As a part of the wedding party, you know it’s your job to plan the bridal shower, show the groom an awesome last night as a bachelor, and give a few words of wisdom.
Everyone loves funny wedding toast quotes, and funny wedding speeches. Excellent wedding toasts have love, romance, and a witty element braided into them.
Read our selection of cute and funny wedding toast quotes to include in your wedding.
Funny wedding toast quotes
The moment you get married, your freedom, sex life, and happiness are over! Or is it? This is the message that most funny wedding jokes have in common.
If you are looking for best man speech openers or maid of honor speech quotes, consider including some funny marriage quotes. Here are some of the best inspirational and funny wedding toast quotes you can use to make your wedding speech memorable.
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.” – Will Ferrell
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight” – Phyllis Diller
“It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party” – Nick Hornby
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles Schulz
“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.”– Henry Kissinger
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Ann Bancroft
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” –George Burns
“An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her” – Agatha Christie
“True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part.”– Mindy Kaling
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
“Love: a temporary insanity curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce
“There’s only one way to have a happy marriage, and as soon as I learn what it is, I’ll get married again.” – Clint Eastwood
“A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” – Michel de Montaigne
“Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.” – Johnny Carson
Inspirational wedding quotes
The best funny maid of honor speeches have an element of whimsical and romantic in them. When in search of wedding toast ideas, take a look at some of the inspirational wedding quotes to warm the hearts of the audience.
“You don’t need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other’s waves.” —Toni Sciarra Poynter
“To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you are the world.” – Bill Wilson
“Love doesn’t make the world go round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Elizabeth Barrett Browning
“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
“True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – Anonymous
“But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.” – Khalil Gibran
“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” – Martin Luther
“Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.” – Honore de Balzac
“It is a full-time job being honest one moment at a time, remembering to love, to honor, to respect. It is a practice, a discipline, worthy of every moment.” – Jasmine Guy
“Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect. If it’s not based on respect, nothing that appears to be goodwill lasts very long.” – Amy Grant
“When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband entrusting his heart to her has an unfailing prize.” —Proverbs 31:10-11
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” —1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Wedding quotes on love and life
To make a good impression, you need both funny quotes to start a speech and poetic quotes to wrap it up. Consider adding some quotes on love and marriage into the wedding toast.
“If it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.” – Leo Tolstoy
“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” – Barbara Johnson
“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” – Alexander Smith
“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature, and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning, and unquenchable.” – Bruce Lee
“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.” – Dave Matthews
“To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.” – Themis Tolis
“We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.” – Bob Newhart
“The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they’re right if you love to be with them all the time.” – Julia Child
“ But the key to our marriage is the capacity to give each other a break. And to realize that it’s not how our similarities work together; it’s how our differences work together.” – Michael J. Fox
Good marriage wedding quotes
Funny wedding toast quotes are a great way to start the speech or to end it. Wedding speeches need to be amusing. Also, they need to be motivational and bold. To make an impression include both romantic and funny quotes about marriage.
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Joyce Brothers
“Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.” – Amy Bloom
“To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with.” – Mark Twain
“But to sustain a marriage for 50 years, you have to get real a little bit and find someone who is understanding and who you can grow with. My mom always says, ‘Marry the man who loves you a millimeter more.” – Ali Larter
“It doesn’t matter if the guy is perfect or the girl is perfect, as long as they are perfect for each other.” – Good Will Hunting
“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with a person, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” – When Harry Met Sally
“Only one is a wanderer. Two together are always going somewhere.” – Vertigo
“Equal partnerships are not made in heaven—they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time.” ~ Bruce C. Hafen
“Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.” – Franz Schubert
“Marriage, like everything else in the world, is holy or unholy depending on the purpose the mind ascribes to it.” – Marianne Williamson
“Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.” – James Dobson
“When a marriage works, nothing on earth can take its place.” – Helen Gahagan
“Experts on romance say for a happy marriage, there has to be more than a passionate love. For a lasting union, they insist, there must be a genuine liking for each other. Which, in my book, is a good definition of friendship.” – Marilyn Monroe
“Marriage is a risk; I think it’s a great and glorious risk, as long as you embark on the adventure in the same spirit.” – Cate Blanchett
Funny marriage quotes
Funny wedding speeches are unforgettable and create great wedding memories if done properly and with moderation. Funny wedding toast quotes can make a real splash, so be careful not to let any negativity spill onto the couple’s big day. Consider adding some of the funny wedding speech quotes listed here.
“A man is incomplete until he’s married. After that, he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“If love means never having to say you’re sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.” – Estelle Getty
“Love is blind — marriage is the eye-opener.” – Pauline Thomason
“A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.” – Anonymous
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller
“A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.” – Terry Pratchett
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henny Youngman
“Marriage resembles a pair of shears, so joined that they cannot be separated; often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.” – Sydney Smith
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.” – George Bernard Shaw
“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays; I go Fridays.” – Henny Youngman
“Before marriage, many couples are very much like people rushing to catch an airplane; once aboard, they turn into passengers. They just sit there.” – J. Paul Getty
“Every marriage is a mystery to me, even the one I’m in. So I’m no expert on it.” – Hillary Clinton
Witty wedding quotes
Wedding toasts need some witty wedding quotes to be complete. Funny wedding quotes make up funny wedding toasts, but witty wedding quotes make up for a playful and catchy wedding speech.
“Always remember to fight with two words, ‘Yes Dear.’” – Anonymous
“People are weird. When we find someone with weirdness that is compatible with ours, we team up and call it love.” – Dr. Seuss
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner
“Love is a present, so open it happily.” – Sepatu Usang
“If you would be loved, love, and be lovable.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Any fool can have a trophy wife. It takes a real man to have a trophy marriage.” – Allan K. Chalmers
“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates
“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” – Lyndon B. Johnson
“Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.” – Ogden Nash
“Husbands are like fires – they go out when they’re left unattended.” – Cher
“An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.” – Booth Tarkington
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.” – Beverley Nichols
Wedding toast about happiness
To conclude your search for wedding speech quotes, we have selected a list of wedding toast quotes about happiness. Funny wedding toast quotes accompanied by some happiness quotes will undoubtedly fortify your position as the best man or maid of honor.
“Marriage is the most natural state of man and the state in which you will find solid happiness.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert A. Heinlein
“Marriage is the highest state of friendship. If happy, it lessens our care by dividing them, at the same time that it doubles our pleasures by mutual participation.” – Samuel Richardson
“The secret to a happy marriage is if you can be at peace with someone within four walls, if you are content because the one you love is near to you, either upstairs or downstairs, or in the same room, and you feel that warmth that you don’t find very often, then that is what love is all about.” – Bruce Forsyth
“Love one another, and you will be happy; it is as simple and as difficult as that.” – Michael Leunig
“There is only one happiness in life – to love and be loved.” – George Sand
“Happiness is only real when shared.” – Jon Krakauer
“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” – Tom Bodett
“There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day, knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.” – Ronald Reagan
“Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, of hatred, of jealousy, and, most easily of all, the gate of fear.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
Wedding toasts with blessings
You care about the bride and groom and wish them well. However, you might be puzzled about how to put those good sentiments into your wedding toast. Take a look at these wedding toast quotes with classical blessings, and we are sure you will find something useful.
“May your love be like the misty rain, gentle coming in but flooding the river.” – Traditional African Blessing
“May the road rise up to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, The sunshine warm upon your face, The rain fall soft upon your fields, And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.”– Irish blessing.
“May their joys be as deep as the ocean, And their misfortunes as light as the foam.” – Armenian Blessing
“Let’s drink to love, which is nothing—unless it’s divided by two.” – Irish blessing
“Try to reason about love, and you will lose your reason.” – French proverb
“May your love be modern enough to survive the times but old-fashioned enough to last forever.” – Anonymous
“When love reigns, the impossible may be attained.” – Indian Proverb
“No road is long with good company.” – Turkish proverb
“He who treads the path of love walks a thousand meters as if it were only one.” —Japanese proverb
“A life without love is like a year without summer.” —Lithuanian proverb
“Do not measure your marriage by how much love you feel today: measure it by how much love you’ve offered today.” – Glennon Doyle Melton
When looking to make a funny wedding toast, why not incorporate some personal stories about the bride or groom? This is a great way to give the guests a personal insight into the more hilarious aspects of their courtship.
You can leave the anecdotes about crazy ex-boyfriends and girlfriend out of the equation, but feel free to include any adorable or funny moments you have shared or witnessed with the happy couple.
Here are some great wedding jokes and stories you can use as funny wedding toast quotes.
“Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged? I hear they met on the web.”
A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. “Once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?” One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory. “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?” The man yells, “Today’s the day!”
“Did you hear about the two cell phones who got married? The reception was terrific.”
“It’s been ten years since the invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids are nothing to look at either.”
“Don’t be a slow learner! After his husband forgot the wedding anniversary, his wife tells him: ‘You’d better have something in front of the house, tomorrow, which goes from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds.’ The next day, she finds on the road, a bathroom scale.”
“Did you hear about the notebook who married a pencil? She finally found Mr. Write.”
“Marriage is like the army. Everyone complains, but you’d be surprised at the large number that re-enlists.”
My sister Tina was telling her husband, Kay, about a wonderful program she had watched on TV. The show gave a national award to heroic people who put themselves in grave danger to help out someone they hardly knew. Kay replied, “That sounds a lot like getting married.”
“Do you know why the King of Hearts married the Queen of Hearts? They were perfectly suited to each other.”
Wrapping it up
You want your wedding toast to be memorable, flattering, and make the bride or groom laugh. Use these funny wedding toast quotes to add life into your speech, but don’t forget this is a celebration of two people coming together in love, so avoid using any quotes, jokes, or stories that will embarrass or disparage the happy couple.
Remember, funny wedding toast quotes are only a part of the speech, and they have to be introduced with zest and taste.
Have a look at the video given below to get an idea of how can you deliver a hilarious wedding speech.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.