If you have irreconcilable differences, the separation of marriage allows both parties to incorporate cognitive thought and soul search to get a sense of marriage.
When separating from a spouse, you need to agree and have a shared goal on the timelines as well as the efforts you expect from each other to restore your marriage.
For example, when you separate for infidelity reasons, separation makes sense. This space allows the couple to assess the reality of the unworthiness of the relationship, giving room to try and restore the marriage.
Does your absence create loneliness in your partner or relief or freedom?
Staying away gives both of you space to appreciate the role and presence of your spouse in the family and the union. This, in turn, enhances the chances of reconciliation after separation.
If he is comfortable with it, then the separation will not be able to save the marriage, but if both of you feel a void by the separation, it enhances the natural will to strengthen the marriage.
In fact, after the separation, you have missed one another and appreciate their presence in your life, it strengthens the bond.
No one will wish to go through the same hardships when faced with any issue in marriage after a separation; there is goodwill to solve it before it escalates to the point of departure.
Remember, a cycle of separation in marriage will finally lead to divorce, whatever the time.
How separation can help a marriage
Separation can be vital to help a marriage only when there is a commitment from both the parties to continue with the union.
Do you oblige to all the counseling sessions? Are your lines of communication open to one another at this critical period?
At one point, do you miss one another when in a day or two neither of the parties ever made an effort to get to know the welfare of the spouse? Are you still friends, even in separate lives?
All these are indicators of the value of separation in the marriage.
A marriage separation that takes longer than six months is bound to lead to divorce unless there are underlying issues that need time to solve.
A longer marriage separation allows couples to stay comfortable in their separate lives; it comes with new commitments, friends, activities that lead to complacence in salvaging the marriage.
This is the time for self-discovery now that you have all the time to yourself, aggregating the reconciliation effort.
Yes, marriage separation gives you time and space, but the efforts to make it work should start immediately. When there is progress, there will be no urge to start a new relationship since there is the hope of reconciling the marriage.
Rules of separation in marriage
Remember that separation is not a random step that you decide to take one day because you are fed up with the way your marriage is turning out.
For a marriage separation to be fruitful, you must put in place some ground rules to ensure that you do not get lost in your time away from each other.
Here are five essentials that must be opted for during marriage separation:
Set boundaries: Having clear set boundaries is essential to building trust among partners during and after a separation.
Level of intimacy: You have to decide whether you will still remain intimate with your partner.
Plan for financial obligations: There should be a clear arrangement during the separation process about what happens to the assets, cash, monies, debts during a separation.
The time frame for the separation: The separation process should have a specific time frame attached to it so that the separation’s main aim will be accomplished- to decide the future actions to make in the marriage, maybe to end or continue.
Communicate with your partner effectively: Steady and effective communication is a vital component that determines the quality of any relationship. But communicating with your spouse during separation is essential as well.
Couples who have successfully gone through marriage separation admit that it is the most traumatic yet rewarding experience. The fear of uncertainty allows your intuition to accommodate your partner’s strengths and weaknesses.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.