For some, the words ‘boundaries in marriage’ is a common thing but for most of us, it’s not. If this is the first time that you have heard this term then it’s just right to get familiarized with the importance of setting healthy boundaries in your marriage.
We have often heard about compromising and commitment in a relationship but setting healthy boundaries? Maybe this is the one piece of advice that we have all been missing?
What are boundaries in marriage?
Boundary – a term that we understand and have encountered many times even in our daily lives. Examples of healthy boundaries that we see in our daily lives are stop lights, medicine rules and dosages, work rules, and even the 10 commandments in the Bible. We need similar examples of healthy boundaries in marriages.
Boundaries in marriage are set because of the same reason why we have boundaries to follow in our daily lives. It acts as a warning or a limit that will protect the marriage from actions that will ruin it. If one doesn’t practice setting boundaries in marriage, then it would probably take just a few months to see the effects of having no boundaries at all.
The importance of healthy boundaries in relationships
Boundaries may at first sound like a negative thing but they are not. In fact, setting healthy boundaries are good, because they teach us to understand different situations and how to stay safe in how we act and talk. It’s important to know what our boundaries are there so that we don’t hurt or compromise our relationship with other people including our marriage.
Being able to establish healthy boundaries in marriage will allow both spouses to feel much more comfortable with each other and will eventually help each other develop self-esteem, thus making marriage better and stronger. By knowing the importance of appropriate boundaries in marriage, each spouse would be able to think first before acting or talking. It allows a person to reflect on the things that they might say and what effects it will have in the relationship.
Healthy boundaries in marriage
In order to establish healthy boundaries in relationships, both spouses should have a clear understanding of each other’s personality. This is the basis of every boundary that a married couple would create. As months and years pass, this may change according to what we see in the marriage itself.
We have to remember that marriage is a continuous adjustment of two people and as we are able to practice healthy boundaries in marriage, we also reflect on ourselves and who we really are as a person, a spouse, and ultimately as a parent.
5 Basic healthy boundaries to understand
In setting healthy boundaries in relationships, the first thing that we would want to know is how to start and where to start. Don’t worry because as you go along with these 5 essential boundaries in marriage, you tend to be good in judging as to what type of boundaries you ought to set next.
1. YOU are responsible for your own happiness
You have to understand that while marriage is a two-way process, it’s never the only source of happiness so stop having this mindset. Allow yourself to grow and know that you can be happy on your own and better with your spouse.
2. YOU can have friends even if you are married
One boundary that is often misunderstood is having friends outside marriage. Some boundaries become negative when the feelings involved with it is also negative such as jealousy. You need to let this go and allow your spouse to still have friends outside the marriage.
3. YOU need to open up and have REAL communication
We may all be busy but if you really want something, then you can definitely find some time for it. Never stop communicating with your spouse because this should be the base of your relationship.
4. YOU need to respect your spouse
Some boundaries in relationships get out of hand and can sometimes strip you of rational thinking and can later be a trait where you can no longer respect your spouse as a person. Respect their privacy. Set boundaries that you know where being married stops. For example, even if you are married, you don’t have the right to snoop on your husband or wife’s personal belongings. It’s just wrong.
5. YOU need to be direct if you want something
Speak up and let your spouse know if you want something or if you disagree on things that you both need to decide. Without the ability to express what you feel, then being married is meaningless because a true marriage also means being able to be yourself with this person.
If you think that you are ready to set boundaries in a relationship and want to know how to start, then just follow some of the most basic tips that can help.
- We all know that setting up boundaries is our right and it’s just right to let our spouse know what they are. Communicate because it’s the only way to fully understand each other.
- If you agree on something, make sure that you do it. Sometimes, we can be so keen with words but our actions fail to fall through. Be able to compromise before you promise changes.
- Whatever happens, your actions will be your fault, not your spouse or any other people. As you can see, boundaries start with YOU so it’s just right that you need to be disciplined before you can expect your spouse to respect your boundaries.
- Remember that there are emotional and physical boundaries in a marriage too and this will include boundaries from any abuse and even fidelity. Along with the basics, a person needs to understand their feelings before setting boundaries for their marriage.
Setting healthy boundaries in relationships is indeed a skill to learn and yes – it requires lots of time. Just remember, healthy boundaries in marriage will never come easy but if you and your spouse trust each other, then your relationship will get better over time.