Although most couples wish for thehoneymoon phase to last forever, the experienced ones know that the later stages of a relationship can be just as exciting and even more. But, you need to know how to explore your sexuality, and how to talk about sex with your partner, no holds barred.
In This Article
Exploring your sexuality takes time and inner strength, while also being vulnerable at the same time. Allow yourself to experiment, and stumble upon exciting and confusing findings.
But first, for those looking up for “exploring sexuality meaning”, here’s a shot at it.
The thing is, later in marriage, we become more familiar with our partner’s imperfections – and we fall in love with them, too. In short, we start loving each other for who we really are, and this is when the true adventure begins.
The importance of exploring your sexuality within marriage is not only about exploring sex, but first and foremost, it is about strengthening intimacy, developing trust, sexual communication and learning how to love ourselves.
Understanding your own desire
Our ownneeds and desires, and exploring your own sexuality are something that we might not be entirely aware of.
Discovering this is the first step in the process of exploring your sexuality.
The simpler part of this process is thinking about certain interests and desires that you may have, like role play, for example. For this part, you can write down all the things that you know you already like, things that you would like to try, and things that you are not interested in trying at all.
The more complicated part is understanding these desires.
As you get on the journey of exploring your sexuality, you will become more aware of your emotional states, motivations, and emotions.
It is another aspect of building a good relationship with not just your partner but yourself, too. So, the question is not only what you want to do, but also how you want to feel. This question can refer to either a specific situation or your sex life in general.
Moreover, while exploring your sexuality, keep in mind that this is not something you are supposed to understand the first time you think about it.
On the contrary, it is often a slightly scary yet exciting process. So be open, kind, and patient with yourself.
Understanding your partner
Nobody can talk about their sexual needs or engage in sex talk without exposing their vulnerabilities, sodiscussing sex with your partner is not going to be easy.
A good place to start when beginning to exploring your sexuality is telling your partner that you would like to talk about improving your sex life, and changes in marriage, so that they also have time to think and reflect about it.
The conversation about sexual exploration in marriage needs to happen in a neutral setting.
So, not after you’ve had sex, and preferably not even in the bedroom. Make sure that you are both feeling relaxed and comfortable.
The first part of the conversation should be about intimacy and being able to feel completely safe, honest, and free in front of each other. It is important to acknowledge if there is anything stopping you from fully enjoying yourselves. It could be work-related stress, kids, some health issue, or anything really.
In this conversation, you’re not supposed to solve those problems right away – you’re just supposed to state them. You may feel a bit uneasy, or even anxious, so it’s important to listen and avoid judging. Feeling comfortable talking about one’s own sexual needs sometimes takes practice, but it’s the basis of a fulfilling sex life.
Once you both feel comfortable talking about intimacy, you can start discussing and exploring your sexuality around specific things you are interested in. You can ask your partner to make a list of things they would like to try, and a list of things that they would rather avoid.
Once you make the lists, see what they have in common. You can do this in any way you are comfortable with, whether separately or taking turns reading the lists. If there are things that you’d both like to try, take the time to do some planning before deep-diving into exploring your sexuality.
For instance, if there are toys or lingerie involved, you can have a cup of coffee, casually browse an adult shop together, and have fun just looking at things. Talk about it, feel free to make jokes about things, and remember that this is about your relationship and making it stronger through fun and pleasure.
Whatever you decide to do, start small, and always check up on each other after. While for many people, these types of conversations may feel uncomfortable at first, with time, they will become a healthy habit.Talk about how things went after each exploration, and let your partner know whether you would like to do anything differently next time.
Make sure not to criticize, blame, or judge your partner, as it might make them withdraw from the whole idea.
Also, don’t worry about being perfect, and don’t take things too seriously. If you have good communication, establish clear boundaries, and adopt an open-minded, loving attitude, your sex life will become one less thing to worry about.
Last but not least, remember that sexual compatibility is not about having similar things on the list (even though it helps). It is primarily about partnering behavior in relationships and how you approach each of those things and how you make your spouse feel in the process of exploring your sexuality. So, have fun, and enjoy life with the person you love!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Lilly Miller is a Sydney-based graphic designer and a passionate writer. Loves everything about home decor, art history, family picnics, and baking. Shares home with two loving dogs and a gecko named Rodney. You can find her hanging out on Twitter. “Poetry creates the myth, the prose writer draws his own portrait."- Jean-Paul Sartre