How to Get Over a 5-Year Relationship: 15 Practical Ways

Regardless of the circumstances, breaking up after 5 years can be a significant loss. Partners will generally experience a blend of emotions, including loneliness, sadness, anger, relief, betrayal, and periods of grief.

Sometimes, an ex trying to discern how to get over a 5-year relationship will jump into another partnership immediately before fully coping with the emotions from the previous one. Ultimately, this can create more damage for you and the individual unaware of what they’re getting involved with.

When you take the opportunity to live as a singleton for a while, getting to know who you are after these 5 years and allowing yourself to heal, there’s a healthy person to bring back to the dating world when you’re ready.

In the meantime, you can reacquaint yourself with old friends, enjoy new interests, and spend time with family, an incredible source of support during the healing phase. Even research suggests the growth potential following the dissolution of a relationship of poor quality.

So, if you have gone through a year of relationship breakup, it’s time you understand how you can overcome the grief and pain and continue with your life. 

How to get over a breakup

Coping with the breaking up after a long relationship can look different for each person. Some people have been contemplating ending a year of relationship or more for some time, meaning they’ve had time to work through the challenging emotions, leaving them relieved.

For others, breaking up after years may come as a surprise, creating a long, arduous journey, looking through the tips explaining how to get over a year of breakup or more can help during this challenging time.

How long does it take to get over a 5-year relationship?

The longer the partnership lasts and the greater the commitment, the more challenging it is to cope with ending a long-term relationship. There are so many variables that come into play. It really depends on the couple, the circumstances surrounding the decision, and how it leaves the individuals.

Experts can have varying opinions from 3 to 18 months, but one study attempts to put some perspective on the subject. The primary factor is that you shouldn’t put a timeframe on your healing process.

It’s essential to feel the myriad emotions until you can work through each. When you accept your new situation, you’ll be ready to move forward.

5 possible reasons why couples break up after 5 years

In the beginning, many couples enjoy the honeymoon phase, which can almost be described as a fairytale. 

In this stage, a partner seems virtually perfect, and time together is spent in infatuation with each other, gushing over the positive and being somewhat blind to the possibility of fault or negative aspects of the relationship. 

By the time reality begins to set in, and couples begin to weather even minor storms, they’re not sure how to do that as a “team” effort because they haven’t taken the time to establish a sustainable bond. 

Not to mention, couples contended that the intense passion has now calmed to a comfortable familiarity.

As time passes and the realization sets in that there’s a lot of work to establish and move forward with a healthy, functional bond, some couples hunker down and take the challenge together, while others let the partnership die after the first few years.

You might find the book by Daphne Rose Kingma, “Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours,” a most worthwhile read.

Below are some of the more common reasons for failed connections:

1. Finances

Finances are a common problem among couples, especially when one person takes control and the other is irresponsible with household money. It can lead to significant upheaval in the partnership, culminating in a 5-year relationship breakup.

2. Failure to communicate

It’s essential to discuss problems as they happen and work through them as a couple. When one person has a concern and chooses to internalize the issue instead of having a conversation, it leaves their partner confused and helpless, with unresolved conflicts stacking up to destroy the partnership.

3. Unrealistic expectations for marriage

When you believe that a relationship or marriage will be the fairytale that dating was in the beginning stages, you’re setting yourself up to fail. The honeymoon phase is not a sustainable path for a partnership.

Eventually, life comes in, forcing you to look at your couplehood with realism. The goal is to determine if you’re willing to work through the bad that will come with the good.

4. In-law issues

Extended family can be brutal sometimes. Generally, one or two individuals are not fond of the new person in their relative’s life.

These family members are typically not shy about making their opinions known, wreaking havoc on partners stuck between their partner and their family. Sometimes, inlaws won’t let up, resulting in the ending of a long-term relationship.

5. Life plans change

There are times when life plans differ in a partnership. Perhaps you were on the same page when you were dating, or maybe, unfortunately, you didn’t discuss long-term issues, including religion, kids, a financial future, or other serious topics.

If you find you vastly differ in these circumstances, you might be figuring out how to get over a five-year relationship since it will likely not succeed. 

10 ways to know when you should break up and end a long-term relationship

When trying to determine how to break up with someone after years, it can be an emotionally difficult decision since it won’t only alter your life, but it will also drastically affect your partner’s life and emotional well-being.

In that same breath, if the union is unhealthy, you will eventually be better for it and get over a five-year relationship primarily unscathed. Let’s look at signs telling you it’s time to call it quits.

1. You’re behaving out of character

One way you’ll find it’s time to get over a 5-year relationship is to be free to be who you are. Sometimes, losing yourself in certain partnerships is easy, depending on the circumstances.

Your partner might be someone you feel uncomfortable expressing yourself, or you censor the context of how you speak or act around them.

Perhaps you feel the need to apologize frequently since their standards are exceptionally high; you might be in a controlling situation or one where there is a power play.

It is toxic and unhealthy, making it a situation where you need to figure out how to end a year of relationship or more. Then, you’ll need to discern how to get over a 5-year breakup so you don’t attempt to return to that situation.

2. Your partner keeps you away from family and friends

If you’ve been with someone for five years and they keep you hidden from family and friends, that indicates they’re not emotionally invested in the partnership.

After a certain period, most partners find it essential to bring their partner into their inner circle to grow the relationship. Not having this inclusion would make it somewhat easy when deciding on leaving and getting over a year of relationship or more.

3. You’re in a constant state of anxiety

When anxiety shrouds the partnership, whether you fear the union is merely not strong enough to withstand the test of time or continually doubt the love of your partner, it can become detrimental, eventually causing a partner to wonder how to end a long relationship. 

There will always be a question in the back of someone’s mind that’s normal here and there, but when you can’t let it go to the point it starts to hinder your couplehood genuinely, you’ll likely find yourself trying to figure out how to get over a 5-year relationship.

4. Appreciation and respect are lacking

Appreciation and respect are non-negotiable elements in a partnership. If your union has grown to the level where you no longer appreciate the other person’s efforts, nor do they yours, there’s little left of the couplehood to hold onto.

Everyone wants to feel needed and valuable by their significant other, not as those they can toss away without another thought – kind of like with a wave of their hand, they just ended a year relationship, and you’re left to figure out how to deal with a breakup after years.

5. Lack of intimacy

After some time, couples can start to lose their desire to have sex. That might be because they develop a rut to the point they designate a specific night and go through the motions instead of trying to keep the spice in this area of their relationship.

It’s a common problem for many couples but does not need to cause a breakup. It merely takes effort to put the passion back. All partners have ideas on how to do that; they need not be afraid to explore those to save what’s important to them.

6. Taking a break has become a habit

It’s good to take a break from couplehood occasionally. That allows you to return refreshed and ready to work on things together. Problems arise when you constantly look for a break over the same issues, showing no signs of resolution after receiving the requested space.

Sometimes, it’s wise to face the problem head-on, discern if it is fixable, and then move towards a healthy resolution, which might very well be to break up the partnership and then figure out individually how to get over a 5-year relationship.

7. There are fleeting thoughts of cheating

When you begin to think about other people and what it would mean if you just spent one night with them, a betrayal is a betrayal. 

Many healthy couples have found ways to work through affairs because they had a solid partnership to begin with. If you’re already struggling, taking this step would probably mean the end of your 5-year relationship.

8. A clingy or needy partner is stifling

Whether you’re needy or your partner is, that can be exceptionally draining on another person. Everyone hopes their partner has individual interests and a level of independence outside of the relationship. 

Codependence infringes on a partner’s personal space, so life revolves solely around the partnership. It can become controlling, and that’s toxic. It’s a situation that needs to be addressed and brought under control, or each of you will find out how to get over a 5-year relationship.

9. Trust has become an issue

Trust is the foundation of a healthy bond. If that has been broken, there’s no way to move forward comfortably. Rebuilding trust is incredibly difficult. It’s not always the case, even if you believe you’ve reestablished it. When something happens to test it, you’ll find the doubt and questioning reappear. 

10. Speak with a trusted mentor

Do you find yourself feeling unhappy more than joyful concerning the partnership, considering how life would feel if you were free of the burden of the relationship?

However, if you’re unsure if a breakup is the right thing after such a long time, reach out to an impartial, trusted mentor for an opinion. With such a vital life circumstance, a mentor will look at all the variables nonjudgmentally without sugarcoating the facts with their feedback.

Relationships are easy to walk away from. That’s always the simplest answer. Figuring out how to stay and make it work takes effort and commitment. What you need to determine is if your partner is worth that. A mentor is an ideal resource to help you do that.

10 signs it’s time to break up & get over a 5-year relationship

Deciding to end a long-term relationship is a significant and often challenging decision. However, if you feel it’s time to move on from your relationship, you can look for signs to help you decide.

Here are some signs that it might be time to consider breaking up and moving on from a 5-year relationship:

• Communication breakdown: If communication has become difficult, and efforts to resolve issues or express feelings are met with resistance or indifference, it could signify a deeper problem.
• Lack of emotional connection: Over time, if you find that the emotional connection between you and your partner has diminished and you no longer feel the same level of intimacy or closeness, it might be a sign of growing apart.
• Unresolved issues: If persistent, unresolved issues keep resurfacing despite attempts to address them, it may indicate that fundamental differences or irreconcilable problems exist.
• Different life goals: Building a future together may be challenging if you and your partner have developed divergent life goals or values, causing conflict.
• Loss of respect: A lack of respect for each other’s boundaries, opinions, or personal growth can erode the foundation of a relationship. Mutual respect is crucial for a healthy partnership.
• Constant negativity: If the relationship is characterized by constant negativity, criticism, or a lack of support, it can cause emotional exhaustion and a sense of being unfulfilled.
• Feeling stuck or unhappy: If you consistently feel stuck, unhappy, or unfulfilled despite efforts to improve the relationship, it might indicate that it’s time to reassess your situation.
• Trust issues: Trust is vital in any relationship. If trust has been broken repeatedly, and efforts to rebuild it are unsuccessful, it may not be easy to sustain a healthy and fulfilling partnership.
• Emotional or physical abuse: If there is any form of emotional or physical abuse in the relationship, it’s crucial to prioritize your safety and well-being. Seek support from friends, family, or professionals.
• Individual growth: People change and evolve over time. If you and your partner are heading in different directions regarding personal growth, career aspirations, or lifestyle choices, it may be a sign that the relationship is no longer compatible.

Deciding to end a long-term relationship is a highly personal choice, and it’s essential to consider the specific circumstances of your relationship carefully. If you’re uncertain, seeking the guidance of a relationship counselor or therapist can be beneficial in gaining clarity and navigating this challenging decision.

How to get over a 5-year relationship: 15 ways

Getting over a 5-year relationship can be incredibly challenging. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions and to struggle with the transition. However, there are steps you can take to help yourself heal and move forward.

Here are some possible ways you could try to help yourself get over a 5-year relationship:

1. Allow yourself to feel your emotions

It is essential to acknowledge and process the range of emotions that come with the end of a 5-year relationship. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, confusion, and any other emotions that arise to facilitate healing and closure.

2. Seek support from family and friends

Consider reaching out to your family and friends for emotional support and guidance. Sharing your experiences and feelings with them can offer comfort, validation, and different perspectives to help you navigate this difficult time.

3. Consider therapy

Engaging in therapy can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to explore your emotions, gain insights into patterns within your relationships, and learn effective coping strategies to move forward and grow from this experience.

4. Take care of your physical health

Maintain a healthy lifestyle by prioritizing regular exercise, nourishing your body with nutritious meals, and ensuring adequate sleep. Taking care of your health can positively impact your mental and emotional well-being when going through this challenging period.

5. Give yourself time

Healing from a 5-year relationship takes time, and it is essential to be patient with yourself. Allow yourself the space and time needed to process your emotions, grieve the loss, and gradually move toward acceptance and healing.

6. Journal

Writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal can be a therapeutic practice. It allows you to release your emotions, gain clarity, and reflect on your experiences, which can aid in processing the end of the relationship and finding closure.

7. Change your environment

If possible, consider making changes to your environment, such as redecorating, rearranging furniture, or even moving to a new location. These changes can create a fresh start and help you establish a new chapter in your life.

8. Stay busy

Engaging in activities you enjoy and finding new hobbies or interests can help distract your mind from dwelling on the past. Keeping yourself occupied with positive experiences can enable personal growth and aid in the healing process.

9. Focus on self-improvement

Use this time as an opportunity for personal growth. Take up new skills, pursue educational opportunities, or engage in self-improvement activities that align with your interests. This can help you build confidence, expand your horizons, and focus on your well-being.

10. Avoid contact with your ex

Minimize or cut off contact with your ex-partner to create emotional distance and allow yourself space to heal. Continued contact may hinder the healing process and prolong emotional attachment, making it harder to move forward and find closure.

11. Allow forgiveness

Practice forgiveness, both for yourself and for your ex-partner. Holding onto resentment and anger can prevent healing and growth. Forgiveness can release negative emotions, free you from the past, and create space for new beginnings and personal growth.

12. Try meditation or mindfulness

Engaging in mindfulness practices or learning meditation techniques can help calm the mind, lower stress, and promote inner peace during this challenging time. Focusing on the present moment and nurturing self-awareness can cultivate resilience and enhance emotional well-being.

13. Seek advice from others with similar experiences

Connect with people who have experienced similar breakups and seek their advice. Sharing stories, insights, and support can provide validation, guidance, and the reassurance that healing is possible, reminding you that you are not alone in your journey.

14. Volunteer

Engaging in volunteer work can provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Contributing to a cause you care about can help shift your focus outward, connect with others, and promote personal growth and healing.

It also offers opportunities to make new connections, expand your support network, and gain a fresh perspective on life.

Watch Andrew D. Huberman, an American neuroscientist, as he explains the science and process of healing from grief in this video:

15. Believe in the future

Trust that with time and self-care, things will get better. Embrace the journey ahead with optimism, believing this experience is a stepping stone toward personal growth, new opportunities, and ultimately finding happiness again.

FAQs

Going through a breakup after a long-term relationship can be a challenging and emotional experience. Here are some commonly asked questions about breakups in long-term relationships:

• What to expect when getting over a 5-year relationship?

When getting over a 5-year relationship, expect a roller coaster of emotions, including sadness, anger, and confusion. Adjusting to the new reality and healing from the loss may take time. You may also experience a sense of loneliness and nostalgia.

• What are the most common challenges people face when getting over a 5-year relationship?

Some common challenges when getting over a 5-year relationship include the fear of being alone, a loss of identity, and low self-esteem. Establishing new routines and adjusting to life as a single individual can be challenging. 

Processing the emotions associated with the breakup, such as resentment or guilt, may also present challenges.

• What are some tips for dealing with grief and loss after a breakup?

To deal with grief and loss after a breakup, start by allowing yourself to feel and process the emotions. Surround yourself with a support system, engage in self-care activities and practice mindfulness. You can also consider seeking therapy or counseling to work through the stages of grief.

• How can I rebuild my self-esteem and confidence after a breakup?

Rebuilding self-esteem and confidence after a breakup involves focusing on self-care, practicing self-compassion, and setting realistic goals. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself, such as pursuing hobbies or learning new skills. Challenge negative self-talk and replace it with positive affirmations.

Final thoughts

Going beyond the five-year point with a relationship can involve a great deal of work, especially if serious issues make doing so challenging. Some problems are insurmountable with no recourse except to break up, especially when trust is broken.

Sometimes, it’s essential to look at the underlying cause of a problem to see what went wrong and work on the root of that issue in order to grow and move forward healthfully.

For instance, why did your partner betray your trust? Did they feel they were backed into a corner by a set of circumstances?

That’s why communication is so essential. Problems are not always as cut and dry as they might appear on the surface. Turning and walking away from a situation doesn’t take much effort.

Taking a moment to see if there’s a way to work through the chaos is sometimes worth the effort; partners can prove worthy depending on the circumstances.

Again, a mentor or professional counselor can help you work through that decision when you’re having difficulties making it on your own. An impartial thought process enables us to see what we otherwise might miss.

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Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

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