When things don’t go well in a marriage, the spouses often decide to split. They don’t get divorced, they just separate. This gives the couple a chance to realize what they lost and gained by separating. If you want to know how to save a marriage after separation, the following points might help you.
Don’t push anything
When a couple splits, one of the partners is usually more disturbed with the decision. Usually, one of them wants to leave, and the other is pushing not to.
If you’re faced with this kind of situation and you don’t want your spouse to leave, be sure that nothing good will come out of forcing or threats. The best thing to do in this situation is to let the other person go away. This way you will show constructiveness.
Very soon the partner that left will see the bad and the good sides of the separation and he or she will miss the security and warmth of the home.
Look for the problem
All separations are happening because of unresolved problems. Very often spouses are not aware of those problems. Some might even think that everything is fine with their marriage and the separation catches them off-guard.
In order to restore the happiness of the marriage, you must look and find the problems that led to the separation. Look deeper in your actions and how your spouse reacted to them. Remember what he or she was mad about and think about overcoming them.
A therapist may be helpful for this but is not essential. It is very easy to find the problem, just think about your partner’s words when he or she was angry.
Work on the problem
When you find the problem, give yourself a little time to work on it. If your partner was angry about your laziness, show them that you are not lazy anymore. Find a job if that was bothering them.
Whatever the problem was in your marriage, work on it, and make sure your spouse see that you’re improving and that you’re able to make change and sacrifice for them.
When you feel ready, reach for your partner and offer a friendly talk. Don’t be pushy or expect everything to become normal at once. Be just a friend to the person you once married in order to live together in harmony again.
Suggest a deadline. Promise that you will change until the deadline and explain that if you don’t succeed in the change, your partner won’t be bothered by you.
Having a frame in which you both work together on improving your relationship is always comforting. Your spouse will feel relaxed and when he or she sees that there is no rushing things and setting unwanted boundaries, rejoining will be easier.
You both must forgive. Forgiving is crucial in a situation like this. If you want to be a loving married couple again, you must forget the behavior of your spouse that you didn’t like, but also expect the same treatment from the other side.
Saving the marriage means that both sides must cooperate and want the marriage to work. If only one person forgives and works on the problem while the other is destined to leave, then counseling is the best solution.