When we choose to marry the person we love, it’s like no one could ever break us apart. If someone asks you, you may even laugh it off and say that it would be impossible to hurt your spouse.
When marrying, we believe in this ideal scenario but often have no idea that the stamp on the passport is just the first brick we lay in the foundation of this outpost.
Can you imagine being the one who would hurt your spouse through cheating? Do you think it’s even possible getting over the guilt of cheating?
Before your marriage becomes ideally fortified, we should pass by a long and thorny way and face numerous challenges, including cheating.
Those who have happened to experience cheating in marriage know that the outside attacks are not so threatening for couples as their inner enemies.
15 ways to get over guilt caused by cheating in marriage
It is easy to cope with life’s surprises when pulling the same end of the rope, but it is much more complicated to fight weaknesses that can destroy the strongest outpost in a minute as if it is the card castle.
For everybody who considers that cheating in marriage is not the subject for dealing with but the end of the family, we can say: guilt or insult is not good for family advisers.
It is not easy to cope with these feelings of guilt after betrayal and still stay together but believe us, it is possible.
Getting over the guilt of cheating is as hard, but as they say, every action has consequences, and we must work hard for redemption.
So if you find yourself asking, how do I stop feeling guilty for cheating in marriage? Or looking for ways to overcome guilt after cheating in marriage. We will tell you how to do this.
1. End the extramarital affair
“Will telling my partner that I cheated help me overcome my guilt?”
If you have an affair, end it. You can’t possibly feel guilty and continue cheating, right?
Feeling guilty is a good thing. It means you know the weight of your decision and how it will affect yourself, your spouse, and your family.
Unfortunately, some people who cheat want to let their partners know of the act to make them feel better. It’s a way for them to lessen the burden of guilt, but is this the right decision?
However, this information will also devastate your spouse.
Accept that you made a mistake. Please don’t blame your spouse or the person you had an affair it. You made that decision, and you have to be accountable for it.
3. Allow your brain to speak
Self-chastising (for betrayers) or self-pity (for those who were betrayed) is the easiest instinct. Most couples prefer to dive into their feelings as deeply as possible instead of starting a dialogue.
Be sure: dialogue is urgently needed; it could shed light on your spouse’s true stand on the issue while emotions misguide you.
So, when your guilt cries, “I’m a scoundrel, and she/he never forgives me,” your brain would not allow you to decide for the other person but, most likely, whisper, “Just ask forgiveness. There is always a chance”.
The emotions of a betrayed person could claim “I do not want to hear anything!” even when their brain argues to hear what their partner has to say in defense.
Sure, you both need the time for suffering. You become accustomed to the thought about the fact of cheating in marriage. Still, you do not adopt emotional decisions, listen to the whispers of your brain, and try to give it a chance to each other and help overcome the guilt of infidelity.
4. Talk to someone you trust
Thinking about what you have done and feeling guilty about cheating could worsen. Dealing with cheating guilt is a secret that can haunt you.
Of course, you can’t talk about your guilt and ask for advice on getting over the guilt of cheating on your partner.
Though you can talk about this with your best friend, parents, or someone you trust, talk to someone who wouldn’t judge you and would not be biased.
Sometimes, it helps to have people around you who you can talk to about how to cope with cheating and the guilt that you’re feeling.
5. Identify the reason: Accusing vs. understanding
We have just imagined the expression of indignation on the face of a cheated person. “Is there any reason why I should look for them?!!”
Do not hurry to take responsibility for yourself. Remember, when something goes wrong in the family, there cannot be just one guilty person; both spouses are the reasons. Consider this rule and try to analyze it.
Ask yourself, “What have I missed? What was my partner trying to find in the relationship with another person?” The moment of honesty is crucial.
Everybody can accuse, but only a few can understand.
Indeed, avoid presenting your considerations before you hear the reasons for a betrayer. Firstly, they could have nothing to say and use your idea to manipulate.
Second, your spouse’s reasoning could differ from yours but they would not present it being afraid of hurting you again. So, you will never know the true reason and thus would not be able to fix it.
If you are a betrayer, self-honesty and sincere confession is the only way for you to cope with guilt and get forgiveness.
6. Avoid involving others: Say “no” to arbitrage
We know when people suffer, they need to express their pain and look for support. It is a natural way to cope with feelings, but we ask you to think well before you choose the confidant.
Consider that the more people are informed, the bigger fussiness will be raised around the issue. Consequently, you would be unable to pick the wheat from the chaff and risk becoming the hostage of a third person’s thoughts and feelings.
We do not recommend sharing with your parents: you will forgive your party but they never do this. Their insults will not allow you to forget this story and can be a problem poisoning your future life.
It is better to choose an unbiased person who is far from participating in your family life. Maybe a priest, if you are a believer, or a friend living far from your place.
7. Initiate a good communication practice
At first, when your secret is out, it would be understandable if your partner wouldn’t want to talk to you.
The time will come when the both of you can finally talk. By this time, the guilt after infidelity is still inside you.
Before asking for a second chance, it’s best to talk about it first. Getting over the guilt of cheating begins when you come clean.
“I’m feeling guilty after cheating on my husband. How do you forgive yourself for cheating in marriage?”
The guilt of infidelity of the cheater and the pain of the victim of cheating is like cancer that will eat away not just your relationship but also yourself.
Getting over the guilt of cheating can be achieved by renewing your spiritual health and faith.
Sometimes we drift away from our faith, and we make mistakes. It’s time to hold hands with your partner and seek this path again together.
This is a great way to get over this painful part of your life.
Gabby Bernstein, an NYT bestselling author, explains the road to a spiritual relationship. Watch how you can refocus the foundation of the relationship.
13. Cheating? What cheating do you mean?
If you have decided to be together, discussed everything, understood, and forgiven, forget that cheating in marriage occurs in your life. We know it is an overwhelming task, especially at the beginning, but there is no other way to stay together.
Constant mentioning, accusations, suspicions, and jokes with evident context – all this promotes refreshing the negative emotions of guilt and insult, prevents rapprochement, and prolongs your family crisis.
Avoid mentioning and try to live the accustomed way of life and do your work on correcting mistakes without needless bright highlighting each of your smallest efforts.
14. Jump over the abyss
The best way of forgetting a bad story is to replace it with a positive one. So, dear cheaters, do not wait long and care about compensating emotions for your honey.
A journey, making one their dream come true, visiting the places associated with your shared happiness, or anything else that can make you closer again will be a good decision.
Do not be afraid that it is not a good time yet: remember, any disease lasts longer if one would not take appropriate measures. Consider the positive experience the pills from the guilt and insult.
Dear cheated, meet any initiative of your party even when it is still hard to overcome the insult. The longer you will delay happiness, the bigger abyss appears between you and your spouse.
Most likely, if you have decided to stay together you do not want such flow of events to occur. Consider that these recommendations are good only when spouses want to stay together. If one of the parties strives to end the story, it will not work.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Maria Vikse has been a director assistant, journalist, and screenwriter. Currently, she is writing for MadeStones. When not traveling, Maria enjoys practicing for marathons, going on hikes, and planning for the next adventure.