The reason why many marriages become unhappy has a lot to do with tension, miscommunication, betrayal, disappointment, and many other painful things associated withlove in relationships.
Depending on the circumstances of your own love story, there are some steps that could be taken to fix your unhappy marriage.
There is a chance for you to reach the light at the end of what is likely going to be a very long tunnel. This will require some marriage re-education, bravery, and willingness to take the right steps.
However, rebuilding a marriage isn’t necessarily going to be a process of ongoing improvement, full of successful outcomes. Sometimes it might get a little bit worse before it gets any better. As everything meaningful in life, a marriage needs effort, time, and dedication, but you need to make sure that you are using those valuable resources in the right way.
To give you a clearer direction in terms of what you need to do to fix your unhappy marriage, we recommend these 10 steps on how to fix an unhappy marriage can guide you towards more fulfillment and happiness with your current partner:
Even though, at times, the appeal to engage in such behaviors can seem irresistible, it is crucial that we take a step back and refrain from causing further damage to our marriage by finding alternative ways to deal with hurt, tension, or frustration.
2. Eliminate the urge to “act out” on negative feelings
As previously mentioned, negative feelings are related to tension, miscommunication, betrayal, and disappointment can be a great source of unhappiness and a sense of failure in many marriages.
It might not be a pleasure to hear this, but realistically, no one wants to be married to aperson who is always depressed, angry, struggling, insecure, or clingy. That’s just how things are, and no one is to be blamed for that fact of life. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, what you can do is develop a capacity to deal with negativity in an effective and self-empowering way.
Instead of “acting out,” you can learn to “act within.” Besides being the best thing that happened to your marriage, this ability will support you in becoming extremely resilient in life, in general.
The need to always be right is usually used for only one thing- murdering your marriage. The fights and arguments that are initiated to make this “power game” possible are only generating losers, guilt, and resentment.
Evenif you “win” an argument, the satisfying feeling of moral victory is usually very short-lived. In a matter of seconds, your glory can turn into guilt and regret, and that’s why being happy is more important than being “right.”
4. Acknowledge the current challenges and possibilities
One way to do this is to become honest with yourself and others and do an inventory of your marriage that includes answers to questions like these ones:
How unhappy do you feel in your marriage?
In what way is the unhappiness of your marriage influencing your children (if there are any)?
What is the price you are paying for being unhappily married? How is your career doing? What about your friendships?
How is marital unhappiness influencing your sense of self-worth?
How is the quality of yoursex life? What is the level of emotional and sexualintimacy in your marriage?
In what way is your unhappy marriage impacting your overall health and well-being?
You can do this exercise on your own and use it as a reflective practice, or you can share it with someone you trust and have confidence in (could be your partner too if you feel that this is the correct thing to do).
5. Turn your marital struggles into personal growth opportunities
At this point, your unhappy marriage might seem like a total nightmare, and it might be difficult to recognize the positive sides of your circumstances. The fact that you don’t see the positive sides doesn’t mean that there aren’t any, so having a look from another perspective can help you recognize the great learning potential that is available in an unhappy marriage.
As marriages present our opportunity to mend our core childhood wounds, if you manage to fix your current marital situation, you will, at the same time, heal your very own soul. Usually, the partners we choose have the ability to trigger the painful patterns that keep us stuck and unhappy in life.
If we learn to rise above our childhood conditioning and reinvent ourselves through awareness and healthy habits, we will have the ability to experience fuller and richer life, including a happier marriage.
Healthy communication in marriage is one of the important pillars of marriage. In a good and healthy marriage, couples are able to talk freely, openly, and honestly with each other. Not only do they express their feelings without any inhibitions, but they also listen to each other’s concerns empathetically.
Healthy communication leads the way to address each other’s concerns. In any relationship, it is normal to be off-track at times, and the emotions can spill all over the place. However, the right communication skill is one of the most important tools of how to fix an unhappy marriage.
7. Make your marriage a priority
Many couples could be unhappy in marriage and wonder what to do about it. One of the ways of how to mend a marriage is to keep loving each other and continue showing acts of love.
Making your marriage a priority means ensuring that you and your partner are connected on an everyday basis. This also means spending alone time together, appreciating your spouse, and avoiding over-committing to each other.
It is natural for couples to drift apart after long periods of marriage, but some changes in the relationship are sure to fix a failed relationship.
A relationship can face several wounds, and if partners don’t forgive each other from time to time, there will be a lack of trust and empathy in the relationship. Moreover, forgiveness also brings freedom to the relationship.
Forgiveness also means that the partners love and accept each other in full spirit. Also, carrying a weight of resentment and unforgiveness puts a lot of pressure on the relationship.
Check out this video below where Eileen Fein teaches how meditation can help couples practice forgiveness.
9. Create boundaries
Unhappily married couples could possibly not be creating space between them. As much as it is important to spend time together, boundaries in the relationship are also a way of how to fix an unhappy marriage.
Unhappiness in marriage often creeps in when boundaries are absent. Boundaries are basically a line that couples create to avoid exploitation and manipulation in marriage, and they are necessary because they make both the spouses take the responsibility and a step to resolve conflicts.
Some of the necessary boundaries in marriage are giving each other freedom, having self-control, avoiding physical abuse, envy, rudeness. Saying ‘No’ is an important aspect of keeping the set boundaries thriving and the relationship healthy.
An unhappy marriage needs attention, love, and care. It needs to be tended just as a plant needs to be nurtured.
Building a healthy marriage takes a lot of work, and when for one or another reason, the relationship moves towards doom, couples need to work extremely hard to save a failing marriage, and the aforementioned steps are sure to help you build a beautiful love life together.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.