Complacency and boredom in marriage lead to resentment and lack of appreciation among couples. Being married for long, means you understand your spouse better on his/her level of commitment to the marriage, although it does not guarantee a fulfilled marriage. Separation can help or destroy a marriage depending on the following factors
- Reasons for separation
- Ability to handle absence of a spouse- it could be a relief.
- Commitment from both the spouses to save the marriage
- The length of separation
Assess your unique situation
If you feel you can solve the problems using counselors or close mutual friends then separation is paramount to creating the space to heal and to forgive one another. If you have irreconcilable differences then separation allows both the parties to incorporate cognitive thought and soul search to get the sense of marriage. As you separate, you need to agree and have a shared goal on the timelines as well as the efforts you expect from each other to restore your marriage.
For example, when you separate for infidelity reasons, separation makes sense. This space allows the couple to assess the reality of the unworthiness of the relationship, giving room to try and restore the marriage. The realization softens the heart to seek forgiveness and engage in a mature talk for a blissful marriage.
Does your absence create loneliness in your partner or a relief or freedom? Staying away gives both of you space to appreciate the role and presence of your spouse in the family and the union. If he is comfortable with it then the separation will not bear fruit to save the marriage, but in case both of you feel a void by the separation, it enhances the natural will to secure the marriage. In fact, after the separation; you have missed one another and appreciate their presence in your life, it strengthens the bond. No one will wish to go through the same feeling, when faced with any issue in marriage after a separation; there is a good will to solve it before it escalates to a point of departure. Remember, a cycle of separation in marriage will finally lead to divorce whatever the time.
How separation really helps
Separation is vital to help a marriage only when there is commitment from both the parties to continue with the union. Do you oblige to all the counseling sessions? Are your lines of communication open to one another at this critical period? At one point do you miss one another when in a day or two neither of the parties ever made an effort to get to know the welfare of the spouse? Are you still friends even in separate lives? All these are indicators of the value of separation in the marriage.
A separation that takes longer than six months is bound to lead to divorce unless there are underlying issues that need time to solve. A longer separation allows couples to stay comfortable in their separate lives; it comes with new commitments, friends, activities which lead to complacence in salvaging the marriage. This is the time for self-discovery now that you have all the time to yourself aggregating the reconciliation effort. Yes, separation gives you time and space but the efforts to make it work should start immediately. When there is progress, there will no urge to start a new relationship since there is hope of a renewed marriage vow.
Advantages of separation to save the marriage
- Provides an atmosphere to rediscover new aspects of marriage life allowing couples to have a fresh start in the relationship
- It gives spouses the space and time to appreciate the presence, effort and obligation of both partners in their marriage institution.
- Couples have all the freedom to explore themselves, deal with emotional issues without interference from the partner and finally work on their weaknesses ideal for the marriage reunion.
- Couples have the time to heal and forgive their spouses; ideal to face the reconciliation sessions with a clear mind with no betrayal issues, mistrust or resentment
There is no guarantee of a restored marriage after a separation in as much as you may have same marital differences that lead to disagreements. As you separate, give your partner room to understand your feelings and come with an objective on the direction in which the separation takes. The mutual consent allows reasoning, logic, and maturity as the main pillars to guide the separation to a restored marriage with a fulfilling life.
Couples who have successfully gone through separation admit that it is the most traumatic yet rewarding experience. The fear of uncertainty allows your intuition to accommodate your partner’s strengths and weaknesses.