Google it. In seconds, Google returns over a half-million search results about how to save a marriage after a spouse has cheated, rebuild trust after infidelity, or deal with infidelity.
Internet users’ penchant for brief, easy-to-read, dumbed-down presentations has reduced the complexities of relationships to a listicle to be read while brushing teeth.
While learning how to save a marriage after infidelity may look easy, it’s not that simple.
There will be many challenges along the way; if you and your partner can surpass that, there is hope.
What is marital infidelity?
Infidelity, unfaithfulness, or cheating, is the act of someone being unfaithful to their partner or spouse.
They often describe it as the ultimate betrayal from someone you love.
Most of us would think that infidelity is any sexual or romantic relationship, but there is more.
You can already cheat just by having an emotional connection or relationship other than your spouse. This also often leads to physical contact, lying, and ultimately, breaking your vow to your partner.
For those in this situation, saving a marriage after infidelity would be the last thing on your mind.
Cheating doesn’t just hurt; it crushes your entire world instantly. The pain of betrayal that you feel in your chest is indescribable.
Why is there a need to cheat?
Each case of cheating is unique. Even the temptation or opportunity will present itself differently for each person.
You could have been married for decades, yet there’s still a chance to cheat.
People who cheat often want to prove something. Some want to be accepted, feel more confident, and even fulfill carnal desires.
No matter what your reasons are, cheating is still cheating.
With all the pain and suffering that a person would feel after cheating, is saving a marriage after cheating even possible?
Discovering that your partner or spouse has cheated on you will not be easy. You would feel a mix of powerful emotions, and often, you’ll be inconsolable for days and even weeks.
How painful is it to know that your spouse had been lying to you all this time? Is there still hope that your marriage will be saved?
There is a greater chance that a couple would want to try again, though according to statistics, half would still end up with divorce.
Is it possible for a marriage to survive after infidelity?
Saving a marriage after infidelity is not that easy. You can’t just say that you are sorry and start mending the broken pieces of your relationship.
Life isn’t that simple.
Divorce statistics indicate some couples get over infidelity, heal after an affair and rebuild a successful marriage after infidelity.
However, this does not take away from the fact that coping with infidelity, recovering from an affair and saving marriage after infidelity is impossible for every couple.
Internet finding on how many marriages survive infidelity statistics suggests half of the American marriages survive the affair.
That means it is possible for a better marriage after infidelity, but you have to work for it.
No one could give a definite time when it would happen, and you would have to be hopeful that someday, you and your partner would get past the pain and finally move on.
Can a marriage survive infidelity?
Marriage can survive infidelity.
As much as we may like to believe that saving a marriage after infidelity is little more than a listicle, the truth is that it will take hard work — very hard — to get past infidelity.
Learning how to save a marriage after infidelity will be tough and take a long time, but if you ask if it would be worth it.
The answer is yes.
Remember some hard truths about saving your marriage after infidelity, though:
It won’t be easy
It will hurt – a lot
There will be anger and tears
It will take time to trust again.
It will require the cheater to take responsibility for their past actions
It will require the “victim” to take responsibility as well
It will take courage
15 tips to learn how to save a marriage after infidelity
A successful marriage after infidelity is possible, but it won’t be easy.
Ask yourself these questions:
“Do you still want to fix your marriage or relationship?”
“How much are you willing to give up and do just to learn how to save your marriage after infidelity?”
Once you have cleared your mind, be ready. The road ahead would be tough, but if you’re serious about rebuilding a marriage after infidelity, then read these 15 ways to save your marriage.
1. Have the decency to end the affair
You must end the affair if you want to save your marriage after infidelity.
There is no room for any more betrayal. Your partner deserves no more heartbreak from you.
If you’re unhappy, leave and complete the legal papers. Remember that an affair is an affair. There’s no room for that in your marriage.
2. Don’t do anything that you will regret
Discovering an affair can be heart-shattering. Of course, the initial reaction is to yell, say hurtful words, kick the other out, and throw all their things away.
It’s understandable to feel like this, but do nothing you will regret later.
Today, we see many posts about people showing cheating evidence on social media, where conversations, photos, and videos are posted.
It’s a way to show everyone what happened, what the cheater did, and to gain sympathy, but in the end, it will also affect you and your children.
3. Give each other space
“My spouse no longer wants to talk to me. I want to know how to save my marriage after cheating?”
Understand the situation and your spouse.
It’s better to leave or sleep in another room. Don’t try to ‘talk’ about it just yet. Your spouse just found out about the affair, emotions are high, and you might end up doing things you’ll regret later.
Both of you need time to process everything.
4. Don’t blame others; take accountability
“You were not there when I needed you!”
“She tempted me and I fell for her trap.”
The last thing you want to do is blame others, even your spouse, for cheating.
Cheating is never the spouse’s fault. It was a decision made by two grown adults who wanted to satisfy themselves.
Be accountable for your actions.
5. Get the help needed ASAP
Can a marriage be saved after infidelity? Where do you start?
If you want to save your relationship, renewed loyalty is the only key.
Now that your relationship is at risk because of cheating, the best thing to do is to ask for help.
Do it as soon as your partner is willing to talk. Ask if they would be open to reconciliation, therapy, and for you to prove yourself.
6. Be patient with your spouse
Learning how to save a marriage after infidelity is a long process. Don’t rush it.
Be patient with your partner. They may still feel confused, lost, hurt, and need time to process things.
Reconciliation won’t happen overnight, and if you are serious about changing, you’ll be patient and prove that you are worthy of another chance.
7. Open up, talk, and be honest
One way to learn how to save a marriage after an affair is to talk, be honest, and open up.
Did it happen because you were yearning for intimacy? What circumstances led to this affair?
This phase will hurt, but it’s now or never. If you want to start fresh, open up, spill everything, and work it out.
To learn more about how to talk openly and honestly, without any fear, watch this video:
8. Commit and work to earn your partner’s trust again
Restoring trust is your primary goal if you want to know how to save a marriage after infidelity. Unfortunately, this is something that won’t be easy to give back.
You will have to work hard to earn the trust that you have broken. If your partner is willing to give you another chance, then that’s a good sign.
9. Accept that it won’t be easy
Accept the fact that there will be times when the issue will resurface.
Also, it’s possible that your partner will not believe your words anymore and might even dig up the past with your slightest mistake.
You may feel tired trying to prove yourself, but you need to realize that this is an effect of what happened.
In cases like this, it’s better to ask for professional help. You and your partner may already need someone to guide your healing process.
10. Discuss how you can work on your relationship
Now that you’re working on your communication take this time to discuss how you can work on your relationship.
Encourage each other to say what you feel.
Do you want more time together? Do you want to feel appreciated? This is the time for both of you to talk, discuss, and commit.
11. Stop keeping secrets
No more secrets. It’s one promise you will have for each other.
The temptation will still be there. You will still fight, but make sure not to break any more promises or keep secrets from each other.
Your partner isn’t just your spouse; treat this person as your best friend and confidant.
12. Change for the better
Can marriage be saved after cheating? It can, but aside from working for your marriage, work on yourself.
Support each other but also work on yourself. Be a better person, not just for marriage but also for yourself.
13. Spend more time together
When you and your spouse encounter problems, work together to find a solution instead of fighting.
Be each other’s support. Your spouse is your friend, your partner, and not your enemy. Spend more time together; you’ll appreciate each other more.
14. Seek marriage counseling
We all know that returning to the same old partnership will not be easy. Sometimes, the trauma is so severe that it affects their daily lives.
It’s better to seek professional help if you don’t see any progress in your relationship. You can also consider this if you think you’re just going circles or want a professional to guide you through the process.
15. Work together for a better relationship
A successful marriage after infidelity is still possible only if you seek forgiveness and your partner is willing to forgive.
It’s a two-way process. The one who cheated will do everything to earn the trust back, while the victim of the infidelity should also be willing to forgive and work together.
You will need teamwork to save your relationship.
How can infidelity counseling help save your marriage?
Recovering from infidelity and building successful relationships after cheating is not uncommon. The crucial part is how to get over infidelity and how to rebuild a relationship after cheating.
Most marriage counselors have seen marriages that survived infidelity and became healthier. If both partners are willing to obtain and utilize the skills needed to make their marriage work, the marriage can survive an affair.
During therapy for betrayal, infidelity, and affairs, expert professionals equip couples with the right tools and tips on how to rebuild trust after cheating.
Saving your marriage after infidelity will require formal third-party intervention. Infidelity counseling helps you recover from unfaithfulness in relationships. It will greatly benefit couples to find an infidelity therapist who can make saving the marriage after infidelity a less painful journey for you.
The therapy is designed to work through your marriage issues
Help you deal with the backlash of cheating
Rebuild the lost connection with yourself or your partner
Create a timeline for recovering from infidelity
Follow a plan for how to move forward in the relationship
They mediate conflicting emotions, facilitate recovery from infidelity and help the couple make a smooth transition through the different infidelity recovery stages.
With the help of marriage counseling, moving on will be a lot easier.
Learning how to save a marriage after infidelity is not easy. After all, discovering that your spouse or partner cheated on you would be one of the painful emotions known to man.
With the help of marriage counseling, communication, repentance, and commitment, you and your partner can overcome these challenges.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.