A lot of people are pessimistic towards couples therapy. The thought of it sparks anxiety to many and others refuse to believe that this process is productive. For them, only the couple is capable of solving their own issues and that any outside intervention, especially from a stranger, is something that wouldn’t work. This is simply not true. Majority of the people who went to couples therapy could attest to the good this process has done for their relationship. Mind you, these therapists have been formally educated and equipped with expert knowledge and skills to work with couples having problems concerning their relationships.
So how does couples therapy help you and your partner improve your relationship?
You will learn to see your problems clearly from a new and unbiased perspective
Couples that let their problems linger too long can sometimes forget what they were actually fighting about in the first place. In many cases, the only thing that fuels the argument is anger. With all the shouting or the silent treatment, it is difficult for couples to discuss in a healthy manner. Couples therapy will help you and your partner dissect your problems and identify which parts of your relationship needs improvement.
You will know how to handle conflicts in your relationships and resolve them
Couples who decide to go to therapy are often found with the willingness to fix their relationship. Problem is, they do not know where to begin. Your therapist will provide new ways for you to communicate and resolve conflicts through a step by step process. This varies per relationship since there is no standard therapeutic guideline on how to mend relationships. Your therapist’s job is to analyze the issue and advise accordingly. He or she will offer the best ways for you and your partner to settle your differences and make your relationship grow.
You will realize that trust, honesty and love can be rediscovered
Many couples find the temporary loss of passion as a loss of love. They say they don’t feel the same way towards their partners the way they did before. Your therapist will orient you the different phases of a relationship that most couples go through. You will be able to learn that your problems are still fixable. You can spark the flame inside of you with nostalgic activities and conversations. You will sweep away the anger and hate and know that beneath all the disagreements, you still love and want each other.
You will get a neutral perspective to the story
This goes generally for those couples who are in quarrels and disagreements. Sometimes, what you need is someone who is not directly involved in the situation to point out what is really going on. For those who want to work on their relationship, your therapist may be the neutral person who can hear both your sides and make you and your partner understand what and who needs to work on a specific behavior for the betterment of the relationship.
You can make the decision
Couples therapy can have bittersweet endings. While many couples have successfully worked things out, others will come to realize during the therapeutic process that going separate ways is best for both parties. It depends on the faults committed, compatibility, willingness to pursue the relationship, and each individual’s personal goals. Through couples therapy, you will learn and realize the proper steps you need to take if ever you want the relationship to end. Your therapists will give you professional advice as to how you can handle the separation well by putting your mental and emotional state as a priority. The goal is to have a clean and friendly break, that is, if you decided to put a stop to it.
Then again, your therapist is not the one who is solely responsible of fixing your relationship. This needed to be said because apparently, some people like to put the blame on others. I have come across couples complaining that couples therapy is a waste of money just because they did not get the results they expected. But it’s not always a fault on the therapist’s end. At the end of the day, the power to save the relationship lies on the couple and the couple itself.
Here a few reminders to those who are planning to schedule an appointment and decide to attend couples therapy sessions.
Motivation
For some, going to couples therapy is just justifying to their partner or to themselves that their relationship is not working anymore. For couples therapy to be effective, the couple should actively participate, talk and show interest and effort in dealing with their problems and improving their relationship Some do not take the therapy seriously but are just forced to by their partner, family, relatives or friends. It would be hard to be optimistic at the start of the therapy but there should always be willingness to talk and face your relationship issues. Progress highly depends on how motivated the two parties are in making the process productive.
Self-awareness
They say that deep beneath our mind and being, we know the answers to our problems. We just want someone to tell it to us since we cannot admit it to ourselves. If you and your partner decide to go to couples therapy, you should be both aware about the extent to how “savable” your relationship is. If you did not get the outcome you are expecting in therapy, you should be able to admit that it is not the therapist’s fault.
Sometimes, it could really be that you and your partner have no reason to stay together anymore. This might be true for abusive relationships or if one of you is suffering with a mental health issue and needs to recover alone. Self-awareness is also needed for those who want to work on their relationship. If you are attending your sessions, you should be truthful as to where you have been wrong in the relationship. Always remember, admitting that you have committed a mistake is the first step towards growth. If you refuse to recognize that there are somethings wrong with you or with your relationship, therapy will not lead to any kind of progress.
Cliché as it may sound but when two people truly love each other, they will put in the time and effort to work things out despite all the challenges they are faced with. Trying to save a relationship is difficult, but giving up means that you’re going to have to let go of the person you love without a fight, and that is something you could easily regret someday. To get your relationship back on track, what you need is a little help from an expert who can look into your problems objectively. Now is the right time to open yourselves to the idea of going into couples therapy.
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