No matter amarriage’s problems, the lives of the partners involved are deeply intertwined; it’s hard to untangle the knot and find what comes next.
Some may not want to jump from happily married to begrudgingly divorced. Like marriage itself, divorce is a big step in a relationship and life. It needs to be considered thoughtfully and inspected from all angles.
So, if you wonder, “Can my marriage be saved after separation,” know that rather than rushing into the permanent decision of divorce, it may be a better option to separate for a while and see if you can use that separation to save your marriage.
Taking a step back from the problem and getting some space from one another might be the solution that a couple needs.
Moving forward, we’ll pull back the curtain and look at 5 things that you should know about how to save your marriage during separation. It can be a useful tool insaving a marriage if executed correctly.
Does separation to save a marriage work? One way to answer this question would be yes, but only when the circumstances are right.=
There’s no easy answer to this question. Everyone is different, and every relationship has its own unique dynamics. But there are some general rules of thumb regarding separation to save a marriage that can help you make a decision when it’s time to end a relationship.
Signs that you’re ready to move on from your relationship (or marriage):
You’ve tried to work things out, but things keep getting worse and worse.
You’re constantly worrying about your partner and what he or she is doing. You find yourself wanting to check up on your partner to see how he or she is doing.
You feel like you have no one to talk to about your relationship problems or feelings.
You’re not getting enough time with your partner to spend quality time together.
If you are separating to save your marriage, get back in touch with what brought you to life before you shared your life with your spouse.
Take note of what it is that you like to do. If you’re intentional about this rediscovery of yourself, you may uncover that it was this lack of individual pursuit thatput your marriage in a rut.
Two people can coexist in a loving marriage while also having individual hobbies and interests. If you buried your hobbies long ago, use this time of separation to save a marriage to find it again. A better “me” makes for a better “we.” Always.
Create boundaries that will showcase an actual separating from the spouse. Give one another the proper breathing room that separation requires.
Make some decisions about who’s going to live where. Be clear about what you will both do about your money and joint bank accounts.
I would suggest either closing or freezing them; a separation filled with spite can drain a bank account fast. If you have kids, choose where they’re going to live and how much time they’ll spend with each parent.
The point is this: if you decide to separate to save your marriage, actually do it. If you waver back and forth, you’ll never know if it will work. There should be a difference in how you operate.
If you don’t respect the change that you’re trying to introduce to your marriage, there won’t be a change in the results of that marriage.
After a while, it becomes the status quo of your relationship, making it nearly impossible to reconcile. Give your separation to save a marriage a firm start and end date so that you and your spouse will treat it seriously and with urgency.
Also watch: Can separation from your spouse help save your marriage:
5. Know what you’re up against
Make sure that you are doing your due diligence once you’ve decided to separate. Get to that therapist’s office. Set those boundaries. Enjoy your “me” time. Give your separation a deadline.
Don’t take this time in your life lightly. Some people are separated for years without ever using that time to try and repair what they’ve walked away from.
If that’s why you’re stepping away in the first place, be intentional about the time you spend apart. Use it to build a stronger foundation for when you and the love of your life find your way back to each other.
6. Gives a new aspect
If you’re using separation as a tool to save your marriage and hopefully improve the state of your marriage, just be aware of this statistic: according to a study done at Ohio State University,79% of separations end in divorce.
This doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to use your separation to improve and save your marriage; it just means that you have your work cut out for you.
Separation to save a marriage provides an atmosphere to rediscover new aspects of marriage life allowing couples to have a fresh start in the relationship.
Plan for financial obligations: There should be a clear arrangement during the separation process about what happens to the assets, cash, monies, debts during a separation.
The time frame for the separation: The separation process should have a specific time frame attached to it so that the separation’s main aim will be accomplished- to decide the future actions to make in the marriage, maybe to end or continue.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.