There might be nagging in any relationship from time to time, but if this occurs in yours, you should see what you can change about this right away.
Nagging is not usually beneficial for a relationship, and there are better ways to communicate and compromise. Here’s a look at how to stop nagging that may be useful for you.
What is nagging in a relationship
Generally speaking, the definition for nagging is when one person in a relationship is often complaining or trying to force the other person to do certain tasks. They may be nagging them about a number of things, including taking out the trash, going out on dates, or a number of additional complaints.
What does nagging do to a relationship
The effects of nagging in a relationship can be detrimental to the relationship. Some individuals that are being nagged may feel like they are being forced into certain situations or made to do things that they don’t want to do. This is something that most people don’t want to have to deal with.
A couple of nagging examples are when your partner continues to bring up issues that you have talked about and are aware of and are pressing the issue, and if your partner incessantly tells you to do the same task over and over, on a regular basis.
For example, if you are responsible for a certain chore and your partner doesn’t give you time to do it; instead, they want it done on their timetable.
20 ways to stop nagging in your relationship
Here is a list of ways that you may be able to utilize regarding how to stop nagging in a relationship. Any of these things may be able to help you if you give them a chance.
1. Do your mate’s chores, and don’t tell them you did
Sometimes you may feel like you want to nag your mate about the chores that you have asked them to do, and they haven’t done yet. If it is easier for you to do this chore, just do it for them this time and let it go. It is a good idea to keep this to yourself as well, so there won’t be an argument about it.
There’s nothing wrong with doing extra chores every now and then, especially if you are the one that wants them done the most.
2. Make sure you have clear expectations
When you are trying to learn how to stop nagging, a great place to start is with clear expectations. You and your partner should talk about what you expect of each other and what each person is responsible for.
Perhaps you want them to handle the outside chores while you address the inside chores. Make sure that you both know what the other one wants and that you are okay with this.
3. Change how you are thinking about things
At times, you may want to nag because you see something that hasn’t been done and it makes you upset or mad. You should think about why your mate hasn’t done something. Is it possible that they forgot to wash the dish that was in the sink?
Chances are, they didn’t leave a chore undone to hurt your feelings. If you feel like you need to talk to them about it, this is okay, but try your best not to nag them about it.
4. Don’t criticize when they are doing what you asked
In some situations, a person may get nagged no matter if they are doing what you ask them to or not. Consider if you are doing this to your partner. If you feel the need to say something when your mate is doing chores that you asked them to do, think about if this is helpful or not.
Moreover, if you are watching your mate do what you asked of them and you are telling them they aren’t doing it correctly, you may want to ask them to do something different instead.
5. Lead by example
When you are trying to stop being a nag, but you are seeing the condition of your home deteriorate, you may want to lead by example. If your partner doesn’t clean up after themselves, make it a point to clean up after yourself after every meal or snack. They may start emulating you.
6. Don’t jump to conclusions
You must learn not to jump to conclusions when you are learning how to stop nagging. Again, your partner is more than likely not ignoring what you are telling them. They may not even be aware that they haven’t done the things that you have asked of them.
Think about if they have had a busy day or extra stress in the last few days. This may be why they haven’t taken out the garbage or vacuumed.
7. Think about the things your partner does that you like
If you feel you are at your wit’s end when it comes to talking to your partner, you should do your best to think about what you like about their behavior. Although you may not like how they leave crumbs all over the floor, maybe you can focus on how they make the best steaks out of everyone you know.
8. Be honest about why you are nagging and change it
There are psychological effects of nagging, no matter if you are the one nagging or if you are the person that is getting nagged.
Think about why you are nagging your partner. Were you nagged when you were growing up or in a previous relationship? Be honest with yourself about what you want from your partner and why you are nagging them. This may help you stop nagging.
9. Reward your partner sometimes
A great way to encourage your partner is to reward them when they do things that you like. If they do a chore without you asking them to or bring home dinner when you have had a long day, let them know that you appreciate them.
Another thing that goes along with rewarding your mate is simply telling them you appreciate them. If you are nagging them more often than not, it can cause issues within your relationship. This is because it can be difficult for someone to learn how to deal with nagging.
11. Come to an agreement about chores
Chores around the house are a big trigger when it comes to nagging in relationships, according toresearch.
You should make sure that you know what you are responsible for and what others in your house are responsible for when it comes to the chores. When everyone is willing to do their part, it may be easier to keep from nagging.
12. See a therapist if you need to
If you feel like you do not know how to not nag and it is causing you to feel stressed out or anxious, you may want to meet with a therapist to talk about it.
You can seek out individual therapy, or in some cases, couples therapy may be something that is necessary to work through nagging in the relationship. Therapy may also be a good way to work on the way you communicate with others.
13. Don’t assume they know what you want
A big part of why do people nag is that they may think that is the only way to get their way or to get their point across. However, first, you should make sure that anyone that you regularly nag knows exactly what you need or want them to do.
You can’t assume that your spouse or children know what they should be doing, especially if you never told them. It can be helpful to make a list so that everyone can refer to it.
14. Be kind, even when you are frustrated
Sometimes, it may be hard to keep from nagging because you are frustrated. This is not the route you should take. If you aren’t feeling your best, you should take some time to relax and think about how you’re feeling instead of taking it out on someone else.
When you approach a situation with a positive attitude, this might make it more likely for someone to be open to what you want. Eventually, this might help you learn more on how to stop nagging.
15. Pick a mutually beneficial time to ask for something
Another aspect to consider when you are learning how to stop nagging is to talk to your partner about what you want when it is convenient for both of you. If you want them to mow the lawn, but it’s their day off, you should consider allowing them to rest for a bit first before you stress that the lawn should be mowed.
Think about how you would feel if someone wanted you to do work on your day off.
16. Listen to what your partner has to say
When you nag your mate from time to time, you need to make sure that you are listening to what they have to say as well.
Maybe they forget to do things sometimes and have apologized. Take this into consideration next time they forget. If they are trying and they still mess up occasionally, they might be too busy to remember everything that needs to be done.
Check out this video to develop your listening skills and strengthen your relationship with your partner:
17. Understand that you don’t have control over others
A big step when on the road to how to stop nagging is to understand that you can’t control what others do.
If you have tried many different tactics and your mate still doesn’t take you out on dates when you leave them hints or won’t buy you flowers randomly, this may just be how they are,about and they aren’t going to change these behaviors simply because you want them to.
18. Pick your battles
You may also want to consider picking your battles. This means that instead of picking a fight with your mate over every little thing they do that you don’t like, you may want to choose to only talk about the bigger issues.
Take some time to think about what is important in the big picture and discuss these things first before arguing over small things.
19. Evaluate what you are doing
When you find that you are nagging others, you should also think about all the things that you are doing. Are you doing more than your share of chores around the house?
Think about why you are doing them. Maybe it is because you love your family, or you think they won’t get done otherwise. Be honest with yourself about why you are getting frustrated and try to make changes.
20. Try to keep from burning yourself out
If you notice that you are doing too much, figure out some things that you don’t have to do every day or every week. You don’t want to burn yourself out since this can lead to more nagging or arguments.
Burnout can also lead to the development ofdiseases, in some instances, so do your best to prevent it whenever you can.
Nagging can be bad news for a relationship, especially if someone feels like they are being nagged and not appreciated. The tips in this list may be helpful to you if you are trying to learn how to stop nagging and are working on other ways to get your point across.
In some cases, you may need to change how you are thinking about the situation, and at other times, you may have to sit down and talk about the things that are expected of everyone in the relationship or the family. Figure out what works best for your purposes and your household, and keep at it.
There are ways to get the things you want without having to nag.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.