversation, but did you know that this is a sign of a narcissistic personality disorder? Of course, it’s not always the case if you are with somebody who is bursting with excitement over something or worried and concerned about a situation they may be too consumed with that situation to listen to you, but the pattern will be temporary. The interruption pattern with a narcissist will be constant.
When you’re married to a narcissist, expect conversations to lose flow because your narcissistic partner will put the attention back towards them especially if you’re deviating from giving them attention.
6. They embellish stories and achievements
Another telltale sign that you are married to a narcissist is how they share their stories and achievement with (or to in a narcissists case) others.
Don’t get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with having a sense of accomplishment, but, to a narcissist, these stories and achievements are so embellished that they can seem unbelievable.
The embellishment of stories and achievements is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to get people to like them.
On a more dangerous level, they could use you to trick you into believing you have false memories, which is called ‘gaslighting.’
7. They have no respect for personal boundaries
A marriage has rules and these rules make it possible for two people to be free (sounds a bit ironic) but when you think about it, it’s true.
With a narcissist, there are no rules, and because you love them, they will use this love you have for them to exempt themselves from any rules or personal boundaries you have because, after all, they are “above” it.
Having no respect for your boundaries is another sign that you are married to a narcissist.
8. They switch from hot to cold and vice versa
Do you feel pulled in and pushed away by your spouse frequently? If you answered ‘yes,’ you might be married to a narcissist.
The hot and cold behavior is a way to manipulate you into their self-serving ways.
Your partner may love-bomb you today, and tomorrow, they won’t even pick up their phone when you call them. If you notice this or similar patterns, your partner is subjecting you to intermittent reinforcement which makes you just like, want, and love them even more.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.