Let’s face it: there are a lot of books written about marriage out there to help couples learn the love languages.
Countless numbers of marriage books are published each year, and with the rise of self-publishing in recent years, even more people are putting their own words and thoughts about love, marriage and relationships out there for people to buy, read and hopefully benefit from. Learning the key 5 love languages can help you foster a happy relationship with your spouse.
The 5 love languages are the keys for relationship satisfaction
The much celebrated book, The 5 Love Languages can help you learn your and your partner’s primary love language and build the foundation for a healthy relationship with your significant other.
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary D. Chapman is a book about the 5 love languages in a marriage. 5 Love Languages has distinguished itself in recent months by becoming the #1 Best-Seller in many big retailer’s Marriage Books sections—including Amazon.com, the number one seller of books about marriage.
But is the book worth the look? And just what are the 5 love languages in a marriage? Let’s take a closer look at Chapman’s book to determine how it may be able to help your marriage.
What are the 5 love languages in a marriage?
What are the 5 love languages?
According to Chapman, “love languages” are how couples express their love—and how they can ultimately heal and nurture their own relationships. According to Gary Chapman, love languages are also how different people experience love in their relationships, both giving and receiving love in a committed relationship with their partner.
The 5 Love Languages outlines key insights into how couples speak and understand love in marriage or relationships.
Just as people have different temperaments, preferences and personalities, there are different ways people express and receive love. These are love languages for couples, they equip you to grow closer to your partner and build better intimacy.
The 5 languages are as follows:
Words of Affirmation
Verbally affirming to your partner how much you love and care for them.
One of the five love languages for married couples, words of affirmation include receiving and giving compliments to your spouse, graciously.
It is a healthy practice to offer words of affirmation to your partner everyday.
Here are a few words of affirmation examples :
- I feel blessed to have you as my soulmate
- You are very versatile/positive/energetic
- I can’t thank you enough for your patience/compassion
- Thanks for looking after my needs
- You have the prettiest/most expressive eyes
- Your smile fills me with hope and kick starts my day
Acts of Service
Providing ‘service’ to your partner, such as offering to take the kids out for the day in order to let you get some well needed sleep. Offer to help your partner when they have a lot on their plate, or give them respite from their busy schedule with kind gestures like making them breakfast or ordering in their favorite meal.
Demonstrate acts of service like booking a spa or massage for them, and they would be thanking you later for the relaxation bliss you provided them.
Physical affection, such as hugs, hand-holding, kissing and other acts of intimacy.
Give them your undivided attention, let them know you are listening, and especially refrain from phubbing them at all costs. (snubbing your partner in favor of interaction with your mobile phone)
Sharing time together during which you are mentally and physically present.
By spending quality time with your partner, you will make them feel most loved. Your significant other will appreciate the effort and determination you place into planning that time together, where you are mentally present and affectionate.
If you are not able to clear your mind of distracting thoughts or are unable to keep it a tech-free time together, you won’t make any headway in relationship.
Buying or making gifts for your partner to show appreciation.
Finding gifts for your partner can be hard, but it all seems worth the effort when your partner is touched by your thoughtfulness. The feeling of seeing your partner smile is unrivaled, and these gift ideas can be helpful in restoring the passion in your relationship.
In the book, Chapman explains that people often experience the 5 love languages very differently, which can ultimately result in conflict. Since some people respond better—or worse—to certain languages, which can result in miscommunication and other problems in the relationship.
For example: Someone who responds very strongly to Affection but not to Words of Affirmation may not feel loved or appreciated by a partner who prefers Words of Affirmation to giving Affection, even if that partner does love and appreciate the other party.
The book goes on to explain that many relationship problems can be solved by exploring the five languages and discovering what languages each partner responds best to—and working with that knowledge to improve the relationship.
5 love languages quiz
What Is My Love Language? Take Quiz
You love your partner and that’s exactly why you are reading this article, to help you understand ways to be on the same page as your partner and strengthen the relationship.
By taking this quiz, you will be able to identify the conflict triggers, build intimacy and enhance love by discovering the five love languages for couples and identifying where you miss the mark when it comes to connecting with your partner.
Love affirmations for couples
Using positive affirmations for couples or relationship affirmations can help you appreciate your relationship, bury long standing resentment and experience relationship satisfaction.
Examples of love affirmations for couples
- I love my partner unconditionally
- I respect my spouse and don’t want to change a thing about them
- We enjoy our shared space and time spent together
- We communicate openly and honestly
- We fight fair
- My spouse and I respect our different personalities
- My spouse is my best friend
Does the book really work?
The concept of the 5 love languages in a marriage isn’t for everyone—nor will it necessarily solve any potential problem in a marriage or relationship.
However, understanding the different languages may help you understand certain difficulties in your relationship, particularly those that arise because of how you—and your partner—differ when it comes to feeling loved and appreciated.
The book is currently in print; it can be purchased from most major online retailers that offer new books, and it may be available at physical bookstores as well. It can also be purchased used and may even be available at your local library.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Mary Fisher