Like attracts like, right? So people with commonalities like basic views on life, goals for career, background, maybe general interests make entering into a relationship much more effortless.
How could anyone not stick with someone resembling themselves? But, perhaps, it’s a tad boring, not a challenge, leaving you with little to explore together.
So, do opposites attract? Most people find they have an innate curiosity when meeting someone who demonstrates unique qualities from their own. It’s intriguing.
Maybe specific weaknesses for one person might be a strength in the potential partner. Their differences ultimately complement each other. Always choosing mates like ourselves is a great disservice to us.
It prevents the ability to face unique challenges, leave the comfort zone, and above all else, present other elements of our personality. Without the benefit of someone pulling out these traits, we might not consider doing so.
Some people wonder, do opposites attract, while others fully believe the opposites attract psychology. You’ll run into many sorts of people, some of whom you’ll have similar likes and dislikes, and others you’ll be opposites.
In many cases, the people with opposite personality traits become closer sooner and are ultimately happier in their relationship than those with commonalities.
Lots of reasons exist for why do opposites attract when sharing a partnership, one of which is the excitement of exploring the unknown. But, when you have too many similarities, what is there to learn?
There’s little adventure or challenge, leaving little room for fun. Some of the reasons you’ll find the opposites attract theory relevant include:
1. Unique Characteristics
Each person has individual traits making their personality unique; their outlook is their own, with backgrounds new and ready to share. The differences are what make that first conversation on the phone last for hours.
It’s exhilarating finding out the how’s and why’s of someone choosing a particular way of life so dissimilar from your own. Some factors you might have considered at one point or another but never pursued; other things could prove intimidating or a weakness that you’re attempting to improve.
In either situation, opposites that go together tend to complement each other. Where one is strong, the other is not so much, and vice versa. Generally, in these relationships, a friendship develops first, mutual respect, and then a relationship.
Personalities should vary in relationships. If you have unique interests, it adds a layer of excitement that you like, and they don’t share. You can introduce each other to different activities you otherwise might not have tried.
For instance, you like seeing the ballet or going to shows, but your new partner never experienced this type of culture. It’s a newfound passion. On the other hand, your new mate has a love for sailing or other water activities.
You’ve never been on the water, though; this becomes a joy for you. These are things neither of you even contemplated previously but now can’t imagine life without.
Each person will complement the other in an opposite attraction relationship. For example, one of you might be high-level energy, while the other is much more subdued.
There might be a more pleasant, talkative personality with someone else who chooses to stay on the sidelines with the house cat. What one person might lack, the other provides.
No one wonders do opposites attract; instead, they see how each fills in the other’s “gaps,” working cohesively together to enhance attributes and negate any potential flaws.
When seeing someone with profound commonalities, shared habits can tend to become unnerving over time. It’s almost like watching yourself act out same-old ritualistic day-to-day routines.
As far as if opposites repel with their unusual habits, it’s less frustrating to see someone functioning in their daily activities as a separate individual. It creates an attraction due to the little nuances adding to that person’s charm, ultimately helping you develop a sense of love for that person.
5. Physical Attraction
Often you’ll hear that partners are more attracted to someone opposite of themselves, relating to chemistry and physical attraction. A rebel and a gentle soul are positive examples of the question do opposites attract in relationships.
A passion develops as respect grows over things of which you might wish you were capable. Friendship begins to change into sparks based around the person’s charming individualism, and love grows as you’re introduced to a world that you might otherwise have avoided had you not met someone interested in showing it to you. Ultimately, the opposite attracted.
Will opposites ultimately clash
In any relationship, whether it be those with commonalities or opposites, there can be issues. But, unfortunately, problems develop in either scenario for the same reason – lack of communication.
Whether you can communicate better in a like/like situation vs. an opposites’ relationship will depend on the individuals. The important thing is that someone starts the conversation.
Is it true that opposites attract in a relationship and that these matches will last? Of course, those are subjective questions, so it depends on who you ask and at what stage they are in the partnership.
A brand-new couple will likely have only positive replies. However, two people together for an extended period will have history and can answer more authentically.
Of course, being different in every way might cause a few challenges. Say, perhaps one person wants children, and the other is firm against the prospect. So let’s go a few degrees less dramatic.
Maybe someone likes to travel while the other doesn’t leave their state, or one loves the nightlife while the other is a homebody. These can seem minor but, over time, will create a wedge. Start a conversation and do so early on. Otherwise, yourOpposite partnership won’t be a successful attraction.
How can you determine compatibility
People are asking do opposites attract, and many believe the combination of two different individuals adds a bit of spice to a partnership and brings newness to each life. Each person has the potential to learn, becoming more well-rounded from someone with unique habits, interests, and backgrounds of their own.
The priority in these relationships is ensuring you’re compatible. If not, you can face significant disagreements on large issues or even minor arguments regularly. No one wants to fuss over where to go for dinner, but even fewer people want to have the problems that come with significant life issues. Things to look for in a mate to determine compatibility include:
1. Is there a mutual investment in the partnership
A sign of incompatibility is if one person has a greater investment in the partnership than the other. For example, if you put in over 100% like scheduling nights out or planning vacations while, on the other hand, your mate can’t remember on which day date night falls, compatibility comes into question.
However, if you receive gifts for every occasion, even President’s Day, but you don’t see a reason to shop for your partner, then you are the one not invested.
When these things happen during the “honeymoon phase,” it’s a red flag early because it doesn’t get better. That’s supposed to be the period where everything is sunshine and roses.
These traits merely reflect insufficient respect. If neither of you is making the other a priority, the relationship is not adequate.
2. Values are at an imbalance
You are not compatible if your core set of values are sincerely mismatched with no chance of changing. For instance, if one feels strongly about the goals, marriage, even perhaps religious beliefs, these are pretty much dealbreakers for partners.
Suppose one of you wants a non-monogamous relationship, while the other is looking forward to marriage and children. In that case, your values are at an imbalance, and the connection is at an impasse.
There are choices if the two of you genuinely care for one another. Either the two of you have couples counseling to attempt to resolve these severe life circumstances, plus you involve yourselves in deep conversations to work through the struggles, or you decide to move on.
All couples bicker periodically. Still, if you find that you continuously argue over tiny things, that could signify that you’re not having the best time with each other’s differences.
While you might want to answer positively when people ask do opposites attract, sometimes the answer is no; these two are simply incompatible.
When you begin dating a person and immediately start bickering back and forth, initiate a conversation to see what the other person might believe the arguments mean.
You could potentially resolve the issues with communication or find out that you genuinely bother each other. That in itself is worth the discussion since you can avoid wasting any more of each other’s time.
To know the psychology of compatibility, watch this video:
How to make a relationship with an opposite work
A relationship is a relationship, whether it be with an opposite or a like/like. The only difference is the differences. In actuality, these can be a bonus as long as you have open, honest transparency from the very moment you meet. That can save many headaches, prevent wasted time, and stop arguments.
Since the dawn of time, people have had such challenges with communication in partnerships, and that’s not only where opposites are involved. Still, these are the ones where lack of communication is the most damaging.
When you don’t fess up from the start on issues that could perceivably affect the other person’s life, that’s unfair. But, unfortunately, in opposite situations, you will find that a regular occurrence simply because they’re not having the discussions right off the gate.
No one wants to find out after months of dating that you prefer to have sex with many people instead of remaining faithful with an individual who firmly believes in monogamy.
Or that you have no intention of holding a job, instead intending to travel as a nomad with a partner who has stringent career goals and is looking for a settled future. While life choices are a vital conversation, other things need discussing as well.
You need to give the other person the opportunity from the moment you meet to decide if the things that make you unique are something with which they want to contend, full disclosure.
The potential mate might not enjoy that you’re a social butterfly or prefer nights out to staying home for peaceful evenings. The person might not appreciate that you’re quiet and reserved if they’re talkative and free-spirited.
Be who you are and express those qualities immediately to either be a second date or move on to another mate.
Do opposites attract? Yes. Opposites have always been attracted if the celebrity has any authenticity or if high school has a say, or if we can trust our innate desires.
Many of us like the person most unlike ourselves. It’s exciting, enticing, and, yes, attractive. It brings out something in us that we, for some reason, keep hidden. We get to have new experiences we typically don’t allow ourselves, and this partnership strengthens our weaknesses or perhaps we theirs.
Attraction doesn’t equate to compatibility or longevity, however. Opposite unions have and will stand the test of time, but they have also been short-lived. It depends on your level of communication, something that is crucial in this type of partnership.
If you become emotionally invested before learning more about the other person’s life values, it could prove devastating for one or both of you. However, significant imbalances in choices don’t mean you can’t talk through the issues.
Perhaps, go to couple’s counseling and attempt to work out a compromise through deep discussion. But if you reach an impasse, you can’t prolong the inevitable, especially if there’s a problem like children or marriage.
Before you even reach that point, there’s the point where you meet and have that initial discussion that typically lasts for several hours, either in a coffee shop or on the phone. Be authentic. That conversation holds the key to whether your opposite attraction will be compatible.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.