21 Signs of a Tumultuous Relationship and Ways to Fix It

Relationships are like roller coasters, filled with ups and downs, twists and turns. We’ve all experienced that turmoil in relationships when our once serene love story suddenly feels like a stormy battleground.

The signs of a troubled or tumultuous relationship can be subtle or glaringly obvious, leaving us questioning if it’s worth the effort to fix it or simply let go. 

But fear not, for there is hope! By recognizing some common signs and implementing effective strategies, we can navigate the stormy seas and emerge stronger, more connected, and more resilient than ever before. Keep reading to know more.

What is a tumultuous relationship?

Let’s understand the tumultuous relationship meaning through the lens of experts.

As per Allo Health, A tumultuous relationship is defined by its frequent arguments, fights, and misunderstandings, creating an emotional roller coaster that can leave us drained and impact our mental well-being. The constant turmoil and discord can take a toll on our overall health, leaving us longing for stability and harmony.

To define a tumultuous relationship or to be in a tumultuous relationship is to be like a ship sailing in a storm. It’s a turbulent relationship with a very uncertain future due to lots of disagreements and fights, ups and downs, and confusion.

Does your relationship feel like a rollercoaster?

If so, then you are most likely in a tumultuous relationship, and you have emotional and physical agitations that you don’t know how to deal with.

Being in a relationship or a marriage like this is not easy at all. You never know what’s around the corner, and you’re always living in expectation of the next fight.

Maybe you’re even living in fear of breaking up because you feel it’s inevitable, yet you are too afraid to leave the relationship or marriage because you don’t want to be alone.

These relationships can be very toxic for both partners, but at the same time, they can be very passionate, and this is what makes it so hard to break up.

What are some benefits of being in a tumultuous relationship?

After learning the tumultuous relationship definition, it’s time to see if there are any positive derivatives of such partnerships. 

While tumultuous relationships are often associated with chaos and emotional turmoil, it’s important to recognize that there can be unexpected benefits hidden within the storm. 

These benefits, although not always apparent, can provide valuable lessons and growth opportunities for individuals navigating through the rough waters of love. 

Here are 5 surprising advantages that can arise from being in a tumultuous relationship:

Heightened emotional intensity

Tumultuous relationships have a way of intensifying emotions, which can lead to profound self-reflection and a deeper understanding of our own desires, boundaries, and needs.

Increased resilience

What does tumultuous mean in the context of relationship resilience? 

Constant challenges and conflicts in a tumultuous relationship can strengthen our resilience, teaching us to bounce back from adversity and develop better-coping mechanisms.

Improved communication skills

Frequent arguments and misunderstandings require us to work on our communication skills, fostering greater clarity, empathy, and the ability to express our emotions effectively.

Enhanced self-awareness

The highs and lows of a tumultuous relationship can serve as a mirror, forcing us to confront our own flaws, triggers, and patterns of behavior, leading to personal growth and self-improvement.

According to Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor:

Experiencing the ups and downs of a challenging relationship often leads to enhanced self-awareness. This turbulence can act as a mirror, revealing personal flaws, triggers, and behavioral patterns, ultimately fostering personal growth and self-improvement.

Deeper relationship understanding

Despite the chaos, a tumultuous relationship can provide a profound insight into the complexities of human connections, allowing us to develop a deeper understanding of ourselves and others.

21 signs of a tumultuous relationship

Confused whether your relationship is a tumultuous one or not. Check out these signs to be sure.

1. It feels like a rollercoaster all the time

You have the most amazing time on Saturday, and then by Monday evening, you are breaking up and throwing things at each other, only to kiss and make up and spend a passionate night together.

Then tomorrow morning, the reality kicks in, and here we go again with endless and hurtful fights.

2. You keep fighting over the same things

This is definitely a sign of a tumultuous relationship, and it’s also a sign that you have developed an unhealthy dynamic.

If you feel stuck and you notice the pattern of the fights that usually revolve around the same things, you need to slow down before your relationship ends ugly.

3. You really hate things about your partner

This is a serious one about tumultuous relationship examples. We all have some habits that we dislike in our partners, but if you feel a strong feeling of hate towards them because of something they do, or their characteristics, it’s a red flag.

The passion is probably keeping you tied in this tumultuous relationship, but what is the point if you can’t stand them outside the bedroom most days?

4. You’re pretending things are okay

Pretending is one of the emotional turbulence examples when it comes to relationships.

If we pulled up your rug, we would probably find a pile of unresolved issues you have been trying to push and hide for ages.

As Grady Shumway further explains:

Pretending that everything is okay in a relationship often masks unresolved issues that have been accumulating over time. This pretense can lead to growing resentment and bitterness, creating a toxic environment that undermines the relationship’s health.

What happens is that over time these issues just multiply and breed resentment which is a recipe for disaster, and it’s a very poisonous feeling that can make you and your partner very bitter.

5. You can’t breathe without each other

To define a tumultuous relationship, all you have to do is look at your behavior and feelings when you’re apart and when you’re together.

If you can’t stand being apart, yet you keep fighting when you’re together, it’s a very obvious sign you’re overly dependent on each other, and you are not a good fit for each other either because you cause irritation and anger when you’re together.

6. You break up and make up all the time

When people break up, it’s usually because they are aware they are not a good fit for each other, but people in a tumultuous relationship or a tumultuous marriage break up and get back together soon after.

This is so because they are either afraid of being on their own, or they are just too dependent on the other person, and although they know the relationship is toxic, they would rather stay in it than be on their own for a while.

7. You fake it in public

There are so many couples who look like they have it all figured out:

They look perfect. They show affection in public, smile on IG pictures, and post exciting things they do together. Yet when they are home by themselves, the masks slip off, and they go back into their tumultuous relationship where they fight all the time and make each other feel awful.

8. Bored to death

Boredom is a very obvious sign you might not have a future together after all because if you can’t have a good time when you’re alone and together, what is the point of being in a relationship with this person?

9. You badmouth each other

Nothing worse than partners talking trash behind each other’s back. Not only is it ugly and disrespectful, but it is also ruining your reputation, and you will find it very hard to find true friends who will trust you later on.

If you have a problem with your boyfriend or girlfriend, solve it at home.

10. You keep trying to change each other

Nobody is perfect, and we can’t expect perfection from others when we alone are not saints. People stuck in this relationship keep trying to change each other, and this is not a good thing at all.

We should help our partners grow and better them and better ourselves, but if we try to change their habits just because they annoy us, it’s a sign of deeper dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

11. You have “backup plans”

You’re together, but you are texting with other guys or girls means you are not 100% committed to the relationship you’re in. Why is that?

Maybe your intuition is telling you it’s not the right person for you and you should meet someone else.

Whatever the case might be, one is for sure: either break up and date others, or stop texting and be loyal and faithful to your partner because you can’t do both at the same time.

12. Things aren’t hot anymore

If your sex life has drastically changed in the last couple of months, it’s time to sit down and see what’s not working.

Tumultuous relationships and tumultuous marriages are not fun to be in. When we’re not happy with another person, we are not attracted to them, so a lack of good sex life is definitely a warning sign.

13. Lack of trust

A very obvious yet often ignored sign of an unhappy and tumultuous relationship is a lack of trust. 

Do you keep texting them to see where they are, and you get upset if they don’t reply straight away? Or are they always checking who you are with, and when are you coming home? 

Yup. It is unhealthy and very tiring to be in a relationship with no trust.

14. You don’t have dates anymore

No matter how busy life gets, partners always have to prioritize their relationship or marriage because if they don’t, they will pay a high price. Make time for each other and go on dates as often as you can. 

If you are not going on dates anymore, there is something wrong there. Try to talk about it and stop looking for excuses not to make it happen. Look for ways to make it work.

15. Fantasizing about others

When we’re not happy with what we have, we look for things we think will make us happier. We think of other people, and we imagine ourselves dating others. 

If you often catch yourself thinking how your life would be different if you were dating someone else, you are 100% not happy in your relationship or marriage.

16. Where are you going?

Do you ever talk about the future? Do you make long-term plans together? 

Not having a long-term purpose in your relationship is a sign you don’t see yourself together in the next 5 or 10 years, and if you’re unhappy now and definitely don’t plan to stay together for a longer time, what’s the point?

17. It’s superficial

All humans are visual beings, and we love seeing attractive people. That’s a fact. 

But you know your tumultuous relationship is destined for disaster if you can’t have a proper conversation together. You lack a deeper connection, and you feel you are not on the same page when it comes to “serious” questions. 

If you can’t share significant and deep stuff with your partner, you will always feel there is a lack of understanding, and this is a dead end.

18. You’re questioning yourself

This sign is a subtle one and often overlooked. Tumultuous relationships can be very manipulative, and when things like this start to happen, we question ourselves and start doubting ourselves. 

If you feel you’re less worthy, or you keep asking yourself if you are doing the right thing, or even thinking what your partner wants you to do, and you do this instead of what you really want, it’s clear as a day you’re trapped.

You need to set yourself free before you lose yourself completely to this toxic relationship.

19. You snap easily

If everything seems like a trigger to you, something is wrong. When there is dissatisfaction on a deeper level when we’re truly unhappy with our relationship or marriage, we are triggered by the smallest things, and we’re triggered all the time. 

Things can be pushed under the rug for way too long, and this is exactly the reason we use any opportunity to snap at each other and just vent out and hurt our partner.

Grady Shumway highlights that:

If you find yourself snapping easily at your partner over minor issues, it may be a sign of deeper dissatisfaction. Persistent unhappiness in a relationship often causes heightened sensitivity and frequent irritability as unresolved issues build up over time.

20. Holding the grudges

If you are someone who is gathering ammo for a long time just to shoot and kill when the next argument happens, you’re in a tumultuous relationship for sure because holding grudges is a very common thing. 

We always remember times we were hurt or betrayed, and then we use these memories to hurt the other person. 

It’s like a snowball– a fight can start over something small, but it keeps rolling, and you keep adding oil to the fire in the rage, just wanting to hurt them as much as possible.

Psychologist Jordan Peterson explains how resentment can poison your mind. Watch now:

21. Unresolved past issues

If there are unresolved issues from the past that continue to resurface every now and then and create a cycle of repetitive conflicts and emotional triggers, it’s another sign of being in a tumultuous relationship. Failure to address and resolve these unresolved issues can further deteriorate the situation. 

How to fix a tumultuous relationship or tumultuous marriage?

Repairing a tumultuous relationship or marriage requires dedicated effort, open communication, and a willingness to address underlying issues. While it may seem daunting, there are effective strategies that can help mend the broken pieces and restore harmony. 

Here are seven ways to navigate the path toward healing:

• Be ready for compromises

Be willing to make compromises and accept critique from your partner. If you both want this to work, you will both have to give up parts of your character and implement new habits that will bring you closer.

• Be open

It’s easy to define a tumultuous relationship, but it’s very hard to admit we are in one. Be honest with yourself and talk about this to your partner. Tell them how you feel, how you are irritated by the smallest things, how you are not happy, and want things to be better.

• Adopt a change in your attitude 

You will see that once you change your attitude and approach them with an open mind and open heart, truly wishing to save the relationship or the marriage, they will too feel your energy and will soften and be more receptive to your suggestions.

• Treat them well

A tumultuous relationship is a burden that’s stopping both partners from living a fulfilling and happy life. You can change this if you, first of all, change how you behave and how you treat your partner. 

Treat them the way you would want them to treat you, and you will see your patience and care, affection, and understanding. You will see your relationship transforming into a harmonious unity.

• Prioritize open and honest communication

Create a safe space for open dialogue, active listening, and expressing feelings without judgment. Effective communication is the foundation for understanding and resolving conflicts.

• Seek professional help

Consider couples therapy or marriage counseling to gain guidance from a trained professional who can provide unbiased insights, tools, and strategies to rebuild trust and restore the relationship.

• Set healthy boundaries

Establish clear boundaries that respect each other’s needs, preferences, and individuality. Boundaries foster a sense of safety, ensuring that both partners feel valued and respected within the relationship.

Some more questions

Navigating through the complexities of a tumultuous relationship can be overwhelming. However, understanding how to address the challenges and when it might be time to consider a different path can empower individuals to find healthier and more fulfilling connections. Here are some additional questions that might help.

• Can a tumultuous relationship be fixed or changed?

Yes, a tumultuous relationship can be fixed or changed with dedication, open communication, professional help, and a willingness from both partners to address underlying issues and work toward growth and harmony.

• How can one break the cycle of tumultuous relationships?

Breaking the cycle requires self-reflection, setting boundaries, seeking therapy or counseling, and learning healthier communication and conflict resolution skills to break destructive patterns and foster a more stable and fulfilling relationship.

• When is it time to consider ending a tumultuous relationship?

Consider ending a tumultuous relationship when there is consistent emotional or physical abuse, no willingness to change or seek help, ongoing feelings of unhappiness, or when the relationship becomes toxic and detrimental to your well-being.

• How can one cope with the challenges of a tumultuous relationship?

Coping involves self-care, seeking support from loved ones or professionals, practicing mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques, setting boundaries, and developing personal outlets such as hobbies or therapy to maintain emotional resilience.

• What are some of the challenges of being in a tumultuous relationship?

Challenges include frequent conflicts and arguments, emotional instability, lack of trust, difficulty in communication, constant uncertainty, negative impact on mental health, and a strain on overall well-being and happiness.

Be determined to improve your situation

In the chaotic dance of tumultuous relationships, finding the path to healing and growth may feel like an uphill battle. Yet, armed with understanding, communication, and a commitment to change, it is possible to transform the storm into a calm sea of love and harmony. 

Remember, your journey towards a healthier relationship begins with self-reflection and taking proactive steps towards a brighter future. Embrace the challenges, seek support, and rewrite your love story with resilience and authenticity.