Contrary to popular expectations that we usually have at the beginning of every romantic relationship, there come a time when things get really thick, and the only reasonable thing to do is terminate the relationship.
These experiences often leave us with feelings of grief, rejection or loss.
In an attempt to cope, one might be tempted to jump into another intimate relationship.
This is what is typically referred to as rebound relationships; a case where one jumps straight into another romantic relationship shortly after a breakup and without taking enough time to emotionally heal from such breakups.
That’s what is a rebound relationship and there is a lot of baggage in it from the previous relationship. The person on the rebound lacks emotional stability required to build a thriving relationship and uses the person they are with as a distraction.
Clearly, rebound relationship experiences are full of pain, regret and a lot of emotional turbulence.
And although a few of these relationships end up successful, most of them are always harmful and detrimental not only to the rebounding partner but also to the unsuspecting new partner.
Joining up based on weakness rather on the strength.
One of the negative consequences associated with rebound relationships is that one or both partners join up based on weakness rather on strength.
Talking of rebound relationship success rate, most of these last few weeks to a few months tops.
It is often dumping of toxic residual emotions like anxiety, despair, and grief from the previous relationships onto the new one, before the full healing of the emotions takes place.
Since the individual on the rebound has not dealt with the emotional toxicity, they bring a lot of resentment and instability in the new relationship. That’s why the average length of rebound relationships is not beyond the first few months.
So, do rebound relationships work? The likelihood is less, the only exception could be if the person on rebound chooses to date out of openness and a happy headspace.
If a person engages in rebound relationships to get back at an ex-partner or to distract themself from the grieving process, then these flings are doomed to end unceremoniously.
Is it a rebound relationship?
Below are our 5 telltale signs to watch out for should you feel that you may be trapped in rebound relationships.
1. Getting involved without an emotional connection
This is typically the case with those who get caught up in a sort of relationship arising from a one-night stand kind of experience or a hook up that lacks the emotional connection.
If you ever find yourself dating someone new and still in doubt about their long term viability for a lasting relationship despite some recent positive experiences you’ve had, then it is one of the early signs you are in a rebound relationship.
In most cases, the new partner is probably good for the moment but not the right candidate.
Jumping into a new relationship shortly after a breakup is a perfect recipe for emotional and physical vulnerability, a common occurrence in rebound relationships.
2. Your phone has become a toxic tool
If you ever notice that you still entertain certain things on your phone from your past relationship yet you’ve joined a new one, you are in the red zone. Clinging onto the past tenaciously is one of the signs of a rebound relationship.
Phone numbers, wallpapers, and ringtones from previous relationships are pointers that one is still holding on and not ready to join a new union.
Although it’s somehow normal for these to be retained for a short time, holding to them for too long into the new relationship could mean that there are certain things that you’ve not worked out for you to genuinely and rightly connect with a new partner.
3. You apparently feel rushed
One common thing with rebounders is that they fall very hard and fast for someone new.
Be very wary of such. Although it’s fascinating to have someone love, need and want you so much, it has to be based on honesty for it to last.
Real love takes time to mature.
It’s unlikely that one week into the new relationship and your rebounder has unexplainably fallen in love with you. It’s most likely not real and needs to be scrutinized.
You will realize that you don’t tackle serious issues in the relationship and instead, wash them away with “I’ll make it work” excuse.
This magical thinking in rebound relationships is blindfolding. If you feel rushed, stop and explore the reasons why your partner is in such a rush to do things.
You may realize that in a rebound marriage or a rebound relationship they are fueled by pain or thoughts of revenge.
4. You are in a relationship for the attention
At times, a rebounding person may deliberately venture out to seek a new partner who is likely to put more effort into courtship.
Such people will shower the rebounding person with affection and interest.
And because such people often need such treatments coming out a recent breakup, it’s logical to consider whether that’s all that is in it for you or you are after building a new, healthy relationship with your new partner.
In actual sense, it’s supposed to be all about positive-self awareness and not a discussion of what’s right and wrong.
5. You reach out when sad and take off when happy
If there’s any clear indication of a rebounding relationship, then it has to be this one.
If you notice you call your new partner more frequently when you are feeling lonely, sad or empty and tend to forget about them when you are happy, then you are definitely in one of the rebound relationships just for the sake of emotional convenience.
You are likely in it because of need and not want. And you are the rebounding person in the relationship.
Rebound relationships are not advisable to anyone due to their destructive end results. If you are suspecting on being in one, watch out for these common rebound relationship signs from either you or from your partner.
How to avoid a rebound relationship
The potential of rebound relationships blossoming into healthy and happy relationships is slim.
If you want to avoid the pitfalls of a rebound relationship, here are some effective ways to circumvent a rebound relationship.
Focus your energy on fully recovering from your previous relationship.
Avoid datingimmediately after a long term marriage or a relationship has ended.
Don’t dwell on your ex-partner and memories associated with them.
Practice self-love and self-compassion.
Learn to be at ease with yourself. Spend your alone time doing things you enjoy.
Invest your physical energy in working out as it will elevate your mood and alleviate your stress levels.
Also, seek help from a credible expert to understand why your relationship ended and recover from the loneliness, shame, regret, and grief that accompanies a tough breakup.
You will have a better chance at a faster recovery and dating without repeating the previous patterns or mistakes.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.