Many marriages become stuck because forgiveness is not a central tenet of the marriage. When problems arise, some couples become absolutely mired in a tit-for-tat cycle that puts brinkmanship and “settling the score” ahead of addressing and mitigating anger.
The importance of forgiveness in marriage cannot be understated. However, have you ever stopped and thought:
What is forgiveness and why is it important?
How important is forgiveness in a marriage?
How does one practice forgiveness in marriage?
Forgiveness in marriage is an essential component of a successful relationship. You and your partner’s ability to seek and grant forgiveness is highly significant to attain marital satisfaction.
Forgiveness in married life allows you to step out of the role of a victim and shows that you are capable of acknowledging your hurt and move on from it. Forgiveness in marriage is a skill that helps couples to process negative emotions and acts in order to build a stronger bond.
The idea of forgiving your partner who hurt you or made you angry can be the hardest thing to implement in a relationship. Letting go of your partner’s misdeeds necessitates you to let go of your resentment against them.
Trying to punish your partner by holding on to your negative emotions and acting frosty or distant is very harmful for your relationship. Working through these emotions, however, is a bold step that requires a lot of will to move past your partner’s transgressions.
Hope this article helps you understand why forgiveness is important? and what is the importance of forgiveness in relationships?
For starters, the partners must have the ability to bring insight into the conflict. Insight, and its neighbor empathy, allow the partner(s) to step away from their own version of events to see, hear, and experience what their partners may be experiencing because of unhealthy words or actions.
Insight allows us to “stand in someone else’s shoes.” With this fresh perspective, we may be able to better appreciate how a series of events affects the other’s soul and spirit.
To understand your partner better you need to openly communicate your feelings and allow them to speak their mind as well.
We all have flaws and we are bound to make mistakes that can hurt or disappoint our loved ones. The difference in our perspectives and mindsets can affect the health of our relationships.
However, forgiveness aids us in not wallowing over things we can’t control and strive towards a lasting relationship.
The important thing to know is that true forgiveness in marriage is not a form of weakness, as it is widely believed to be. It might seem as if you are condoning their actions, however letting go means that you want to let go of what happened and heal your relationship.
The next steps
If you are able to appreciate the pain being carried by the other, then the prospect of healing is very possible. If you are the offender, express genuine remorse for the acts or words that damaged the partner and the relationship.
If your partner is the offender, be open to their expressions of remorse. With these “confessions” on the table, the couple is poised to take some transformative action. What must we do to mitigate the possibility of the injury recurring in the future?
Should we atone for the wrongdoing through some sort of literal or metaphorical reparations? Do we need to enlist the help of other caring adults to help us plot a course forward?
To separate yourself from any negative emotions you need to first accept the presence of such emotions. Once you are aware of your negative feeling you can then try to move away from them.
Don’t let resentment fester in your relationship, express your thoughts and feelings while remaining respectful towards each other. When resentment is left to fester it will grow quickly and this can lead to irreparable damage.
Find other healthy ways to repair your relationship and rebuild any lost trust.
If you are the one who has been hurt by your partner then confront your emotions and thoughts that nudge you to hold on to the hurt feelings. On the other hand, if you have hurt your partner, apologize for your mistakes.
This would stimulate forgiveness in your partner and help them realize that people make mistakes and you are trying to do the best that you can.
Learning to let go and avoid petty conflicts can help you enhance your relationship and focus more on the healthy aspects of your marriage.
With some action items in place, the real “heavy lifting” begins. Healthy individuals learn to “mend their ways” and move in a direction that minimizes the potential for additional pain and brokenness.
This does not imply that there can no longer be mistakes in the marriage – after all, this is an impossibility – instead, true atonement after forgiveness implies that the offending partner is now aware of how his or her actions have the potential to hurt the other.
If we know it will hurt someone else, we should have the ability to steer clear of the damaging activity in the future.
Communicating your feelings in a clear, non-confrontational way is vital before you can learn to forgive your partner. Similarly, listen to your partner and try to understand what led them to make a mistake.
Allow them a chance to explain themselves and take responsibility for their actions. This process of give and take is required in every relationship.
Forgiveness in marriage is not only essential for the well being of your relationship but for you to individually process the act of self-liberation. It frees you from unhealed wounds and resentment, which in turn allows you to flourish and make careful judgments in the future.