At the time, it seems like the end of the world. But a lot of divorcees end up marrying again, divorcing again, and even marrying a third or fourth time.
There is nothing wrong with that. Marriage itself is not a mistake. It is a partnership and whether or not it ends up like a dream or a nightmare depends entirely on the individuals involved and not the institution.
Falling in love is a natural thing.
Marriage is just a legal union to make things easier for the country and your children to manage assets, liabilities, and family identity. It is not a requirement for any individual to declare their love for each other and the world.
The wedding itself is just a celebration of a contract.
It’s no different when one company parties after signing a big client. What really matters is how both parties fulfill their obligations in the agreement.
It is a sacred commitment that can be fulfilled or broken.
Falling in love and divorce
It’s funny how love doesn’t always follow such contracts.
You can fall out of love with your spouse or even fall in love with someone else while married. It is also possible to find true love after a divorce. Once a marriage fails and ends up in a divorce, there is nothing wrong with loving again after a divorce.
You may even end up making the same mistakes or doing entirely new ones. Love is irrational that way, but one thing is for sure, a life without love is sad and boring.
Hopefully, a person has matured enough to know themselves and what they want in their partner before finding love after divorce.
Marriage is not a prerequisite for a happy relationship, and you don’t need to rush into one to find out if your new partner is your fated soulmate.
Marriage and divorce are expensive, and falling in love after divorce doesn’t need to end up in a marriage right away. It is normal to fall in love and use your experience to fix what was wrong in your previous marriage and apply it to your new one before getting married again.
Finding love again after divorce
Regardless of how lonely you might feel after a messy divorce, there’s no need to rush into a new marriage right away.
Falling in love is natural, and it will just happen.
Don’t even bother thinking about moot topics such as “will anyone ever love me again” or “will I find love after divorce.”
You will never find an answer to it, at least not a satisfactory answer.
It will just give you a delusion that you are either too good or “used goods.” Neither thought leads to a preferable conclusion.
The first thing you need to do after a divorce is to devote your time to improving yourself.
Marriage is a time-consuming commitment, and chances are you have sacrificed your career, health, looks, and hobbies for it.
Get back all you have sacrificed by catching up with the things you want to learn and do to become a better person.
Do not bother wasting time with rebound love and dating superficial relationships.
There will come a time for that.
Get sexy, update your wardrobe, and lose weight.
Learn new things and acquire new skills.
Don’t forget that others like people who are comfortable in their own skin. Do that first. If you want to find love after divorce, then make sure you attract better partners this time around.
Finding true love after a divorce is about finding yourself first, and having that person love you for who you really are.
One of the keys to relationship success is compatibility. If you need to overhaul yourself to keep a partner happy, then that’s a bad sign.
If your potential future mate falls in love with you for all that you are now, then it improves the chances of finding true love and even a successful second marriage.
Opening yourself to love works the same way.
You will feel naturally attracted to a person who fits your preferences. Be yourself, but improve. Be the best version of what you want.
If they like what you are selling, then they will buy it.
A lot of people would suggest that the best way to get over a divorce is to find someone new right away. Such rebound relationships are never a good idea.
You could plunge into an unwanted relationship with someone worse than your previous partner. There will come a time for that, but first, spend the time to improve yourself and do yourself and your future partner a favor by presenting them with a new and improved version of you.
If childrearing duties are more difficult because of the divorce, then all the more reason why you shouldn’t get into a new relationship right away.
Focus on taking care of your children who could end up having mental problems due to the divorce. Never neglect parental duties because you are desperate for love. You can handle both, you just need to manage your time.
Getting into it only takes time away for you to improve yourself (and take care of your children if you have any).
One good thing about a divorce is it gives you the time and freedom to pursue your own dreams. Do not waste that opportunity by getting into a shallow relationship because you want your ex to see you happy on Facebook.
If you genuinely need validation, then improving yourself does a lot in that regard.
Learning a new skill, traveling to new places, getting back to your sexy pre-marriage figure (or even better) will give you all the self-gratification that you need.
Love after divorce will just happen. Don’t be desperate. The more you improve, the more quality partners you will attract. Falling in love after divorce doesn’t need you to chase after it. It will happen if you are a lovable person first.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.