Love can be challenging. It needs a lot of work to keep a relationship going. These are well-established facts of life. Every relationship is unique because every individual in the world is special in their own way.
However, there is a common occurrence in romantic relationships. Romantic relationships do reach a point when one or both partners may wonder if it’s worth it to stay in that romantic relationship.
If you’re at that stage in your relationship, take a step back and reflect before giving up on a relationship. The decision to end a relationship is tough. It’s best not to take such an important decision hastily.
Read this article to learn how to know when to give up on a relationship. You may be in a tough and confusing place now, but implementing the points listed in this article will help you understand when to fight for a relationship and when to let go.
Is it normal to give up on relationships?
Giving up on relationships is not only normal, it may be essential in certain situations.
Relationships cannot be successful all the time as it is difficult at times for two people to adjust to each other’s personalities and choices. They might get into fights or fall out of love with each other.
Even after you feel that you have no future together, continuing a relationship can be frustrating and suffocating. However, it is usually wise to completely mend the relationship before giving up on it.
Should you try to make things work before breaking up?
Relationships require work and giving up on them prematurely can deter your chances of finding long-lasting love.
Couples can develop problems because of complacency or lack of communication. You can address these issues by making an effort to rectify the errors together and reigniting the love between two people.
When should you give up on a relationship depends on whether the problems are solvable or if certain actions can change the relationship’s dynamic for the better.
Making an effort to improve things is important as it lets you know whether there is any hope for things to improve. And it gives you confidence in your decision to give up on relationships.
What to do if you feel like giving up on a relationship?
When you feel like giving up on your relationship, you have to calmly assess the situation and try to understand the reason behind your feelings.
Once you know the reason for your negativity towards your relationship, you can try to find ways to improve the situation by directly addressing the problem. Direct efforts can make a massive difference to the prospects of a relationship.
However, when to fight for a relationship and give up also depends on whether your feelings for your partner are strong. The intensity of your feelings can determine the amount of effort you are willing to put into the relationship.
If your feelings for your spouse aren’t strong enough or your efforts to improve things fail, you can strongly consider ending the relationship at that stage.
20 things before giving up on love and your relationship
It can be so difficult to be in this painful and confusing place in your intimate relationship where everything seems ambiguous. You may be feeling confused and unsure about the future with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner.
Before giving up on a relationship, try to remind yourself that you have the choice to exhaust other options before making a final choice. Breathe. You can get through this. Believe in yourself.
Consider implementing these tips before you decide whether you want to leave or stay in your relationship:
1. Healthy conflict resolution strategies
When relationships change for the worse, it’s often because of poor conflict resolution strategies. The way to handle problems in a relationship is a significant indicator of whether it is a healthy relationship.
When conflicts are addressed in poor ways, are they truly resolved? Resentment can develop over time. However, contempt can break relationships.
Resolving issues in a way that is free of contempt is important to prevent you from giving up on a relationship.
2. Walk down memory lane
Improving the situation may require both you and your partner to walk down memory lane. To truly fight for what you love, try to think about how and what made you fall for your partner in the first place and vice-versa.
Was it a magical moment or a series of events, or was it something your girlfriend said to you? Go back to that cause. Instead of giving up on a relationship, see if the only thing that has dimmed down is the spark that was there at the beginning.
The effort to reignite that spark that was there can help you realize whether the relationship is worth your fight for what you love. If you’re willing to put in that work, it may be worth holding on.
3. Brutal honesty is necessary
When you’re at such a difficult crossroads in your romantic relationship, being brutally honest is necessary to decide whether giving up on a relationship is the right decision.
You and your partner can try to resist falling back on those false narratives such as “she never” and “he always.” Jumping to conclusions, putting your boyfriend or girlfriend in a box, or drawing assumptions isn’t going to help.
Remember that neither of you can read each other’s minds. It may be time to put all your cards on the table and communicate openly and express everything on your mind.
A fool-proof exercise in understanding whether giving up on love is the way to go is to visualize your future. Envision how your life will be if you decide to be with your partner. Compare this vision with how your life will be without your partner.
When you visualize your future life without your partner, you may initially experience sadness, fear, regret, longing, disappointment, anger, etc. Keeping these painful feelings aside, focus on the rest.
How do you feel apart from the pain? Do you feel relieved that your partner is not in your life? Do you feel like you two are meant to be together? Do you feel this strange resistance to being alone?
How you feel will provide you with clues about whether giving up on a relationship is the right choice or not.
5. Determine your level of commitment
There is no simple answer to the question, “Should I keep trying to work it out?”
There isn’t. You and your partner control whether you wish to put in the work to make a romantic relationship last.
While envisioning your future without your girlfriend, did you feel that resistance? That resistance about how it didn’t feel right to be alone? Then it may mean that you’re willing to work on the connection.
In this situation, the next step to take instead of giving up on a relationship is to gauge how much work you can put into this. Both partners need to be willing to do what it takes to build a long-lasting relationship.
It’s best to reflect on what you can do as a partner instead of focusing on what your partner can do.
6. Get to the root cause
A lot of the time, the battle is won when you identify what caused it. What is being referred to here is not about one partner winning and the other losing.
It’s about your relationship winning the battle against a breakup. You can sit down with your boyfriend or girlfriend and discuss or retrace your steps back to what event led to the present conflicts in the relationship.
Are those root causes worth giving up on dating and relationships? Identify and reflect.
7. Identify intimacy issues
How to give up on someone you love, and should you even give up on that person? A sense of loneliness and distance may often stem from a lack of intimacy. It’s not just sexual intimacy.
Intimacy refers to emotional closeness and physical intimacy between you and your partner. It may be time to address what aspects of intimacy scares you and your partner.
What aspects of intimacy do you both need to work on before giving up on a relationship? Identifying and working on those aspects can help you build trust and move beyond a bond that simply makes you feel safe.
Relationships may often reach a breaking point due to pent-up resentment. Do you feel like you can write down a long list of problems you have with your partner?
Do you feel like criticizing your partner or policing them when they make a mistake or say or do something incorrect? It may be time to disarm unilaterally.
When you know a relationship is over or feel like it is over, think about your role in it. Is it because you have a long list of complaints against your partner or vice-versa?
If so, it may be time to prioritize being close to your partner rather than proving them wrong. Instead of giving up on a relationship, you may consider being compassionate and patient to feel close to your partner rather than point out their mistakes.
9. Work on your communication skills
Try to think about how often you’d talk to your boyfriend at the beginning of your relationship. What would you two talk about? How long or how often would you talk to each other?
Now answer all the questions above, keeping the present in mind. How much has everything changed? Before giving up on a relationship, you need to pause and reassess with your partner.
Communication is one of the things that takes the strongest blow when a relationship has moved past the initial stages of love and infatuation. Try to schedule a time when you sit and talk to your partner and listen to each other.
It may sound so simple, but you both need to truly listen to each other and speak to each other about anything you wish to talk about. Maybe this exercise can help you reignite your love for one another.
Watch Former Lawyer Amy Scott as she tries to explain how to build relationships through communicating the right way:
10. Follow your gut feelings
Your gut feelings will tell you whether you should leave a bad relationship when you still love the person or work on that relationship.
Being in tune with your thoughts and feelings is one of the best ways to make difficult decisions in your life.
Intimacy can be intimidating, commitment can be overwhelming, and relationships with substance and love take effort. Your mind and body are well aware of this reality.
Therefore, listening to your gut feelings can help you align yourself with what your mind and body want. Deep down, you know whether giving up on a relationship is the way to go or working on it is what you want to do.
Things to try before giving up on a relationship include asking for help from a therapist.
A licensed professional can help you understand the underlying problem in your relationship and things that can help you improve the health of your relationship.
After talking to you and your partner, a therapist can also help you understand when do you give up on a relationship. They can train you to distinguish between temporary negative feelings regarding the relationship and a lasting one.
When do you give up on a relationship depends on whether there is a real problem in the relationship. If your past is the thing that is getting in the way of your happiness, you need to address it first.
16. Accept change
Change is the undeniable constant that will keep impacting your life. It may change the dynamic between you and your partner.
At what point do you give up on a relationship would depend upon whether you have been able to accept that you, your partner, and your relationship with them will not remain the same.
Accept it instead of lamenting the change in your partner or the relationship. Try to constantly evolve with your partner and learn new things about your partner every day.
17. Avoid comparisons
Women and men giving up on relationships can be expected when they feel dissatisfied with the state of their relationship. Often this feeling is aggravated by making constant comparisons to someone else’s life and relationship.
Your perception of someone else’s relationship can make you obsessively focus on all the problems in your relationship. If you continue the comparisons, you will end up overlooking all the positive aspects of the relationship.
Having a positive approach to things can significantly improve your understanding of your relationship.
If you spend all your time obsessing over all the wrong things in your relationship, you will overlook the right things.
Changing the outlook can significantly alter your relationship so try to focus on all the things that made you fall in love with your partner and the things they do that give you joy.
Giving up on a relationship requires some thought as a hasty breakup can lead to regrets and remorse later. By trying out different methods to heal the relationship, you can be sure that you are making the right decision.
Remind yourself of the effort it takes to love someone truly and deeply to spend your entire life with that individual. It’s okay to feel confused at times. Remember these pointers before taking any important decision!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.