Let’s face it: there are a lot of books written about marriage out there. Countless numbers of marriage books are published each year, and with the rise of self-publishing in recent years, even more people are putting their own words and thoughts about love, marriage and relationships out there for people to buy, read and hopefully benefit from.
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary D. Chapman is a book about the 5 love languages in a marriage. 5 Love Languages has distinguished itself in recent months by becoming the #1 Best-Seller in many big retailer’s Marriage Books sections—including Amazon.com, the number one seller of books about marriage.
But is the book worth the look? And just what are the 5 love languages in a marriage? Let’s take a closer look at Chapman’s book to determine how it may be able to help your marriage.
What are the 5 love languages in a marriage?
According to Chapman, “love languages” are how couples express their love—and how they can ultimately heal and nurture their own relationships. The 5 languages are as follows:
Words of Affirmation: Verbally affirming to your partner how much you love and care for them.
Acts of Service: Providing ‘service’ to your partner, such as offering to take the kids out for the day in order to let you get some well needed sleep.
Affection: Physical affection, such as hugs and intimacy.
Quality Time: Sharing time together during which you are mentally and physically present.
Gifts: Buying or making gifts for your partner to show appreciation.
In the book, Chapman explains that people often experience the 5 love languages very differently, which can ultimately result in conflict. Since some people respond better—or worse—to certain languages, which can result in miscommunication and other problems in the relationship.
For example: Someone who responds very strongly to Affection but not to Words of Affirmation may not feel loved or appreciated by a partner who prefers Words of Affirmation to giving Affection, even if that partner does love and appreciate the other party.
The book goes on to explain that many relationship problems can be solved by exploring the five languages and discovering what languages each partner responds best to—and working with that knowledge to improve the relationship.
What Is My Love Language? Take Quiz
Does the book really work?
The concept of the 5 love languages in a marriage isn’t for everyone—nor will it necessarily solve any potential problem in a marriage or relationship. However, understanding the different languages may help you understand certain difficulties in your relationship, particularly those that arise because of how you—and your partner—differ when it comes to feeling loved and appreciated.
The book is currently in print; it can be purchased from most major online retailers that offer new books, and it may be available at physical bookstores as well. It can also be purchased used and may even be available at your local library.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Mary Fisher