11 Ways to Get the Upper Hand in a Relationship

You meet someone, and you agree on almost everything. Soon, you begin dating, and you fall in love. Sounds easy, right?

But what happens when there is a disbalance and you don’t have the upper hand in a relationship?

Being in a relationship is far more than just getting to know each other and falling in love. When you are in a relationship, you will enter different phases where you discover the not-so-good traits of the person you love.

Then, there are the power dynamics in your relationship. Who has the upper hand in a relationship?

Maybe, you feel like you have lost in the power struggle and want to know how to regain power in a relationship. 

What does it mean to have the upper hand in a relationship? 

Having the upper hand in a relationship sounds fantastic, but let us dig into this deeper.

The term “upper hand” was first used when doing business.

It is said that the person with the upper hand is the one who has nothing to lose.

For example, you don’t like the terms of the business proposal, so you can simply walk away. You have the upper hand because you don’t have anything to lose in this meeting.

This term soon began to be used in relationships. It’s all about getting the upper hand in a relationship.

The person who has the upper hand in a relationship is the one who has nothing to lose. 

Yes, you are in love, but if the relationship does not benefit you or may seem abusive in any way, you can simply walk away.

How to regain power in a relationship?

Do you feel that you’ve lost your upper hand in a relationship? Does it bother you that you can’t seem to know how to start regaining power in a relationship?

Everyone who has been in a relationship knows that sometimes, we have the upper hand, and sometimes, we don’t. It all depends on the situation and the phase of the relationship.

Wanting control is normal. It’s the balance that we all want. You can’t have the upper hand in a relationship all the time, and the struggle to have the upper hand in a relationship is always there.

However, there can be instances when you feel that you’re slowly losing control. This is where regaining power in a relationship comes in.

Dionne Eleanor , relationship and empowerment mentor says,

 Regaining power in a relationship ethically requires humility, empathy, and a commitment to open communication and compromise.

We have to make sure that we don’t cross the line in doing so.

There are cases where the power struggle becomes too much that the person becomes abusive or would sort to abusive techniques to show who has the power.

You don’t have to shout or belittle your partner just to show you have the upper hand in a relationship.

Knowing the proper way to learn how to have the upper hand in a relationship is crucial.

11 ways to get the upper hand in your relationship 

Learning how to regain the upper hand in a relationship isn’t that hard. Here are some ways to try.

1. Always take care of your physical appearance

Learning how to gain power in a relationship can simply start by investing in how you look.

If you overlook taking care of yourself and start feeling insecure, do you think you can still keep your upper hand in your relationship?

To safeguard against insecurity is why you need to keep investing in how you look. Go ahead and do this for your partner, as well as for yourself. 

Keep the fire of attraction alive in your relationship. The chase and the thrill of wanting your partner would always be there, and if you feel wanted, you know you have the power.

Related Reading: 5 Ways to Look Attractive Years after Marriage

2. Always be confident

Confidence is the effect of our first tip. When you feel good about yourself, your skills, and your intelligence, your confidence will always be there.

When you are confident, you feel like you can take on the world.

Your partner won’t be able to intimidate or even take control of you because you know what you want and what you can do.

Confidence is always necessary to get the upper hand in a relationship.

3. Learn to speak up

Another way on how to get the upper hand in your relationship is by using your voice.

Know what you want and need, and don’t be afraid to speak for yourself.

If you don’t speak up, then who will do it for you?

So, before you feel sad that your partner doesn’t cater to your needs, remember that you have a voice. Use it, not just to have the upper hand in a relationship, but to have a clear understanding of each other. 

Related Reading: Tips on Speaking with Each Other Respectfully

4. Know how to be self-sufficient

Another way to know how to get the upper hand in a relationship with a guy or a girl is by being self-sufficient.

It means you have your own income; you have the skills to live your life to the fullest, with or without your partner.

Some people lose the upper hand in a relationship because they realize they can’t live without their partners. They become afraid to lose their partners because they don’t know what to do without them.

Being self-sufficient simply means that you are not dependent on anyone.

5. Know how to be responsible

Another tip on how to get the upper hand in a relationship with a woman or a man: know how to be responsible.

When you have the upper hand, you make decisions, and you have to be responsible for it and for the consequences in case it doesn’t go as planned.

Remember that the quickest way to lose your upper hand in a relationship is when you become irresponsible.

Also Try: Is Your Man Ready for Marriage?

6. Learn to care and respect your partner

One misconception on how to gain the upper hand in a relationship is by imposing it by using intimidating techniques.

Respect is one of the foundations of a strong relationship, and if you want to have the upper hand, you need to know how to respect your partner.

If you want your partner to treat you and your decisions with respect, you have to treat your partner the same way. 

7. Be amazing in bed

You know how to invest in your looks, and you are also oozing with confidence; what’s next? 

Make sure you don’t skip on physical and sexual intimacy.

If you know how to please your partner, they will come back for more. 

Dionne Eleanor states,

Sexuality is a powerful force that can bring joy, pleasure, and vitality into our lives when approached with openness and respect.

Who has the upper hand now?

Also Try: Are You Good in Bed Quiz

8. Stop with the games

Stop playing games if you want to know how to have power in a relationship.

Games such as not talking, refusing sexy time, not taking care of your partner; are just petty games that some people do to get what they want.

It may work for a while but until when?

You’re not getting the upper hand here. If you are dating someone confident and self-sufficient, this person might just leave you and walk away. 

9. Know how to set boundaries

We all have our own set of rules in a relationship.

Establishing personal boundaries ensures that we are comfortable and happy in the relationship. You have the upper hand in a relationship if you know these rules and how to set them firmly.

In any event that some of these boundaries cross the line, then you can walk away.

You don’t have to stay in a relationship that will be uncomfortable, abusive, or will make you unhappy.

Check out this video to learn more about setting healthy boundaries in your relationship:

10. Have a life outside the relationship

Even if you are head-over-heels in love, you should still have your own life outside the relationship.

People often lose the upper hand when they focus everything on their partners. In turn, their partners might feel suffocated by all the attention.

If you have a busy life outside your relationship, your partner will miss you and yearn for you.

Also Try: Who Is the Love Of My Life Quiz

11. Be independent

Being independent does not mean you don’t need to be in love or have a partner. It means you are capable of doing things on your own.

Let’s face it, being needy is not attractive.

If you are independent, not only will you have the upper hand in your relationship, your partner will also think you’re sexy and admirable. 

Better to always have the upper hand in your relationship. True?

Having the upper hand in a relationship all the time is not healthy, just like how too much of a good thing can also be damaging.

We want a balance of power.

It’s allowing your partner to have the upper hand in certain situations but not to the point of being controlled or always being the needy one.

In some cases, your partner has the upper hand, for example, when you’re handling your business. In some cases, you can have the upper hand, like when dealing with your home and the kids.

Also Try: The Power Of Two – Relationship Quiz

Conclusion

At first, relationships can revolve around who has the upper hand in a relationship. 

It’s learning how to live with another person while trying to make everything work without being too needy or too bossy. You slowly build yourself to be independent, responsible, and respectful. 

Soon, as you mature, you will eventually find that balance. 

Indeed, life and relationships are all about balance. It’s when you know each other’s strengths and weaknesses and you support each other. 

That’s when the power struggle subsides, and that is when teamwork begins.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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