What could an affair between two married people lead to?
The answer to this question has been explored time and again in books, TV shows, and movies. However, things are different when they don’t occur in the realm of fiction.
Having an affair can be life-altering and can force you to choose between your spouse and lover. This article will explore the consequences of affairs when both parties are married and will shed more light on marriage affairs.
The definition of an affair
Before we go over the consequences of affairs between married man and married woman, it is first essential to define the meaning of the word “affair”.
Most commonly, an affair is usually a romantic relationship with someone other than your partner.
Affairs usually occur when one person cannot fulfill their needs fulfilled from their primary relationship and seek someone else to meet those needs.
Before we go into being married and having an affair, we need to first talk about why affairs happen in the first place and why people seek comfort and partnership outside of their marriage.
These reasons can also be used to classify these affairs into different types. Here are the most common reasons why affairs happen.
Casual affairs are usually driven by lust, and neither of the two parties is serious about each other. Sexual exploration and thrill are generally at the center of casual affairs. Lust and exploring oneself sexually can become one of the reasons why people have affairs.
Love, or romance can often be at the root of affairs, even when they occur between two married people. Romantic affairs are more serious as the parties are usually involved romantically and care deeply for one another. Unrequited feelings may also come under this classification.
3. Emotional connection
When it comes to emotional affairs, sex is not usually at the heart of these affairs. The emotional connection between the two people is. These affairs are intense as both the people share an emotional bond and love each other deeply.
Platonic relationships, too, come under emotional affairs when they are hidden from your partner. An emotional connection between two married people can be the reason for an affair.
This video can help you figure out why people have affairs:
In most cases, affairs happen when there are cracks in the foundation of your marriage. Some people resort to having affairs while married, when their needs aren’t being met in their primary relationship or marriage.
People have affairs for different reasons.
A recent study found that women had an affair when they felt that emotional intimacy and communication lacked their primary relationship. Other reasons include tiredness, abuse, bad history with sex, and a lack of sexual interest in their partner.
Are you two married people having an affair? How does it begin?
When both parties are married, affairs usually start when both parties are unsatisfied with their marriage and develop an emotional bond. It’s important to remember that each affair is unique.
Let’s take a look at a few examples of couples having affairs.
Samantha and David worked for a reputable consultancy firm and met when they worked for the same client. Late meetings and deadlines brought them close together, and they became friends and started opening up to each other about the cracks in their respective marriages.
The more time they spent together, the closer they got to each other. They both felt like they could talk to each other about anything.
Both Samantha and David had needs that remained unfulfilled in their respective marriages, which is how they started to get emotionally connected.
Clarissa and Mark met on a dating site. Both of them were married and were looking for some thrill in life. Clarissa’s husband would travel a lot for business, and she felt lonely.
Mark wasn’t on the best terms with his wife–whenever they’d talk, they would end up in an argument. Both Mark and Clarissa thought their arrangement was perfect as they could have their fun on the side and go back home to their respective marriages.
For Clarissa and Mark, the spirit of adventure was what brought them together.
For Janice and Matthew, things started somewhat differently. They both had been best of friends since school and married their college sweethearts and were happy.
Until both of their marriages began to crumble, and they found support and companionship in each other. Suddenly, they became more than just friends after being in each other’s lives for over a decade.
In Matthew and Jane’s case, friendship and a close intimate connection brought them together.
The truth is, affairs start for different reasons. No two affairs are alike.
If you’re married but want an affair, there may be cracks that exist in the foundation of your marriage that need to be addressed.
Affairs are usually tricky to keep a secret, as the spouses usually do end up finding out about them or at least have a clue as to what’s going on.
1. Marital commitment
Affairs usually don’t last long as the truth about them almost always comes to light.
Most affairs when both parties are married end with an ultimatum from the spouse–it’s either them or me. In 75% of the cases, people end up going back to their own marriages and spouses because of the children, shared financial assets, history, etc.
Usually, one partner’s superego or moral conscience cannot let the affair go on as it is wrong.
They often start to feel guilty about cheating on their partner and end the affair there and then–before they are found out even if they were falling in love with an affair partner.
3. Divorce and Remarriage
A small number of affairs end in both the parties divorcing their spouses and marrying each other.
The emotional connection between the two parties is usually a factor that keeps them both together. This is common in the event of both spouses cheating.
What percent of marriages survive affairs?
Many people go back to their spouses after having an affair–even when the secret of their infidelity has been uncovered.
According to a recent study, 60-75% of marriages are able to survive marriage affairs.
People who have been unfaithful to their partner often feel that they owe it to their spouse to make things work and try hard to work on their marriage. In some cases, it is the guilt that acts as the glue that keeps the marriage together.
Of course, the marriage has to undergo many additional issues, such as lack of trust, resentment, anger, feelings of betrayal, etc.
Time (and therapy) heals all wounds.
It may take years for your family to recover from the internal wounds that are left by affairs. Not only do affairs affect the spouse, but they also affect your relationship with the children.
When both parties are married, affairs can be very complicated–especially when one of the betrayed spouses catches on. The consequences of such affairs can be emotionally draining, and you end up hurting multiple people.
Couples counseling can help you breathe new life into your marriage, while individual counseling can help you understand your patterns so that you can overcome them.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.