No one gets married with the intention of getting a divorce. The reality is that approximately 50% of marriages end up in divorce in the United States. Knowing the reasons behind people getting a divorce can be a tool for couples thinking of marriage and certainly help to reduce or prevent the incidents that contribute to divorces.
The Austin Institute for The Study of Family and Culture using data from 4,000 divorced adults identified the top reasons as to why people get a divorce in the United States to include infidelity by either party; spouse unresponsive to needs; incompatibility; Spouse immaturity; emotional abuse and financial problems.
Marriage vows are based on the promise, that each partner will commit emotionally, sexually and physically to the other and will forsake all others. For many, a marriage is based on a lifelong commitment and exclusivity. Infidelity is the ultimate breach of that promise and it is, therefore, no surprise that is one of the top reasons for people getting a divorce. Infidelity in a marriage fosters and encourages feelings of mistrust, anger, and rejection by the party who was cheated on. Getting a divorce post infidelity comes close to accepting that the marriage is over and there is no room for any marital reconciliation.
2. Unresponsive to needs
Each spouse enters a marriage with preconceived expectations. Those expectations include how their spouse will satisfy their emotional, spiritual, physical, sexual and financial needs. Sometimes each spouse has different and opposing expectations or the expectations are not communicated. The unfulfilled expectations of a spouse are interrupted as the other spouse being unresponsive to his or her needs. This unresponsive behavior is the perfect recipe for conflict, anger, resentment, and sadness in the marriage, often pushing people to the brink, where they call it quits and get a divorce.
Attraction during dating or courtship may include personality traits that are so different – Opposites attract right? In other instances, a couple will find more comfort in their similarities. But compatibility involves a little more than either situation. Persons with different personalities can be very compatible as a couple and likewise persons with similar personalities maybe incompatible. Compatibility is the ability to live together with each other similarities or differences. It is that harmonious balance arrived at by two persons in a relationship. Where that balance does not exist or erodes over time, it fuels a reason for divorce
The ideal for any relationship is that both persons are on the same maturity level. Individuals in a marriage may start from the same maturity level, but during the marriage, one person advances in maturity as a result of a life event or experience. This shift in maturity level and create conflict. The person with the “higher” maturity level gets frustrated; that frustration leads to anger and eventually, the marriage may fail and the person will gravitate towards getting a divorce.
5. Emotional abuse
Abuse in any kind or form is the catalyst for conflict in a marriage. Emotional abuse significantly affects the victim’s confidence and self-esteem. There is no room in a marriage for emotional abuse and it is often times the open gate to physical abuse. Although it leaves no physical scars, emotional abuse leaves deep scars that are hard to heal and will lead to a divorce.
6. Financial problems
Money problems are big problems for any single person and double in intensity with two people are involved and a potential family. Married couples are guilty of not talking much about financial expectations prior to or during a marriage. Simple financial conflicts are easily remedied with conversation and counseling, but in situations of lack and proportionality, a simple conflict can be huge.
You have the choice to become a part of the statistics or take the statistics to foster and grow a sustainable marriage so that you don’t get a divorce , leaving you in an emotional rut.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Shellie Warren