It’s not always easy to know whether it’s time to divorce, specifically because, it can be hard to tell whether the problems in your marriage can be resolved. Or if the issues are too big to overcome.
Whether saving your marriage is the priority or divorce is seeming as though it could be imminent, there are always divorce pros and cons to consider which can be useful in helping you to make an informed decision about your marriage, or divorce.
Recognising your biases
Before you start to consider the divorce pros and cons, it’s important to recognize any biases you might have concerning your marriage or possible divorce.
If you are experiencing a tough time in your marriage and are particularly discontent with your spouse, you might consider divorce to be a positive solution to your marital problems. The state that you are currently in within your marriage could cause you to focus more on pros of separation and ignore the cons.
On the other hand, if you don’t want to divorce but are in a position where you have to consider it, you might turn your biases toward the disadvantages of divorce.
Whatever your inclination and regardless of the state of your marriage, it’s important to consider both sides of the coin so that you can make informed decisions about your marriage that you won’t regret in the future.
The Pros of divorce
1. Escape a violent situation
Domestic abuse is one divorce pro that has no cons. Your safety and wellbeing should be a priority, and you are not safe in a violent situation. Get out and get safe. There is no better choice than to divorce.
2. Attaining the respect and commitment, you deserve
If you are considering divorce due to cheating or pushy and oppressive behavior from your spouse (which they won’t acknowledge or change) divorce or separation will help you to regain your self-respect. It will also open up space for you to find a new and more deserving partner in life.
3. Freedom to live the life that you want
Marriage is all about working together, not just in day to day life but also in working towards shared goals, communication and compromise. However, sometimes it can become impossible (in some marriages) to comfortably attain these commitments to each other without having to give up something that might be extremely important to you individually. This is one divorce pro that will open up possibilities for you to live life exactly as you want it without compromise.
4. Experience being alone
Having to make all decisions based on you and your spouse as a couple can create many limitations, and in some situations diminished opportunities. There are some wonderful experiences that you can enjoy when you live your life independently. It can be more relaxing, freeing, and fun.
Also watch: 7 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
5. Improve your child’s wellbeing
Divorce, amicable or not will affect your children, but so does arguing, or other experiences within a rocky marriage that your children will have to live amongst. Even if you think that the children don’t know what is going on, be assured that they do know.
They may not process what is happening in an adult way, but they know when things are right or not. Divorce might have a positive impact on your children especially if they no longer have to experience arguing at home. Although amicable divorces will always be much easier on your children – so if you are divorcing, for this reason, it’s worth considering working hard to make your divorce amicable.
6. Improve your relationship with your spouse
When you take away all of the pressure and obligations that occur within your marriage. It will give you a sense of relief and space to build a better relationship with your spouse. Divorce doesn’t mean you have to remove your spouse from your life, it can mean turning your relationship into a friendship.
The cons of divorce
1.The negative impact of divorce on your children
The implication of divorce on children is an example of a divorce pro and con that can create a challenging situation. On the one hand, your children will be better off without growing in an unhealthy environment, but on the other, they will experience loss, fear and a sense of instability during the process.
Make it easier on them by working with your spouse amicably, explaining what is happening and maintaining a routine, security, and reassurance from both spouses as a matter of priority.
2. Divorce is expensive and financially challenging
Splitting up the marital home and living separately will cost more than it is likely to cost when you are living together as a couple and a family. Also, your standard of living may be reduced.
If you have children, they need to be accommodated physically, and financially, and you’ll probably both want to enjoy holidays with the children independently (great for the children but not so great on the pocket!).
There will also be the cost of divorce settlements, and even in dividing up or replacing the basics needed for a home. One of the cons of divorce is that it will hit your pocket.
3. Emotional implications of divorce are tough
You didn’t marry for your marriage to end up in divorce. You might be devastated at the thought of separating from your spouse. The idea of spending time alone, or starting over might be challenging. Everything that you have worked for so far in your life has broken down, and if you have children, you’ll be likely to experience worry and guilt about how your divorce has impacted their lives.
You might have less time for the children than you had before because of the increased financial strain that divorce brings.
Divorce, whether welcomed or not, is heartbreaking. The emotional implications will remain with you for a long time, and while they will dissolve in the future, it can be very challenging in the short to medium term. The challenges that this divorce con will bring can be tough, but they will resolve over time.
While divorce pros and cons are all relevant, it’s important not to avoid a necessary divorce that because of the disadvantages and vice versa. Taking time to assess divorce pros and cons can help you gain perspective and realize the road that you might be on if you divorce, they can also help you to take the time and effort to really consider whether divorce is the right move for you or not.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.