Love is tough. It needs a lot of work to keep a relationship going. These are well-established facts of life. Every relationship is unique because every individual in the world is special in their own way.
However, there is a common occurrence in romantic relationships. Romantic relationships do reach a point when one or both partners may wonder if it’s worth it to stay in that romantic relationship.
If you’re at that stage in your relationship, before giving up on a relationship, take a step back and reflect. The decision to end a relationship is very difficult. It’s best not to take such an important decision hastily.
To figure out when to give up on a relationship, read this article. You may be in a tough and confusing place at this moment, but implementing the 10 points listed in this article will help you gain some clarity about when to fight for a relationship and when to let go.
10 things before giving up on love and your relationship
It can be so difficult to be in this painful and confusing place in your intimate relationship where everything seems so ambiguous. You may be feeling confused and unsure about the future with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner.
Before giving up on a relationship, try to remind yourself that you have the choice to exhaust other options before making a final choice. Breathe. You can get through this. Believe in yourself.
Consider implementing these 10 things before you decide whether you want to leave or stay in your relationship:
When conflicts are resolved in poor ways, are they really resolved? Resentment can develop over time. However, contempt can break relationships.
Resolving issues in a way that is free of contempt is important to prevent you from giving up on a relationship.
Walk down memory lane
This exercise again requires both you and your partner to take a walk down memory lane. To truly fight for what you love, try to think about why and how and what made you fall for your partner in the first place, and vice-versa.
When you’re at such a difficult crossroads in your romantic relationship, it’s necessary to be brutally honest to decide whether giving up on a relationship is the right decision.
Both you and your partner can try to resist falling back on those false narratives such as “she never” and “he always.” Jumping to conclusions, putting your boyfriend or girlfriend in a box, or drawing assumptions isn’t going to help.
Remember that neither of you can read each other’s minds. It may be time to put all your cards on the table and communicate openly and express everything on your mind.
Brutal honesty is the way to clarity.
Imagine your future both with and without your partner
A fool-proof exercise in understanding whether giving up on love is the way to go is to visualize your future. Envision how your life will be if you decide to be with your partner. Compare this vision with how your life will be without your partner.
When you visualize your future life without your partner, you may initially just experience sadness, fear, regret, longing, disappointment, anger, etc. Keeping these painful feelings aside, focus on the rest.
How do you feel apart from the pain? Do you feel relieved that your partner is not in your life? Do you feel like you two were meant to be together? Do you feel this strange resistance about being alone?
How you feel will provide you adequate clues about whether giving up on a relationship is the right choice or not.
Determine if you’re willing to put in the work to make it work
There is no simple answer to the question, ” Should I keep trying to work it out?”
There just isn’t. You and your partner are in control of whether you wish to put in the work to make a romantic relationship last.
While envisioning your future without your girlfriend, did you feel that resistance? That resistance about how it didn’t feel right to be alone? Then it may mean that you’re willing to work on the connection.
The next step to take in this situation instead of giving up on a relationship is to gauge how much work you can put into this. Both partners need to be willing to do what it takes to build a long lasting relationship.
It’s best to reflect on what you can do as a partner instead of focusing on what your partner can do.
Get to the cause of all conflicts and issues
A lot of the time, the battle is won when you simply identify what caused it. What is being referred to here is not about one partner winning and the other one losing.
It’s about your relationship winning the battle against a breakup. You can sit down with your boyfriend or girlfriend and discuss or retrace your steps back to what event led to the present conflicts in the relationship.
Are those root causes worth giving up on dating and relationships? Identify and reflect.
How to give up on someone you love, and should you even give up on that person? A sense of loneliness and distance may often stem from a lack of intimacy. It’s not just sexual intimacy.
Intimacy refers to both the emotional closeness and physical intimacy between you and your partner. It may be time to address what aspects of intimacy scares you and your partner.
What are the aspects of intimacy you both need to work on before giving up on a relationship? Identifying and working on those aspects can help you both build trust and move beyond a bond that simply makes you feel safe.
The substance is important in a lasting relationship.
Relationships may often reach a breaking point due to pent-up resentment. Do you feel like you can write down a long list of problems you have with your partner?
Do you feel like criticizing your partner or policing them when they make a mistake or say or do something incorrect? It may be time to unilaterally disarm.
When you know a relationship is over or when you feel like it is over, think about your role in it. Is it because you have a long list of complaints against your partner or vice-versa?
If so, then it may be time to prioritize being close to your partner rather than proving them wrong. Instead of giving up on a relationship, you may consider being compassionate and patient to feel close to your partner rather than point out their mistakes.
Try to think about how often you’d talk to your boyfriend at the beginning stage of your relationship. What would you two talk about? How long or how often would you talk to each other?
Now answer all the aforementioned questions keeping the present in mind. How much has everything changed? Before giving up on a relationship, you need to pause and reassess with your partner.
Communication is one of the things that takes the strongest blow when a relationship has moved past the initial stages of love and infatuation. Try to schedule a time of the day when you sit and talk to your partner and listen to each other.
It may sound so simple, but you both need to truly listen to each other and openly speak to each other about anything that you wish to talk about. Maybe this exercise can help you reignite your love for one another.
If you need some good tips on improving your communication skills, here’s a wonderful video:
Follow your gut feelings
Last but definitely not least, your gut feelings will tell you whether you should leave a bad relationship when you still love the person or work on that relationship.
Being in tune with your thoughts and feelings is one of the best ways to make difficult decisions in your life.
Intimacy can be intimidating, commitment can be overwhelming, and relationships with substance and love take effort. Your mind and body are well aware of this reality.
Therefore, listening to your gut feelings can help you align yourself with what your mind and body want. Deep down, you know whether giving up on a relationship is the way to go or working on it is what you want to do.
Remind yourself of the amount of effort it takes to love someone truly and deeply to spend your entire life with that individual. It’s okay to feel confused at times. Remember these pointers before taking any important decision!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.