15 Signs of a Superficial Relationship and How to Fix It

In the modern age, there are several types of relationships even in the context of romance and love. But have you ever wondered what kind of romantic relationship are you in?

In a world often driven by appearances and material benefits, superficial relationships can subtly creep into our lives, hindering deep connections and emotional fulfillment. 

This article sheds light on the signs that indicate a superficial relationship and explores effective strategies to address and fix these issues. By understanding the red flags and implementing positive changes, individuals can foster genuine, meaningful connections that stand the test of time.

What is a superficial relationship?

First things first, let’s address the superficial relationship meaning. A relationship that isn’t serious or isn’t taken seriously by one or both partners can be called a superficial relationship.

From the very name of such a type of relationship, the bonding or intimacy of such relationships is wholly on the surface level. Such relationships are almost entirely based on physical attractiveness.

Some of the main motives of such relationships are to just have fun-filled times together and sexual intimacy is usually as far as it goes in terms of proximity and connection.

The lack of the desire for long-term commitment is present for either both partners or just one partner. It’s important to learn about such relationships because things can get very awkward and upsetting if one partner wants more out of the relationship, but the other partner doesn’t.  

An easy one among the examples of superficial relationships is sort of like the ones you may have had as a young teen. Those “spring flings” are a great example of relationships that are short-term and based on physical attractiveness.

Simply put, superficial relationships lack depth unlike relationships based on love. Such relationships do progress beyond a one-night stand situation but don’t extend beyond sleeping together.

15 signs of a superficial relationship

Now that we’ve covered what does superficial mean in a relationship, let’s move on to the signs including some of the things you might hear your partner say to figure out whether you’re in a superficial relationship.

Here are 15 common superficial relationship signs

1. Lack of intimacy beyond sexual intimacy

Let’s understand superficial love meaning in terms of intimacy.

Sex is important in romantic relationships. However, in serious relationships, it’s not the only important aspect. For superficial relationships, it’s different. Sex is probably the only important aspect of that connection. In fact, the connection may just be physical and/or sexual.

As already mentioned, superficial relationships are sort of like a fling where you or your partner may be drawn to each other based on how physically attractive you perceive each other to be. So, superficial relationships involve a lot of sexual intimacy.

2. It just feels convenient

What comes to your mind if you’re asked why you’re with your beloved? Is it because the relationship with your partner just feels “convenient”? If convenience is the first thing that occurs to you or your partner when asked about the relationship, it may be superficial by nature.

There is a certain component of safety when it comes to superficial relationships. You may find your partner to be helpful in your life and vice-versa. Maybe either or both of you feel that your basic needs are being met and that you don’t require any emotional fulfillment from it.

3. An on-again-off-again situation

Another sort of indirect sign of a superficial relationship is that you and your partner have broken up and patched up multiple times. Basically, you’re in an on-again-off-again sort of relationship. Ask yourself why either of you keeps coming back to each other.

One of the reasons for this breakup and makeup cycle may be due to one of the partners pushing for commitment and the other backing out.  

4. Friends with benefits 

This is another one of the key signs of a superficial relationship. If you or your partner believe that you’re both single and just mingle with each other when you want to have sex, then you’re basically friends with benefits.

There’s no dating, no meeting outside the living space to just hang out, no deep conversations, no getting to know each other in a ‘friends with benefits’ situation. It’s just sex.

5. Withholding information

Another subtle sign of superficial relationships is the habit of withholding information from each other. This is not to suggest that your partner may be doing this intentionally. 

They may just not think it’s important to share information with you about their life, work, loved ones, their feelings for you, and so on.

The unwillingness or the idea that it’s not important to talk to one’s partner is a subtle sign that your partner may be considering the relationship to be a short-term, surface-level relationship.

6. Lack of communication

Communication is mostly broken down in surface level relationships. You can call it superficial communication, as well as it never goes beyond a certain level.

Think about the kind of conversations that you have with your partner. What do you both talk about and how often do you communicate with each other? Is the communication regular, direct, and open? Do you both talk about your feelings or your thoughts or your aspirations?

The reason that you’re reading those questions and wondering about the answers is that in superficial relationships, communication (both non-verbal and verbal) is lacking. This is not to say that the partners don’t communicate at all. No. They do. But it lacks depth and regularity.

Here’s how you can fix a lack of communication in your relationship. Watch this video by Relationship & Marriage Consultant Geoffrey Setiawan:

7. No discussions about the future

One of the top signs of a superficial person and a surface-level or casual relationship is that the partners don’t have any conversations about the future.

If you have brought up conversations about the future of the relationship quite a few times but your partner has deflected the conversation or hasn’t answered, it may be because the relationship isn’t serious to them.

8. Out of sight and out of mind

A common aspect of being in love or sharing a strong friendship with someone is that you do think about them even when they aren’t physically present or talking to you (on the phone, text, video call), right?

But if you notice that either you or your partner do not think about each other (for even a few fleeting moments) when you’re not physically present with each other, it may be because of the superficial nature of the relationship.

9. Lack of understanding

Because a superficial relationship lacks the scope for deep conversations about feelings, fears, thoughts, ideas, etc., there is a natural gap in understanding each other.

Think about this: does your partner really know much about you or understand you? Do you feel understood? If not, it may not be very serious.

10. Not caring about the other’s needs

Since there is an overall lack of communication and lack of emotional connection, the desire to care for each other’s needs is also absent in superficial relationships.

In superficial relationships, partners don’t really talk much or enough with each other or spend enough time together or even gauge each other’s needs or desires.  

11. Trivial arguments

An indirect indication of the fact that you may be potentially in a relationship that is superficial is if you notice that the kind of arguments that you have with your partner are trivial in nature.

A serious relationship based on love comes with a fair share of giving and taking. This happens because it is impossible for two individuals to always see eye-to-eye in all situations. But the topic of arguments is more diverse and requires compromises and sacrifices. 

However, in superficial relationships, the topics are trivial and immature.

12. Absence of shared values

In a superficial relationship, either one or both partners spend time together to primarily have fun and chill together. There’s also the possibility of having sex.

But when fun is always the key motive, there isn’t much scope to observe, talk about, or verify the values of your partner and vice-versa. That’s why superficial relationships, unfortunately, lack the presence of shared values.

13. Rampant lying

Think about the people whom you deeply care for and respect. Do you find yourself frequently lying or withholding information from them? Probably not, right?

It’s because when it comes to your loved ones, you wouldn’t think it’s right or even necessary to lie to them if you don’t want to spend time with them sometimes, right?

However, in superficial relationships, you may find yourself on the receiving end of very lame excuses in case you’ve proposed to hang out with your partner, but they don’t want to. 

Because your partner may perceive the relationship to be superficial, they may not feel comfortable being honest with you.

14. The attraction that is based solely on looks

Unfortunately, a surface-level relationship is based on how physically attractive two (or at least one) people find each other. As already mentioned, superficial relationships are a lot like crushes or flings.

It’s also important to remember that sex or sexual intimacy and having fun together are the main motives for superficial relationships so the main “chemistry” or attraction from at least one partner is just based on looks.

15. Having an open relationship

Now, this is not to say that all open relationships are superficial relationships. No. Absolutely not.

The point here is that if you’ve heard your partner opine that they wouldn’t mind if you dated someone else or slept with someone else while being with them, it can be indicative of the fact that they aren’t serious about the relationship.

How do you fix a superficial relationship?

Discover how to cultivate a more meaningful romantic bond with your partner, transcending superficiality. Follow these five valuable tips:

• Prioritize quality time and plan regular date nights to nurture your relationship intentionally.
• Embrace vulnerability by sharing your flaws and true personality, fostering a deep soul connection.
• Reflect on your financial dynamics, as financial safety and clarity play a pivotal role in relationship growth.
• Communicate your expectations honestly and transparently to foster a mature partnership.
• Engage in shared activities and pursue common interests to strengthen your bond and align your goals.

Additional questions

Let’s explore the intricacies of superficial dating and relationships a bit more with these informative questions. These are some of the frequently asked questions surrounding the dynamics and challenges of superficial romance.

• What is superficial dating?

Superficial dating refers to a relationship where the focus is primarily on external factors such as looks, status, or material possessions, rather than on deeper emotional connections, compatibility, and shared values.

• Are superficial people narcissistic?

While superficiality and narcissism can sometimes overlap, it is not always the case. Superficial people may prioritize external appearances but not necessarily exhibit the inflated sense of self-importance and lack of empathy commonly associated with narcissism.

Removing the superficiality

Superficial relationships have a tendency to break because a strong bond did not get established in the first place. If you wish to have a serious relationship, it’s worthwhile to consider doing a course on how to have a serious romantic relationship. You may even consider some couples counseling.

Licensed Psychologist and Coach Silvana Mici says that, 

What you can do to transform a superficial relationship is to start firstly by fostering deeper emotional connections through genuine conversations, active listening, and shared vulnerability. Prioritize authenticity and mutual understanding to cultivate a more meaningful and fulfilling connection.

Remember that a romantic bond with a deep emotional connection is always more fulfilling than a beneficial equation between two people. You should make an effort to pursue a more wholesome relationship in your life.