15 Reasons Why You Should Not Settle Being Second Choice in a Relationship

You may have had a relationship where you felt like you were a second choice or are currently in this type of relationship. It is important to remember that being the second choice in a relationship is something you don’t have to live with.

Read this article to learn 15 reasons why you shouldn’t settle for being a second choice.

What does it mean to be second choice?

When you are a second choice in a relationship, you aren’t the person your partner calls all the time. They may have other mates that they hang out with and might be keeping you on the line for when their first option is busy.

Moreover, if you are a second choice, you are being treated as an option. This is not something that you have to put up with. You should find someone who will appreciate you for who you are and make you their first and only choice.

Is it okay to be a second choice?

In general terms, it is not okay to be someone’s second choice. There will always be someone who can’t see your worth and may want to put you on the back burner if they don’t have someone else to call on or date.

It is important to remember that you should never settle for second best, especially if you consider the person you are in a relationship with as your first choice.

Insecurities you’ll have when you feel like you’re someone’s second choice

There are certain insecurities that you may feel when you are in a second-choice relationship.

• You may start to feel jealous

When you experience being second choice in a relationship, it may cause you to feel jealous of others. You might be jealous of the other people that your partner is dating or others that have relationships that are different from yours.

• You may start to feel anxious more often

There’s a chance that you can feel more anxious in your day-to-day life when you are the second option in a relationship. For example, you might feel like you’ll never find another partner or someone to choose you first.

• Your self-esteem and self-worth may suffer

At times, you might think that you aren’t good enough. Don’t make someone a priority when you’re only an option. This can cause you to feel bad about yourself, especially if you care about your partner.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, states that,

Related Reading: 10 Things to Expect When You Love a Man With Low Self-Esteem

• You may start to judge yourself against everyone else 

Besides thinking you aren’t good enough, you might also feel like you need to judge yourself against others. You may think your body isn’t fit enough, or you have the wrong proportions. This thinking is not fair to anyone, so remember that you should never be someone’s second choice.

15 reasons why you should not settle being a second choice

When you are tired of being the second choice in a relationship, consider these 15 reasons you shouldn’t be.

1. You deserve love and respect

When you wonder why am I always second choice in a relationship, this is something that you need to think about. Instead of being someone’s second choice, you should be someone’s only choice. 

You deserve love and respect out of a relationship and be treated with the same energy and attention you would treat your partner.

Also Try: Do I Deserve Love Quiz

2. You should be able to get what you want out of a relationship

Moreover, you need to be able to get everything you want out of a relationship. If you want to be exclusive with a person, they should be willing to do so with you, instead of making you their second choice.

3. It can change who you are

In some cases, you may lose a little bit of yourself. If you start to feel this happening, you need to assure yourself I’m not a second choice and believe it. 

Again, you should only be concerned with relationships where your partner considers you their only choice, plain and simple.

Also Try: Quiz: Are You Open with Your Partner?

4. It is essentially not worth the effort

When you spend all your time and energy on a relationship where you aren’t a primary choice, you may be wasting your time and effort. 

Your time may be better spent finding someone that wants to hang out with you and spend time with only you.

5. It can negatively affect your mental health

When you are regarded as being the second choice in a relationship, this can affect your mental health in a few ways. One is that it can cause you to become depressed or have down feelings. 

Also, this may cause you to require working with a therapist to address your mental health. Consider if your partner is worth harming your mental health over.

Related Reading: How to Deal With Mental Illness in a Spouse

6. You will likely experience many insecurities

Being the second choice in a relationship can cause you to experience several insecurities. As explained by WebMD, if someone has insecurities in their romantic relationship, it may affect other relationships that they have as well.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, notes that,

7. Your confidence can suffer

Once you are tired of being second to someone else, this may affect your confidence. If the person you love doesn’t choose you first, it is understandable why you may not feel confident about your relationship and yourself. 

However, you might want to do something about this.

Related Reading: 10 Signs of Low Self Esteem in a Man

8. Your relationship isn’t equal

When you are being second best in a relationship, there’s a good chance that the relationship isn’t equal. You are likely giving it your all, and the other person may not be putting in the same amount of effort and time. 

You deserve to have a partner that is willing to put in 100% like you are.

9. Your happiness is affected

There are many aspects of being second choice in a relationship that might cause you to feel unhappy. You might be waiting by the phone on most nights are being stood up by your date. These are not good feelings, and you shouldn’t have to deal with them.

Related Reading: How Marriage and Happiness Can Be Enhanced With 5 Simple Activities

10. It is hard to make plans

Have you ever wanted to make plans with your partner, and they won’t give you confirmation or spend time with you? This can weigh on your mind and can also affect the trust you have with the other person. 

The site WellDoing expresses that many people feel like trust is the thing they value most in a relationship. When you don’t feel like you have that in yours, you should think about what you want.

11. You are unable, to be honest with your loved ones

If you are in a relationship where you are the second choice, you may not want to talk about this to the people that care about you the most. This can cut off your support system and make you feel even worse about yourself. 

Make sure you don’t go for second best and be sure to talk to someone in your support system when you need to.

Related Reading: Flexibility or Honesty in a Relationship, What Matters More?

12. You may feel lonely most of the time

There’s a good chance that when you are spending time being second choice in a relationship, a big portion of your time is spent being by yourself or lonely. Keep in mind that you don’t have to sit by the phone and wait. You can live your life!

13. You are probably being lied to

The Mayo Clinic suggests that a key part of a healthy relationship is honesty, so if you don’t have that with your partner, you may want to think about your options.

Check out this video for ways to know that you aren’t someone’s first choice:

14. You might be setting yourself up for a broken heart

In some instances, you might think that things will change with your partner. You may think that being the second choice in a relationship is temporary and that they will choose you first if you wait it out.

While this can happen, it isn’t something that you should expect to happen.

Related Reading: How to Heal a Broken Heart?

15. There’s someone out there for you

There is probably someone out there for you who will make you happy and wants to give you the things you need out of a relationship. You owe it to yourself to try to find this person.

Conclusion

When it comes to being second choice in a relationship, this is something that you shouldn’t have to put up with. You should consider dating only people that will think of you as their only mate and won’t be texting or dating others on the side.

If you allow yourself to be a second choice, this can affect you negatively in several different ways, where you may end up feeling bad about yourself or even find that you need to take advantage of mental health support. 

It’s important to take the time to find a partner that will appreciate you and treat you like you treat them. Don’t settle for anything less!

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Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

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