Sex is a private and sensitive topic, and it’s not surprising if you’ve never had a conversation about it with anyone. However, if you’re looking for signs he thinks you’re bad in bed, then it’s time to do a little digging.
Being bad at sex could mean that either you do not gain any pleasure in sex or that your partner shuts down after sex and doesn’t seem to enjoy it. It’s not a crime- and is definitely something you can work on. Read on to know what could be signs he thinks you’re bad in bed and how to work on your sex life.
15 signs to know if you’re bad in bed
Here are some clear signs to understand if you are bad in bed:
1. You’re not the biggest fan of sex
You’ve seen it in movies, you’ve read it in books, and your friends seem incapable of not talking about it- but you feel absolutely nothing when it comes to sex. It’s natural to wonder, ‘am I bad at sex’? If you’re not gaining any pleasure, then it could be a sign you’re bad in bed or your partner is.
2. You feel ashamed or embarrassed of your sexuality
Something about sex makes you uncomfortable. You feel ashamed when your partner compliments you sexually. Or, you’re too engrossed in overthinking about what makes a woman (or man) bad in bed. Either way, sex causes you way too much stress, and you think it’s not worth it at all.
3. You usually have to plan out the entire act before you do it
You like to know what’s coming. When you know you’re going to have sex, you try to plan it all out and make sure your partner follows your plan. This might’ve been sexy at first, but sticking to the same two moves makes a man (or woman) bad in bed, and your partner could lose interest quickly.
4. Your partner usually seems disinterested in sex
You’ve tried everything, but your partner is just not interested in having sex with you. Maybe things were hot and heavy at the beginning of your relationship, but the flames died out quickly. Could that be a sign he thinks you’re bad in bed? Sadly, the answer is a yes.
5. You’ve never asked your partner what they like in bed
You might’ve noticed that you and your partner only have sex the way you want it. Think about whether you’ve ever asked what she wants? Maybe you just thought that girl is bad in bed and only your way works. That kind of reasoning is a good sign of how to know if you’re bad in bed.
6. You and your partner never have pillow talk
You have passionate sex, and then you’re done. Your partner tries to talk after, but you have absolutely no interest in talking about anything. Talking after sex is important for a relationship, and not talking is a good indicator of what makes a man bad in bed.
If at the end of the day, you’re having sex just to check it off your list, it’s a sign you’re bad in bed. Research shows that treating sex as a chore is very often seen in marital relationships, where pleasure is taken for granted.
Not fulfilling a partner’s needs is what primarily makes a wife or husband bad in bed.
8. You never engage in foreplay
You think foreplay is for losers and always get right into it. That’s a sign you’re an amateur and that you’re probably bad at sex. Foreplay is a good way to get started, warm up your partner and get them going. Not caring about how your partner is feeling can be a huge turn-off.
You have no problem getting someone into bed once, but the next day they want nothing to do with you. This could be one of many signs he thinks you’re bad in bed and is looking for a better sexual partner. So you might be having lots of changing partners, but nobody who sticks.
10. You don’t exactly have an emotional relationship
Your relationship with your partner outside the bedroom has a direct impact on your relationship in bed. If you don’t have an emotional connection with your partner, your sexual relationship also suffers.
Research shows that if there is no emotional relationship, then your partner might not feel safe or comfortable to engage in sex, which makes it more stressful for both of you.
11. You’re only focused on yourself
Sexual pleasure is a two-way street. Both you and your partner need to have an equal say in your sexual life. If you selfishly satisfy your own needs, it’s definitely a sign he thinks you’re bad in bed.
12. You keep apologizing
Apologizing when you cross the line is good. Saying sorry every time you change positions or showing unnecessary concern can ruin the mood and can also be frustrating. Apologizing when your partner sees no need for it can be a sign you’re bad at sex and is an instant turnoff.
13. You’re being too pushy
Showing an interest in having sex with your partner can be flattering, but being too pushy about it can be demeaning and may even turn your partner against it. It’s a classic sign she thinks you’re bad at sex if you’re constantly begging for it.
14. You don’t do any of the work
Sex is not one-sided — both you and your partner need to be involved in the act for it to be any good. If you’re just lying down and expect your partner to do all the work, then it’s a sure sign you’re bad in bed.
15. You’re overconfident
Being confident about yourself and your body is sexy; being overconfident and conceited is not. Your partner may assume you’re putting on a false bravado to hide how bad you are in bed, and it can also be a turnoff.
If you are bad in bed, can you get better?
Being good or bad at sex is not something people are born with. It’s something you work on over the years and can definitely get better at.
The first step to getting good is being aware of what your problems in bed might be, and you can slowly work on improving yourself. Read on to learn more about 10 ways you can get better at sex.
10 ways to make bad sex better
Wondering how you can make your sex life better? Here are 10 ways to improve it:
1. Work on your confidence levels
So now that you know how very low or very high confidence can impact your performance in bed, it’s time to work on it. If you have low confidence, try to build it up slowly using affirmation techniques, like thinking positively about yourself or engaging in confidence-building activities.
If you find that your overconfidence and dismissiveness about your partner is a turnoff, then being aware of when you’re behaving this way is the first step. Try to pay more attention to your partner and their needs, and focus a little less on yours. It can help you get better in bed.
2. Work on communication in bed
People think sex is only a physical act, and they cannot be more wrong. Talking during sex is important. Scientists also say that you can talk during sex using non-verbal cues, and it can make your partner feel more comfortable.
You can also try asking your partner questions about what feels good and what positions might not be doing it for them. Talking through it can help you get much better at sex and will make your partner change their mind about whether you’re bad in bed.
3. Try new things
If you only have one bedroom routine, your partner gets bored. And a bored partner is a sign he thinks you’re bad in bed. Switch things up. Play a dirty game or try roleplay. Ask your partner about their wildest fantasy and take it to the next level. In other words, try something new.
4. Dedicate a night or two to your partner’s needs
If you find that you’re only doing things that you like in the bedroom, it’s time to take a step back. Evaluate your partner’s needs.
Try to cater to them. Turn your next date night into a night in your bedroom dedicated to pleasuring your partner. Make it all about them and see how that changes the way they see you in bed.
5. Work on your emotional connection
If you’re wondering what to do when you’re bad in bed, then fixing your relationship outside the bedroom is key. If you want to get past meaningless sex, then an emotional connection will get you there. It can also make sex much more pleasurable for your partner.
Go out on dates and find something in common- maybe you both like amusement parks or binge-watching a show. Doing things other than just sex with your partner can really help things in the bedroom.
6. Give foreplay a shot
Foreplay is an often overlooked part of sex. Even if you’re in the mood, you can’t assume your partner is up and ready to go.
It’s important to gauge your partner’s sexual interest, and a little bit of foreplay can go a long way in helping you get better in bed. It can also help your partner, and you loosen up. If they’re feeling uncomfortable, help the both of you develop chemistry.
7. Try sex therapy
This might seem like an overreaction, but going to sex therapy can do wonders for your performance in bed. Sex therapists can help you pinpoint what problems you might be having and where they’re coming from.
If sex is more of a partner issue, then attending therapy sessions together can help build your rapport, fix problems in your relationships both inside and outside your bedroom, and help you make sex a fun part of your dating life.
A telltale sign he thinks you’re bad in bed is if he never talks to you about sex. But don’t wait for your partner to start the conversation.
Take charge and start asking questions: what do you like in the bedroom? What do you like about my body? How does a certain position make you feel? These are some questions you can ask your partner to start a conversation.
If you feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about it, then consider making a game out of it. You can also find lots of couples dating questions online. It doesn’t have to be a serious conversation; just focusing on getting comfortable talking openly about sex. It’s nothing to be ashamed of!
Lots of people think that if you take things slow, then it’s a sign you’re bad at sex. That’s a common misconception. Taking things slow can actually make sex more pleasurable for you and your partner as it makes it more exciting. It also gives you and your partner enough time to get comfortable with each other.
10. Be spontaneous
Having a routine relationship can get boring quickly, and this can also impact your performance in bed. Take chances and be spontaneous.
Whisk away your partner with a surprise date night or an overnight trip. Being spontaneous can make your relationship more exciting, and can also make you feel more pumped up and energized in bed.
Being bad at sex is not a verdict that cannot be revoked. Like anything else, it is a skill you work on.
You can work on making your sex life better by having open communication with your partner, trying new things in the bedroom, and working on your own self-confidence. Going to sex therapy or counseling is also a great way to make your sexual life better.
Many people have trouble performing in bed due to stress, and there are lots of ways you can overcome sexual anxiety. Working on your sexual life can be time-consuming, confusing, and can have an emotional toll.
But, at the end of the day, it can make you a lot better in bed and improve your relationship with your partner. Remember that it’s a skill, and improve on it as much as you can. Great sex requires work!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.