What Are The 5 Love Languages®? Everything You Need to Know

Let’s face it.

There are a lot of books written about marriage out there to help couples learn the different Love Languages ®.

Countless marriage books are published each year, and with the rise of self-publishing in recent years, even more people are putting their own words and thoughts about love, marriage, and relationships out there for people to buy, read, and hopefully benefit from. Learning the key 5 Love Languages ®, as invented by Dr. Gary Chapman can help you foster a happy relationship with your spouse.

The 5 Love Languages ® are the keys to relationship satisfaction

The much-celebrated book, The 5 Love Languages®, can help you learn your and your partner’s primary Love Language ® and build the foundation for a healthy relationship with your significant other.

The 5 Love Languages ®: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary D. Chapman is a book about the 5 Love Languages ® in marriage. 5 Love Languages ® has distinguished itself by becoming the #1 Best-Seller in many big retailer’s Marriage Books sections—including Amazon.com, the number one seller of books about marriage.

But is the book worth the look? And just what are the 5 Love Languages ® in a marriage? Let’s take a closer look at Chapman’s book to determine how it may be able to help your marriage.

Related Reading: What Is Love?

What are the 5 Love Languages ® in a marriage?

According to Chapman, “Love Languages ®” are how couples express their love—and how they can ultimately heal and nurture their own relationships. 

Love Languages ® are also how different people experience love in their relationships, both giving and receiving love in a committed relationship with their partner.

The 5 Love Languages ® outlines key insights into how couples speak and understand love in marriage or relationships. 

Just as people have different temperaments, preferences, and personalities, there are different ways people express and receive love. These are Love Languages ® for couples. They equip you to grow closer to your partner and build better intimacy.

Related Reading: Understanding Love and How It Grows in a Marriage

The 5 Love Languages ® types are as follows:

1. Words of Affirmation

Verbally affirming to your partner how much you love and care for them is the marriage Love Language ®.

One of the five Love Languages ® for married couples, words of affirmation include receiving and giving compliments to your spouse and appreciating them, graciously.

It is a healthy practice to offer words of affirmation to your partner every day.

Here are a few words of affirmation examples :

• I  feel blessed to have you as my soulmate
• You are very versatile/positive/energetic
• I can’t thank you enough for your patience/compassion
• Thanks for looking after my needs
• You have the prettiest/most expressive eyes
• Your smile fills me with hope and kick starts my day

2. Acts of Service

In the Love Languages ® list, providing ‘service’ to your partner, such as offering to take the kids out for the day in order to let you get some well-needed sleep, is one of the languages of love. 

Offer to help your partner when they have a lot on their plate, or give them respite from their busy schedule with kind gestures like making them breakfast or ordering in their favorite meal.

Demonstrate acts of service like booking a spa or massage for them, and they would be thanking you later for the relaxation bliss you provided them.

3. Affection

Physical affection, such as hugs, hand-holding, kissing, and other acts of intimacy.

Give them your undivided attention, let them know you are listening, and especially refrain from phubbing them at all costs. (snubbing your partner in favor of interaction with your mobile phone)

Related Reading: Signs of True Love in a Relationship

4. Quality Time

Sharing time together during which you are mentally and physically present.

By spending quality time with your partner, you will make them feel most loved. Your significant other will appreciate the effort and determination you place into planning that time together, where you are mentally present and affectionate.

If you are not able to clear your mind of distracting thoughts or are unable to keep it a tech-free time together, you won’t make any headway in a relationship.

5. Gifts

Buying or making gifts for your partner to show appreciation is another marriage language.

Finding gifts for your partner can be hard, but it all seems worth the effort when your partner is touched by your thoughtfulness. The feeling of seeing your partner smile is unrivaled, and these gift ideas can be helpful in restoring the passion in your relationship.

In the book, Chapman explains that people often experience the 5 Love Languages ® very differently, which can ultimately result in conflict since some people respond better—or worse—to certain languages, which can result in miscommunication and other problems in the relationship.

For example, someone who responds very strongly to Affection but not to Words of Affirmation may not feel loved or appreciated by a partner who prefers Words of Affirmation to giving Affection, even if that partner does love and appreciate the other party.

The book goes on to explain that many relationship problems can be solved by exploring the five languages and discovering what languages each partner responds best to—and working with that knowledge to improve the relationship.

Related Reading: How to Create Love in Your Life

5 Love Languages ® quiz for couples

You love your partner, and that’s exactly why you are reading this article, helping you understand ways to be on the same page as your partner and strengthen the relationship.

By taking this Love Language ® quiz,  you will be able to identify the conflict triggers, build intimacy and enhance love. This Love Language ® test for couples will help you discover the Five Love Languages ® for couples and identify where you miss the mark when it comes to connecting with your partner.

Take the quiz: What Is My Love Language?

Using positive affirmations or relationship affirmations can help in understanding Love Languages ® and help you appreciate your relationship, bury long-standing resentment, and experience relationship satisfaction.

Examples of love affirmations for couples

• I love my partner unconditionally
• I respect my spouse and don’t want to change a thing about them
• We enjoy our shared space and time spent together
• We communicate openly and honestly
• We fight fair
• My spouse and I respect our different personalities
• My spouse is my best friend

Related Reading: Beautiful Symbols of Love From Ancient Times

Does the Love Language ® book really work?

The concept of the Love Languages ® in a marriage isn’t for everyone, nor will it necessarily solve any potential problem in a marriage or relationship.

However, the 5 Love Languages ® explained may help you understand certain difficulties in your relationship, particularly those that arise because of how you—and your partner—differ when it comes to feeling loved and appreciated.

The most common Love Language ®

It is interesting to note how understanding your partner’s Love Language ® and communicating yours to them can solve so many relationship issues. Once you both understand how to give and receive, you both will feel loved, heard, appreciated, and acknowledged within the relationship.

According to research, the most popular Love Language ® is Quality Time. The research also points out how it remains the most googled Love Language ®. The next in line remains Words of Affirmations followed by Physical Touch and Receiving gifts, and the bottom one being Acts of Service.

Also, no matter the age group, Quality Time is highly appreciated amongst couples. While 48.37% of respondents between the ages 18-24 prefer Quality Time above other Love Languages ®, the percentage is 44.96 for couples above the age of 65.

Dating someone with a different Love Language ®

When it comes to Love Language ®, it is important that both the partners are on the same page. Each partner should identify the other partner’s Love Language ® for the emotional needs to be met.

In order to understand your and your partner’s Love Language ®, take this quiz to bond with your partner better.

If your partner is having a different Love Language ® and you are unaware of it, it is bound to create issues over time. Not being able to understand how your partner wishes to receive love will lead to emotional needs not being met and an unfulfilled relationship. The only way to work through the differences is to have open and honest communication. 

Also, if your partner is finding it difficult to be open towards your different Love Language ®, be patient and give them time. 

Criticisms of the Love Language ® theory

There has been criticism surrounding the Love Language ® theory. As it became popular and remained a bestseller for nearly a decade, it is believed that people have lost sight of the original wisdom of a relationship as they heavily depended on the Love Language ® theory.

Not just this, there have been several criticism on the following grounds:

• Love Language ® is not permanent, and for any individual, it can change over time.
• Love Language ® can become a means of scorekeeping.
• Love Language ® cannot be universally applied. For many, this might not solve the relationship problem.
• Love Language ® is not effective in fixing the underlying relationship issues.

Check out Gary Chapman discussing the 5 Love Languages ®:

How to use Love Languages ® in your relationship

While applying Love Language ® to the relationship, being able to express your emotional needs and how you want to be loved can be a game-changer in building a stronger bond as it will leave little room for any miscommunication or confusion.

Apart from this, while using the Love Language ®, it is essential to use healthy boundaries and avoid using Love Language ® as an attempt to dominate the relationship or control your partner. One important aspect of Love Languages ® is putting the effort in with proper consent.

In any situation, there should not be a demand to behave in a certain way in order to prove love for each other. If that happens, that can be a red flag for the relationship.

Takeaway

The 5 Love Languages ® for married couples are a way to express your love. Certainly, your partner knows you love them, but with the 5 Love Languages ®, you will be able to understand the way they wish to receive love and communicate it better.

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Mary Fisher

Mary Fisher is a writer experienced with helping couples understand marriage, love and relationships. She completed her studies in 2011 and is currently involved in writing... Read more articles on intimacy, relationships and family. Read less