You’ve met each other’s friends, went on a vacation, spent the holidays together, and maybe even bonded with each other’s families. Sounds like a serious relationship, right?
However, you’re not exactly in a relationship with this guy.
Have you ever asked yourself, “Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?” or ever wondered why “he won’t commit but won’t let me go?”
If you have, then it’s about time to really understand why guys do not want a relationship but still want to keep you at arm’s length.
Related Reading: 20 Ways to Tell if a Men Is Confused About His Feelings for You
Do you feel that he wants you but doesn’t want to have a relationship with you?
Having feelings for a man who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you already hurts but what’s more hurtful is when this man gives you mixed signals.
Have you ever been in a situation where he tells you he’s not ready to be in a relationship but still acts like he is interested? If a guy says he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship, then it might be exactly like that.
“Is he playing with me?”
He might, and he just wants YOU, but he doesn’t see you as a potential partner.
Also Try : Are You Ready For Relationship Quiz?
15 Real reasons why he keeps you around
As a woman, this is one of the harshest realities that you will need to face.
No one wants to be an option, so if you have doubts about your current “relationship,” then it’s time to decode the 15 real reasons why he is keeping you at arm’s length but won’t go any further.
1. He wants you but not a relationship
“He says he doesn’t love me but acts as he does.”
He might sincerely like or even love you, but he’s just not ready to be in a relationship.
Sometimes, it’s as simple as that but of course, keeping you close to him gives him the benefits of having a partner without the label.
You need to ask him directly about your status. No one wants to stay in a confusing relationship.
Related Reading: 5 Things to Do if You Are Confused in a Relationship
2. He’s not sure about what he wants
“He doesn’t want a relationship but won’t let me go.”
He keeps on coming back to you because he knows your value, but he’s not yet sure about his feelings. Some people simply don’t know what they want in life and in their relationships. He would also do this with his career and even with his goals in life.
While there is a chance that he would commit, wouldn’t it be better if you would talk and make sense out of things as soon as possible?
3. He’s afraid to be alone
“He’s still with me even when he says he doesn’t want a relationship.”
If you feel that this guy is not really going to commit yet is still lingering around you, showing you sweetness and asking you out, then it looks like he just doesn’t want to be alone.
Without you and your attention, he would feel alone, and for someone who has gotten used to your care, he wouldn’t want to let that go.
If he wants to eat out or watch a movie and no one is available, he can just call you anytime because you’ll always have time for him. You keep him company, and you make extra efforts for him – a great reason to keep you close.
If you feel like this, reassess your situation because you don’t want to be his option when he’s bored.
4. He doesn’t want another man to have you
“Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?”
Just when you feel like it’s time to move on, this guy appears again and shows you love and affection.
He’s making sure that you still have feelings for him because he doesn’t want another man to have you. A man like this sees you as a property and not as a partner. It’s for his ego and not because he has feelings for you.
Let’s say it may work once, but if you see a pattern, you need to wake up.
5. He’s afraid of hurting you
“Why won’t he let me go if he doesn’t want me?”
Sometimes, the only reason why a guy can’t cut off ties is that he’s afraid of hurting you. Sounds like he’s a good guy, right? He may actually be.
If you had a traumatic past and he knows about it, then breaking up with you will be hard.
Maybe it’s time to have a serious talk with each other and ask him if you’re ready to know what he really feels.
6. He doesn’t like drama
“How come he doesn’t want me? Am I not good enough?”
Some men hate drama and wouldn’t want to initiate a breakup. He may be worried that once he becomes honest and ends it, everything will be complicated.
Maybe, he’s just waiting for you to end everything.
7. He values your friendship
“Does he want a relationship or not? I’m confused!”
Some friendships develop into romantic relationships. Some would work, but some won’t. He may have realized that you are better off as friends but can’t bring himself to break the news to you.
He’s afraid that all the years that you have spent together as friends would just go to waste.
If you think it’s time to just end it, make it clear with him, and just like close friends, talk about it.
8. You’re convenient for him
“The man is keeping me down by playing with my feelings!”
Do you trust your instincts? If you feel like he’s only staying with you because he needs you or he gets things from you – then you are correct. Some people stay for convenience but are too selfish to commit to a relationship.
If you think your only purpose is this, then have the courage to let go. You deserve better.
9. He thinks flirting is fun
“What if a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship but acts like it?”
For some, flirting is exciting and challenging. He’s not in love with you, and he’s not planning to commit, but he sure loves to challenge himself.
Seeing how good they are at making you fall in love is such an ego boost for them, and chances are, he’s doing it to other women too.
It’s time to reevaluate your self-worth and see his intentions behind the sweet gestures.
10. He thinks you as one of his options
“He doesn’t want me but won’t leave me alone? What gives?”
Some men might not be ready to settle down but want to keep their options open. He might see some of the qualities that he likes with you, so he’s keeping you close, but chances are, he also has other options.
Break this chain and never allow people to treat you as an option, no matter how much you care about him.
11. He’s not ready for more responsibilities
“He’s giving me mixed signals; I’m not sure if we will even move forward.”
The reality is, some men aren’t ready to take on responsibilities. He may really have genuine feelings, but being single without responsibility is much more appealing for him. Keeping you close without being in a relationship with you gives him the benefits without the responsibilities.
It’s up to you if this situation will work for you or not.
12. He thinks you will put a leash on him
“How come he doesn’t want me even though we have feelings for each other?”
If you are sure that he has genuine feelings for you, but he is afraid to commit, then he may think that having a label also means you will put a leash on him.
Calling where he is, when he is coming home, or even checking his phone and laptop may seem to be too much for some men. That’s why he would rather give you mixed signals and flirt around than commit to a serious relationship.
13. He has issues
“We’re basically together but without a label.”
Some people have deep issues that affect their relationships. You just find yourself waiting for him, but he can’t commit because he has issues to deal with, yet he wants you to be by his side.
You can help or ask if he needs help resolving issues and maybe, he’ll finally want to have a relationship.
14. For him, you’re not “the one”
“Why is it that guys never want a relationship with me?”
Sadly, when a man likes you but doesn’t want a relationship, he would only ask you for some
intimate time, then this only means one thing.
He doesn’t think that you’re the one for him.
This will hurt, but it will help you decide if you will stay like this or move on.
15. You’re good in bed
“We’re great in bed, we have chemistry, and he’s so passionate, but after that, he explains he’s not ready for commitment.”
This is another harsh truth to face. The only reason this guy can’t let go of you is that you are an awesome lover, but that’s it. He doesn’t think of you as anything else other than a great lover that he wants to keep close.
This may break you, but it will also be enough to wake you up from believing that there are other reasons why he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.
How to decode that he doesn’t want a relationship without asking
It can be awkward to ask a man if they want to commit to a serious relationship. The good thing here is you don’t have to ask to get the answers that you need directly. You just have to test him and decode his answers.
1. Can you rely on him?
A real relationship isn’t just about happy memories. You become partners that help each other grow and be there for each other when the going gets tough.
You would be able to count on him, from asking him to get your medicines to being there when you are having problems – a person who treasures you will make a way to be there.
If he really wants you… he will do his best to be there for you. He’ll make a way to be there when you need him. If he doesn’t, then he’ll come up with many excuses.
2. You can have his full attention
Giving your full attention to your significant other is one of the best ways to let them know that you love them.
Ask them about their day, engage in meaningful conversations, and ask them about their opinions before making any decisions. It’s an essential part of any serious relationship.
If he really wants you… you won’t have to beg for his time or his attention. He would gladly give it to you. If he doesn’t, then you’ll find yourself waiting for your turn on his busy checklist and priorities.
3. Ask him to open up and talk
We all need to talk and open up. It doesn’t matter if he’s not the talkative one or if he is an introvert – he still has something to share with you.
It may take some time before you can convince him to open up and have a serious talk, but it’s all worth it. It can also clear some things between the two of you.
If he really wants you… he will grab this opportunity to get closer to you. He will make an effort to connect with you and open up. If he doesn’t, then he’ll shrug you off and refuse to open up.
4. Talk about your future
It doesn’t matter if you’re dating or not, as long as you feel like you are in a relationship, and then try to talk about your future.
We’re not suggesting planning your whole wedding, maybe just small details like what you can do in a year or if you want to have a couple of goals, etc.
If he really wants you… you will see his positive reaction. He would also suggest converse and be part of your plans. If he doesn’t, then he might even accuse you of being too needy. That’s because he doesn’t see you as a part of his future.
“Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?”
If this is how you feel and this is what his actions mean, then it’s time to ask him directly. If you can, it’s still better to talk to him. It’s the only way to make things clear. You don’t waste time and effort on someone who doesn’t consider you as a partner.
This may be hard to accept, but most of the time, the only reason why he is keeping you close is that you are always available for him. Sometimes, he may even think that you are totally okay with this kind of setup.
It’s time to clear things up and ask for one clear answer.
No more reasons, long stories, and even empty promises. If he really wants you, then he can commit. If he doesn’t, then it’s time to move on.