If you are a hopeless romantic, starting a relationship over may be one of the things you might want to do when things don’t work out the way you planned. However, it is not enough to say that you want to start over again. Knowing how to restart a relationship is a critical skill you must have.
This doesn’t mean that you walk up to the person you used to be with and ask them to return to your life. There’s a skill and tactics you must employ if you want to start over with someone you love. This article will equip you with 12 of those time-tested tips and strategies.
What does it mean to start over in a relationship?
What does starting over mean in a relationship?
Starting over in a relationship is one common term that people tend to use a lot. It evokes mixed feelings when people talk about it. On one hand, a group of people believes that the conversation of starting over is a no-no and should never come up.
Conversely, others think that when the situation is right, anyone can give it a shot.
While you may want to scrunch up your nose at the idea of reconnecting with an ex, it may surprise you to note that it isn’t exactly an alien idea. Research has shown that about 40-50% of people eventually reconnect with an ex and rekindle a broken relationship.
So, if you have been thinking about reaching out to an ex and rekindling the fire (and you are sure that it is the right step for you), you may want to give it a shot.
However, ensure 21 you apply the 12 strategies we would be discussing in this article before you get started on that mission. Well, unless you want your efforts to end up in futility.
Reasons you need to learn how to start over in a relationship
Learning how to start over in a relationship is vital on so many levels. For one, you permit yourself to feel the love you once felt for the partner you are no longer with. While this may sound strange, here are some other reasons why you need to master the art of starting over in relationships.
1. Sometimes, breaking up isn’t the best option for the relationship
This is the most apparent reason why exes seek to reconnect and rekindle the fires of their relationships even after they have been through a breakup.
When it finally dawns on you that pulling the plug on that relationship wasn’t your best idea yet, one of the next questions you may begin asking yourself is if starting over in a relationship is the way to go.
In the heat of an argument or betrayal from your lover, either of you may decide to call it quits. However, when you recall that humans make mistakes (especially when you compare their good parts as opposed to the mistakes they may have made in the relationship), you may want to let the past remain in the past and start over in a relationship.
This is the second reason why knowing how to start over in a relationship is vital.
4. The desire to start over again is a clear sign that you value the relationship
No one seeks to restart a relationship they loathed. If you woke up one morning and decided that you would try to reach out to your ex and work things out, it should mean that there’s a part of you that values their presence in your life and maybe even the relationship you had with them.
In this case, starting a relationship over is a skill you must master.
Why do you value the relationship?
As an extension of the last point we covered in the previous section of this article, the desire to start over is a clear sign that a part of you values your ex, their presence in your life, and the relationship you had with them.
However, taking time to articulate what you feel before you reestablish contact with an ex will help you get some perspective.
In all honesty, can you put pen to paper and identify precisely what it is about that ex that you value so much? Which part of the relationship is worth reestablishing contact with a past lover?
Is there something tangible about them that you can say is why you are ready to give the relationship a go again?
Carrying out this exercise is vital because, by the end of this short exercise, you would be able to tell for sure if you should reach out to an ex and see how you can mend fences or if your best course of action is starting over with someone new.
Before moving into the 12 tips, we will share in the next section of this article, ensure you have clearly articulated why you consider that relationship valuable enough to be rebooted. If you can’t be successful with this exercise, maybe starting over with an ex shouldn’t be your thing.
12 helpful tips on how to start over in a relationship
Can you start over in a relationship? The simple answer is ‘yes.’ However, you must figure out the best course of action if you want this to be successful. Here are 12 proven tips that can help you when your relationship starts over again.
1. Define why the relationship is important to you
We already talked about this. Sometimes, some exes may not make it relatively easy for you to rekindle your relationship with them.
This is not just yelling at each other to give yourselves a breather, it is about giving yourselves the headspace and body space to figure out exactly what you want and the next most sensible step to take concerning your relationship.
4. Get their attention using the things that matter the most to them
Everyone has their weak spot, and if you paid attention before you went on a relationship break, you should know the things that matter to the person you want to reconnect with. This involves speaking their primary love language.
If you know that they like to receive gifts, why not start with sending them thoughtful gifts in your name (that is, after a reasonable amount of time has passed and they aren’t still terribly hurting from the pain of the breakup).
It is difficult to have them ignore you if you touch the things that matter to them. They’re bound to come around after a while.
5. Master the art of compromise
If anything, your relationship hit the rocks because there were things you didn’t quite agree on. There may have been things they disliked that you did and vice versa.
When you want to start over, just make sure that you aren’t bringing them back to lead them down that rabbit hole again. Compromise is a vital part of every relationship that works, and you would have to train yourself to do it, even before reaching out to them to restart the relationship.
Why it is okay to compromise in love? Watch this video.
This may be hard for you because society expects that you should be as strong as a rock, regardless of what’s going on with you. We all know that this always isn’t the case. Before seeking to rekindle a dead relationship, see expert support. This could be from a therapist or psychologist.
They will help you sort through your emotions, figure out what went wrong the last time, and this information will help you prevent it from going wrong again.
7. Communication is key
As you seek to reconnect with an old lover, communication will play a major part in helping you achieve your goals (or fail at them). Sometimes, when starting a relationship over, you may have to come clean and talk to the person you are trying to win their love and attention back.
This might hurt your ego, but it ensures that all of you are on the same page about what’s happening. When you communicate, they know what you want and can meet you on that platform of understanding.
Then again, this will prevent you from wasting your time as you can know for sure if they are inclined in the same direction as you are.
There’s something about the power of your thoughts and your words. They have the power to shape how you perceive and interact with people.
When you are trying to figure out how to start over in a relationship, it helps to spend some time configuring your mind to see your former lover in a positive light. reconnecting with an old spouse This way, you are more likely to be nice to them when you reach out, and this also helps you let go of any former hurt you may have felt.
9. Enlist the help of their close friends and family
If they meant so much to you, you should know their close friends and family. Sit down and take inventory of all that you can remember. There are certainly a few of them that should like you enough not to be opposed to the idea of having your ex get back with you.
You can ask them to put in a good word for you or help speak to them.
11. Acknowledge that there would be changes and be prepared for them
When starting a relationship, it helps to know that there will be changes this time around to prepare for them.
Some of the common things to expect include a desire from your partner to be given some more space, they may try to exert their independence as the relationship starts again, and they may also make some demands from you.
Considering the value, you identified in step 1 of this process. You may want to take some time to prepare yourself for this phase mentally. Pushing them beyond their comfort limits will be counterproductive and would only cause them to recoil from you. You don’t want that now, do you?
There’s nothing as healing as taking time to visit qualified therapists as a couple who just got back together. The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists in conjunction with the Therapy Group of NYC report an overall success rate of 98% for couples therapy. According to them, this massively accounts for the declining divorce rate in America.
This implies that if done well, couples therapy can help you sort through your differences and provide a q, openness, and expert guidance from the professional.
Once you successfully get back together, couples therapy should be on your bucket list to to-do-immediately activities.
Starting a relationship over can be a daunting task. The uncertainty of what lies ahead can make you let go of your ambitions of being reunited with the one you love. However, after reading this article, that shouldn’t be a problem for you again.
Apply the 12 tips we have discussed in this article when you want to rekindle the flames of a relationship threatening to die down. You don’t have to lose a lover and valuable relationship simply because you do not know how to navigate getting them back.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.