10 Tips on How to Fix an Unhappy Marriage

The reason why many marriages become unhappy has a lot to do with tension, miscommunication, betrayal, disappointment, and many other painful things associated with love in relationships. 

Depending on the circumstances of your own love story, there are some steps that could be taken to fix your unhappy marriage.

There is a chance for you to reach the light at the end of what is likely going to be a very long tunnel. This will require some marriage re-education, bravery, and willingness to take the right steps.

However, rebuilding a marriage isn’t necessarily going to be a process of ongoing improvement, full of successful outcomes. Sometimes it might get a little bit worse before it gets any better. As everything meaningful in life, a marriage needs effort, time, and dedication, but you need to make sure that you are using those valuable resources in the right way.

Related Reading: 5 Steps on How to Fix an Unhappy Marriage

10 Tips on How to Fix An Unhappy Marriage

Do you often feel, “I am unhappy in my relationship but don’t want to break up?”

So, how to fix a marriage when one is unhappy?

To give you a clearer direction in terms of what you need to do to fix your unhappy marriage, we recommend these 10 steps on how to fix an unhappy marriage can guide you towards more fulfillment and happiness with your current partner:

1. Stop causing further damage to your marriage

How to repair my marriage?

The most immediate thing for how to fix an unhappy marriage and stop causing further damage is to avoid the most common marital mistakes made by couples. These mistakes include:

• Initiating needless conflicts/arguments/debates
• Victimising, begging and pleading (especially when it is done in public)
• Blaming and accusing your partner
• Turning to emotional blackmailing in order to control your partner
• Bad-mouthing your partner

Even though, at times, the appeal to engage in such behaviors can seem irresistible, it is crucial that we take a step back and refrain from causing further damage to our marriage by finding alternative ways to deal with hurt, tension, or frustration.

2. Eliminate the urge to “act out” on negative feelings

It might not be a pleasure to hear this, but realistically, ongoing negativity, especially when it shows up as anger, blame, or withdrawal, puts real strain on a marriage over time. This isn’t about placing blame on a partner who is struggling with depression, anxiety, or a hard season; mental health challenges deserve support and treatment, not judgment.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, what you can do is develop a capacity to deal with negativity in an effective and self-empowering way, whether that negativity is coming from you or from how you’re relating to your partner’s struggles.

Dr. Jennifer Schulz, PhD in Psychology, says

Life can be stressful, but taking the tension out on your partner never leads to happy outcomes. Finding adaptive ways to cope, such as by maintaining a calendar, taking time for exercise, or practicing deep breathing, can make a world of difference.

Relate Reading: How to Fix a Negative Relationship

3. Let go of the need to always be right

The need to always be right is usually used for only one thing- murdering your marriage. The fights and arguments that are initiated to make this “power game” possible are only generating losers, guilt, and resentment.

Even if you “win” an argument, the satisfying feeling of moral victory is usually very short-lived. In a matter of seconds, your glory can turn into guilt and regret, and that’s why being happy is more important than being “right.”

Dr. Schulz states,

The end goal of conflict is to arrive at a mutual understanding, not to win an argument.

Also Try: Do We Fight Too Much Quiz

4. Acknowledge the current challenges and possibilities

One way to do this is to become honest with yourself and others and do an inventory of your marriage that includes answers to questions like these ones:

• How unhappy do you feel in your marriage?
• In what way is the unhappiness of your marriage influencing your children (if there are any)?
• What is the price you are paying for being unhappily married? How is your career doing? What about your friendships?
• How is marital unhappiness influencing your sense of self-worth?
• How is the quality of your sex life? What is the level of emotional and sexual intimacy in your marriage?
• In what way is your unhappy marriage impacting your overall health and well-being?

You can do this exercise on your own and use it as a reflective practice, or you can share it with someone you trust and have confidence in (could be your partner too if you feel that this is the correct thing to do).

5. Turn your marital struggles into personal growth opportunities

At this point, your unhappy marriage might seem like a total nightmare, and it might be difficult to recognize the positive sides of your circumstances. The fact that you don’t see the positive sides doesn’t mean that there aren’t any, so having a look from another perspective can help you recognize the great learning potential that is available in an unhappy marriage.

As marriages present our opportunity to mend our core childhood wounds, if you manage to fix your current marital situation, you will, at the same time, heal your very own soul. Usually, the partners we choose have the ability to trigger the painful patterns that keep us stuck and unhappy in life.

If we learn to rise above our childhood conditioning and reinvent ourselves through awareness and healthy habits, we will have the ability to experience fuller and richer life, including a happier marriage.

Related Reading: 4 Steps to Fix Marriage Problems Before It’s Too Late

6. Build healthy communication skills

Healthy communication in marriage is one of the important pillars of marriage. In a good and healthy marriage, couples are able to talk freely, openly, and honestly with each other.  Not only do they express their feelings without any inhibitions, but they also listen to each other’s concerns empathetically. 

Healthy communication leads the way to address each other’s concerns. In any relationship, it is normal to be off-track at times, and the emotions can spill all over the place. However, the right communication skill is one of the most important tools of how to fix an unhappy marriage.

7. Make your marriage a priority

Many couples could be unhappy in marriage and wonder what to do about it. One of the ways of how to mend a marriage is to keep loving each other and continue showing acts of love. 

Making your marriage a priority means ensuring that you and your partner are connected on an everyday basis. This also means spending alone time together, appreciating your spouse, and avoiding over-committing to each other.

It is natural for couples to drift apart after long periods of marriage, but some changes in the relationship are sure to fix a failed relationship.

Related Reading: 10 Ways to Show Your Love to Your Partner

8. Practice forgiveness 

A relationship can face several wounds, and if partners don’t forgive each other from time to time, there will be a lack of trust and empathy in the relationship. Moreover, forgiveness also brings freedom to the relationship.

Forgiveness also means that the partners love and accept each other in full spirit. Also, carrying a weight of resentment and unforgiveness puts a lot of pressure on the relationship. 

Research also suggests that not letting go of resentment and not practicing forgiveness has physical effects.

Check out this video below where Eileen Fein teaches how meditation can help couples practice forgiveness.

9. Create boundaries

Unhappily married couples may not be creating enough space between them. As much as it’s important to spend time together, boundaries in the relationship are also a way to fix an unhappy marriage.

Unhappiness in marriage often creeps in when boundaries are absent. Boundaries are the lines couples set to protect their own needs and prevent one partner from consistently overriding the other’s, and they matter because they give both spouses a clear, respectful way to work through conflict.

Some necessary boundaries in a marriage include respecting each other’s need for independence, managing your own reactions rather than lashing out, and setting limits around envy or rudeness. Saying “no” is an important part of keeping those boundaries meaningful and the relationship healthy.

Related Reading: 15 Signs You Need Space in Your Relationship

10. Get help

Couples therapy is often taken as one of the last resorts or steps to repair a marriage, and spouses only approach therapists when they feel miserable in a marriage. 

However, as a solution to how to fix an unhappy marriage, couples counseling can be a part of the process along with taking other steps to build the marriage. 

Therapists give more focused ways to fix a marriage based on the specific problem of the couple. They can also guide you with the right tools to fix a marriage when one is unhappy.

Related Reading: Couples Counseling and Why It’s so Important

If Physical Abuse Is Part of Your Marriage, These Steps Don’t Apply

Everything above assumes a marriage that’s unhappy due to ordinary struggles, communication problems, drifting apart, unresolved resentment, not a marriage where physical abuse is present. If that’s part of what you’re experiencing, this is a different situation entirely, and it deserves a different, more urgent response than working through the 10 steps above.

Physical abuse isn’t a boundary issue to negotiate or a communication pattern to fix together. Your safety comes first, and that may mean reaching out to a domestic violence hotline or a professional who specializes in abusive relationships, rather than trying to repair the marriage using general relationship advice. Find a Therapist can help you find someone equipped for that, or a domestic violence hotline can help you think through immediate safety.

Takeaway

An unhappy marriage needs attention, love, and care. It needs to be tended just as a plant needs to be nurtured.

Building a healthy marriage takes a lot of work, and when for one or another reason, the relationship moves towards doom, couples need to work extremely hard to save a failing marriage, and the aforementioned steps are sure to help you build a beautiful love life together.

Continue exploring this topic

Talk to our Marriage.com AI Relationship Coach

Chat with me, ask questions and get help

Start Chatting

Marriage.com AI: Your Relationship Guide

Talk through what's on your mind.

Automated

Hi, I'm your relationship guide. What's on your mind?

YOU COULD START WITH

How can I fix my unhappy marriage?

What causes unhappiness in marriages?

AI guidance only - not therapy. In crisis? Call a helpline or Find a Therapist

Terms

Marriage.com Editorial Team Relationship & Marriage Advice

The Marriage.com Editorial Team is a group of experienced relationship writers, experts, and mental health professionals. We provide practical and research-backed advice on relationships. Our content is thoroughly reviewed by experts... Read more to ensure that we offer high-quality and reliable relationship advice. Read less

Marriage.com Assessment

What Help Does Your Relationship Need Most Right Now Quiz

Reviewed byJennifer Schulz, LCSW

Backed by relationship science and evidence-based psychology, this assessment helps identify the area of your relationship that deserves the most attention right now, whether things feel strong or slightly off. Research shows that even healthy relat...

Questions: 20 | Last updated: Jan 23, 2026

Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

Take the Quiz Now