Google it. In 38 of a second, Google returns over a half-million search results about how to save a marriage after a spouse has cheated, rebuilding trust after infidelity, or dealing with infidelity.
Over 80 percent are listicles:
13 Ways to Pull Him Back Into Your Bed
12 Ways to Hide the Body After He Cheated
27 Things You Should Know to Repair the Relationship
…and so on.
Internet users’ penchant for brief, easy-to-read, dumbed-down presentations has reduced the complexities of relationships to a listicle to be read while brushing teeth.
Life isn’t that simple. Divorce statistics after infidelity are indicative of some couples getting over infidelity, healing after an affair and rebuilding a successful marriage after infidelity.
However, this does not take away from the fact that coping with infidelity, recovering from an affair and saving marriage after infidelity is not possible for every couple that has suffered the blow of infidelity.
As they marked their 50th wedding anniversary with friends, Ruth Graham, wife of legendary evangelist Billy Graham was asked if she had ever felt like divorcing him.
Ms. Graham looked the questioner straight in the eye and said, “Murder yes. Divorce never.”
Woven in her humorous answer lies a profound truth. Marriage can be the most beautiful of relationships. It can also be the ugliest, dirt-stained of unions.
More often, it is a mixture of both.
Although Ms. Graham took her secrets to the grave, we can probably assume that marital infidelity wasn’t a part of their relationship.
With over half of marriages experiencing infidelity on the part of one — or both — parties at some time during the relationship, the Internet has sprung to life with updated accounts of Paul Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.” But don’t waste your time.
As much as we may like to believe that saving a marriage after infidelity is little more than a listicle, the truth is that it will take hard work — very hard — to get past infidelity.
Sometimes couples never make it past. Some marriages need a burial.
Remember some hard truths about saving your marriage after infidelity, though:
It isn’t easy
It will hurt
There will be anger and tears
It will take time to trust again
It will require the cheater to take responsibility
It will require the “victim” to take responsibility as well
It will take courage
How to save a marriage after infidelity and lies
Recovering from infidelity and building successful relationships after cheating is not uncommon. The crucial part is how to get over infidelity and how to rebuild a relationship after cheating.
Most marriage counselors have seen marriages that not only survived infidelity but became healthier. If both partners are willing to obtain and utilize the skills needed to make their marriage work, then the marriage can survive an affair.
During therapy for betrayal, infidelity, and affairs the expert professionals equip couples with the right tools and tips on how to rebuild trust after cheating.
Saving your marriage after infidelity will require formal third-party intervention.
Infidelity counseling helps you recover from unfaithfulness in relationships. It will greatly benefit couples to find an infidelity therapist who can make saving the marriage after infidelity a less painful journey for you.
The therapy is designed to work through your marriage issues
Help you deal with the backlash of cheating
Rebuild the lost connection with yourself or your partner
Create a timeline for recovering from infidelity
Follow a plan for how to move forward in the relationship
They mediate conflicting emotions, facilitate recovering from infidelity and help the couple make a smooth transition through the different infidelity recovery stages.
9 facts about cheating and cheaters
Men tend to cheat with women they know
Cheaters don’t usually pick strangers in bars. A lot of females believe that every cheating females is a tramp — not so. The relationships are usually friendships first.
Men cheat to save their marriage
Men love their wives, but they don’t know how to fix problems in the relationship; they go outside their marriage look for solutions.
Men hate themselves after affairs
Often people think that men who cheat are men without morals. While they make like what they did, they usually despise themselves when the affair is over.
Women cheat just as often as men
Men and women cheat at the equivalent rate; it’s just the reasons that differ. Women are more apt to cheat for emotional fulfillment. Becoming invested emotionally in another person indicates you have checked out of your marriage. If it’s just sex, it’s less about attachment, though.
A wife knows her husband is cheating
A lady usually knows when their husbands are stepping out; the just can’t bear to acknowledge it.
Affairs often fix a marriage
Infidelity doesn’t have to be the death of a couple. While a new relationship can be exciting, an affair can rekindle the marriage. However, think long before returning to a cheater. Flings often highlight how little self-control someone has.
The wife is not to blame
If your husband is unfaithful, it isn’t your fault — no matter what people say. The thought of being pushed into another woman’s arms is an expression and not reality. Men do not cheat because of who their wife is; they cheat because of who they aren’t.
Some marriages should be tossed in the trash
Can you really save a marriage after a mean cycle of infidelity? Some marriages should not be saved; they just aren’t meant to be salvaged. If the infidelity is a sign of domestic violence or emotional abuse, bury the relationship and move on.
It is challenging for the “victim” to know if they should give the cheater a second chance. The question, “how to save a relationship after cheating” follows much later for the betrayed spouse who is left feeling lonely, angry, confused and humiliated.
If the infidelity was a one-time thing, that is different than a serial cheater. If they have a pattern of continually cheating, then it could be time to toss in the towel. In such cases, saving your marriage after infidelity is a lost cause.
Once a determination is made that a marriage can be — and should be saved — the hard work starts toward saving a marriage after infidelity. It takes professional help to work through the anger, rage and other raw emotions that follow an affair.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.