25 Reasons Why Couples Divorce After 20 Years Of Marriage

Marriage is sacred, so it’s understandable for married couples to hold on to it as long as possible despite experiencing bumps. This may be why it seems complicated to accept divorce after 20 years.

This may appear as a dilemma, especially for those who haven’t been married and haven’t gone through the common marriage problems after 20 years. Try to look at it without judgment, and you will realize divorcing after 20 years of marriage is difficult and can be quite painful. 

You can only imagine how these old couples faced and surpassed 20 year marriage problems. How do you find answers to – how to leave your husband after 20 years or why couples separate after 20 years?

Here’s a look at the reasons why married couples separate, if anything can be done to reverse the action, or if not, at least find out how to survive a divorce after 20 years of marriage.

Related Reading: 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce

Why do couples divorce after 20 years?

Divorcing after 20 years of marriage is something that may be difficult to accept, but it happens. There’s no single reason why couples separate after 20 years. 

It can be due to cheating or a partner committing a grave mistake that the other person in the relationship has trouble accepting. Sometimes, divorce after 20 years of marriage happens because the two people involved in the relationship no longer find any reason to stay in it.

There are many reasons to end a marriage, but before you do, you may want to think hard about why you decided to stay. However, if you are constantly bickering to the point of hurting each other whenever you are together, it may be best to think about divorcing after 20 years of marriage.

How common is it for couples of 20 years to divorce?

According to research, there’s a general trend that divorce has been decreasing in the US for two decades. However, it was discovered that the rate of couples who divorce in their 50s and above is higher. 

The Pew Research Center mentioned that divorce statistics for couples who are 50 and older have been two times higher since 1990. These findings prove that it is getting more common to witness older couples getting divorced after 20 years. 

It opens up other concerns and more questions. Why marriages fail after 20 years? How to ask for a divorce after 20 years? Why couples divorce after 20 years?

Experiencing divorce after 20 years is unimaginable. It will bring so many thoughts to your head – am I really leaving my husband after 20 years? But the more important question to face at this point is – after 20 years of marriage, what happens?

25 reasons why marriages fail after 20 years

Why do people get divorced after 20 years? Here’s a look at the top reasons and ideas on how to survive a divorce after 20 years of marriage:

1. There’s no love anymore

Though some couples share a happy life by taking care of their children and doing their responsibilities in the family, they can fall out of love for no reason at all and start thinking about divorce after 20 years. 

This doesn’t happen instantly because they slowly grow apart until they decide to have more than enough reasons to end a marriage.

2. They never felt love for each other from the beginning

Many couples may live together for most of their lives but not love each other. They might seem happy for many years for the sake of their children or social image. When there’s no love and compatibility, it’s hard for couples to live together, making divorce after 20 years more likely. 

3. One committed infidelity

One of the main reasons for divorce after 20 years of marriage is infidelity. It doesn’t matter how old a partner is because they can still seek from others what’s lacking from their marriage. 

This is why it is often that that sex is important in marriage. If it stops or you have problems with it, you will likely end up getting divorced after 20 years.

4. There’s a desire for freedom

Those who have been too dependent on their partners would want independence as they grow older. This is likely to happen if they work again after their children move out of the house. When both people in the relationship become financially independent, it is easier for them to divorce after 20 years. 

This is especially true for wives who suddenly think about – leaving my husband after 20 years. 

5. They have unresolved past issues

These unresolved past issues can reemerge after many years. Couples may conceal their issues, but there will come a time when they have to face the truth. This is why honesty is important to relationships. Without it, the relationship would likely end in divorce after 20 years of marriage.

6. They want something more in life

Couples might want to divorce after 20 years if they feel they missed out in life if they married young. 

This is another reason why couples grow apart as the years pass by. They are getting divorced after 20 years to have a new identity or experience something out of the boxes they have long confined themselves into.

7. Lack of communication 

This is one of the leading reasons why married couples separate. Time will come when couples fail to express their affection and emotions towards each other. To be understood in a relationship, you should feel that your partner cares, respects, and validates your feelings. 

Related Reading: How a Lack of Communication in Marriage Can Affect Relationships

8. They lose identity and equality

Marriage is not all about being together. It needs space and time to grow for both the people involved. Couples can feel suffocated if they always spend time with each other. That’s why it’s recommended to go out with friends even when you’re married. 

9. One partner is old-fashioned

Divorce after 20 years can occur if one of the partners has an old-fashioned mentality about certain life aspects and they are not open to change. It will be hard to be in sync if couples have different mentalities. 

10. Abuse is present in the relationship

It’s time to divorce after 20 years if domestic abuse is present. This can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or mental forms. This can also be affected by other issues such as losing a job, death, and addiction. 

11. They got married for fear of being alone

Some people decide to get married because they are scared to grow old alone. However, this is not enough reason to get married and stay in the relationship. This is also one of the common reasons why married couples separate.

12. One partner lies

Openness and honesty are the foundation of marriage. This can lead to trust issues, making the relationship uneasy and resulting in couples getting a divorce after 20-year marriage.

13. Addiction is present in the marriage

Addiction comes in many forms. It can be spending too much, gambling, and pornography, aside from the usual, including drugs and other vices. This can endanger the marriage of couples who have been together for many years. 

It can push the addicted partner to cheat, steal, lie, and betray, leading to divorce after 20 years of being together. 

14. Getting divorced is more acceptable

It doesn’t mean that more older couples are now unhappy in their marriage than the younger generations. They may only feel less pressured to stay married. Over time, divorce has been more accepted by most people. 

They’ve understood that unhappiness in ending a problematic marriage is better than unhappiness in staying in it. 

15. The relationship experiences professional failure

One reason for divorce after 20 years of marriage is a professional failure. It results in financial issues and makes the other partner feel worthless. This can cause a significant change in the relationship. It can be too stressful to the point of thinking about how to ask for a divorce after 20 years.

16. They have varying sexual preferences

Intimacy is crucial in marriage. However, after being married for a long time, one partner might realize the need to come out of the closet. They might have chosen to keep it for a long time because they don’t want to hurt their partner. 

But time will come when the only thing that could help them is truth. Divorcing after 20 years of marriage due to this reason is hurtful but also understandable.

Related Reading: How Important Is Intimacy in a Relationship

17. Their kids had already left home

There is a different effect when there are children at home. When they grow up and move out, the home suddenly feels dull and empty. 

Some parents find it hard to get through this phase. Because couples are left alone, they might realize that they’re incompatible, and they only stay married for the sake of their children.

18. They don’t have enough emotional support for each other

Lack of emotional support in marriage occurs when one partner doesn’t connect or respond well to their partner. 

One example of this is silent treatment. It can be considered manipulation when a partner withdraws emotionally. Ignoring a partner’s feelings can have serious consequences, such as divorce after 20 years separation.

Check out the importance of emotional connection in the marriage and ways to build this connection:

19. They’re going through financial problems

A common stressor in married couples is financial problems. These problems can bring about negative feelings and self-judgment, affecting physical and mental health. 

20. Their therapy and counseling sessions made them realize the reality of their relationship

Couples who realize they’re becoming distanced might opt to consult a specialist. 

While going through therapy, they might understand that they’re incompatible and their differences can’t be improved. However, in most cases, counseling helps couples think hard about reasons to end a marriage before reaching the decision.

21. They have unrealistic expectations in the marriage

It’s easy to have big expectations in marriage, but expecting your partner to meet all of them is not right. When you are in a relationship, it’s natural to have expectations, but you need to make sure that they’re reasonable. 

Related Reading: How to Recognize and Tackle Unrealistic Expectations in Relationships

22. Mental and personality disorders are present in the relationship

Relationships can get damaged if personality disorders such as severe mood swings and impulsive behavior are present. Problems can persist even after getting medical help. Mental disorders such as dementia and PTSD can also burn out the caring partner. 

23. They delay the separation

Some couples might have already known that marriage is not working for them but choose not to get separated for many reasons.  

24. There is an absence of mutual growth

Most people have a lifelong process of personal growth. But, if one partner doesn’t have the will to develop themselves, it can be difficult to live with a partner who has aspirations. Because they have different plans, such as retirement and financial plans, they end up divorcing after 20 years of marriage.

25. They are both retired

Work provides a structure and purpose for many people. After retirement, couples may realize that they’ve grown apart, don’t have the same interests, and don’t enjoy being with each other anymore. It prompts them to think about getting divorced after 20 years.

Related Reading: 8 Real Reasons Why Couples Divorce After Decades of Marriage

Ways on how to survive divorce after 20 years of marriage 

After 20 years of marriage, what happens? Here’s a look at how to survive a divorce after 20 years of marriage:

• Have a serious discussion

After being together for a long time, divorce can be complicated. Having a serious discussion with your partner can make this process easier. You can directly talk about it or get the help of lawyers. 

• Manage your finances

You need to deal with your finances on your own after the separation. Conflicts can be avoided when finances are planned well. 

• Focus on yourself

You should focus on your well-being after getting divorced after 20 years. You can start by consulting a doctor and prioritizing exercising and nutrition. You can also pamper yourself by having a massage or visiting a salon. Doing these can make all the hardships seem easier. 

• Do what you love

Divorce after 20 years of marriage causes a lot of life changes. You can take a break, and don’t pretend that you’re okay if you’re not. It’s alright to feel sad. Give yourself time to heal and try new hobbies to discover new ways to make yourself happy. 

• Avoid questions 

What makes divorce after 20 years more difficult is when people question why you decided to do it. You can deal with this by preparing answers. When you answer, you have to be nice but stern for them to realize that you’re not open to discussing them. 

• Prioritize forgiveness

Getting divorced after 20 years doesn’t always end happily. If you don’t prioritize forgiveness, you’ll find it more difficult to move on. 

Conclusion

Going through a divorce after 20 years is tough. It’s an important decision you need to discuss with your family and children. You have to consider its effects on the people around you.

Before signing the papers, you and your partner should seek counseling first. There may be certain things that you don’t see eye-to-eye, which the professional could explain. No matter what you decide, do not do it hastily. Breathe and think, and consider the reasons to end a marriage and the reasons to stay.