You called it quits, you had enough and just wanted to get out of a toxic marriage. Divorce is a long and tiring process that will scar you emotionally and not just to you but your children as well.
We all know that divorce takes time, it can be months and with that span of time, anything can happen. Some couples drift apart, even more, some move on with their lives and some can become friends at the least but there is one question to still be answered — “can separated couples reconcile?”
If you are in the first few months of your divorce negotiations or have decided to give trial separation a go, chances are you will not even consider this thought but for some couples, at the back of their minds, this question exists. Is it still possible?
Most common reasons for divorce
Although the reason for every divorce is different, there are still the most common reasons why it happens. The most common reasons why married couples settle for divorce or decide to separate are:
- Infidelity or extramarital affairs
- Drug addiction
- Alcohol dependency or other substances
- Lack of communication
- Possessiveness / Jealousy
- Personality disorders Eg. NPD or Narcissistic personality disorder
- Financial instability
- Physical or emotional abuse
- Sexual incompatibility
- Falling out of love
It’s important to note that aside from the reasons stated above, there can be so many other factors that can lead to divorce or separation. Sometimes, couples decide to go separate ways just to save their remaining respect for one another. As they say, it’s better to just part ways than to live together and destroy each other. No matter what the reason may be, as long as it’s for the better — divorce is accepted.
How is reconciliation possible?
To answer the question, yes divorced couples can even reconcile even after a rough divorce or getting separated. In fact, if a couple decides to seek counselors or lawyers, they don’t suggest divorce immediately. They ask if the couple would be willing to take marriage counseling or even a trial separation. Just to test the waters and give them time to re-think their decisions. However, even in the chances that they do proceed with the divorce, no one can really say where this is going.
While some couples decide to separate while waiting for divorce negotiations to take place, what really happens is that they get time off from each other. As anger subsides, time will also heal wounds and in the process of divorce may come personal development and self-realization.
If you have children, the bond that you have is stronger and for their sake — you’d begin to ask if there is another chance. From there, some couples begin to talk; they begin the process of healing and grow from the mistakes they made. That is the start of hope, a glimpse of that love asking for a second chance.
Second chances – How to treasure your relationship
Can separated couples reconcile? Of course, they can! Even couples after divorce can sometimes get back together after many years. No one can say what the future holds. If you’re in the phase of your relationship where you’re considering to give your spouse a second chance, then this is for you.
1. If both of you are not in the mood to discuss anything, then don’t
You can find another time to do this. Avoid clashing by respecting your spouse. Avoid heated arguments if possible.
2. Be there for your partner
This is already your second chance in your marriage. It’s time to not just see your spouse as your partner but also as your best friend. You’ll be spending most of your time together and more than the romantic aspect of marriage, it is the companionship that’s most important if you want to grow old together. Be that person who your spouse can run to in case he or she has problems. Be there to listen and not to judge.
3. Have time for yourselves
Go on dates, it doesn’t have to be in a fancy restaurant. In fact, simple dinner with wine is already perfect. Go on a vacation with your kids. Go on a walk once in a while or just exercise together.
4. Learn from your mistakes
Talk and compromise. Don’t turn this into a heated argument but rather a time talks to the heart to heart. You can hire the help of a marriage counselor if you think you need it but if not, weekly talks about life give your heart a chance to just open up.
5. Appreciate your partner
Instead of always focusing on your partner’s shortcomings why not look at all his or her efforts? Everyone has shortcomings and you do too. So instead of fighting one another, appreciate your spouse and see how much this can change things.
6. Learn to compromise
There will still be instances that you’ll disagree with things or situations. Instead of being hardheaded, learn to compromise. There is always a way to meet halfway and it’s possible to have a little sacrifice for the betterment of your marriage.
7. Give space to your spouse
This doesn’t mean that you’ll do trial separation every time you fight. Instead, if you feel your partner needs space — don’t annoy him or her for answers. Let your spouse be and in time when he or she is ready, you can talk.
8. Show love not just with actions but also with words
It’s not too cheesy, it’s just a verbal way of saying you appreciate or love the person. You may not be used to this but a little adjustment won’t hurt, right?
So can separated couples reconcile even if they are already in the divorce process or even after a traumatic experience? Yes, it’s definitely possible though this is a process in which the couple should both want it and would work hard for it. It’s not easy to start over but it’s definitely one of the bravest decisions you can do not just for your marriage but also for your children.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.