If you want to say you’re sorry, but being vulnerable doesn’t come easy for you, why not put pen to paper and write your feelings out?
Learning how to apologize to your wife is easier when you have the time to think about what you want to say and write it down.
A sincere letter of apology can help mend hurt feelings and show your partner a more intimate, vulnerable side of yourself.
If you are facing a serious issue in your marriage or are separated, you can write out a ‘save the marriage apology letter’ by expressing your apologies and telling her all the reasons you still want your marriage to work.
2. Give your partner a little something
Buying your wife a gift is a sweet and fun way to say, “Sorry for hurting your feelings.”
People love receiving gifts. A token of your affection will show your wife that you were thinking about her and wanted to make her smile.
When learning how to apologize to your wife, know that spending money is absolutely not a requirement.
Gifts of sentimental value, such as framing a photo of the two of you together or making a gesture like playing your wedding song over a speaker, will be enough to warm her heart and revive communication.
3. Re-establish intimacy
Learning how to say sorry is about more than just saying words; it’s about making your partner feel safe and secure in your love.
Emotional intimacy is an important element in building trust.
If your wife is upset that you lied, don’t just ask for forgiveness from your wife; show her that you’re sorry by being honest with her from then on.
Following through with your promises will help rebuild any trust that may have been lost during your argument.
5. Respect your partner’s wishes
Sometimes women have a habit of saying “I just want to be alone” when what they really mean is “I just want you to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright.”
Figuring out the difference between these two can be confusing.
Use your instincts to decipher what your partner needs from you.
Does she want to sit and talk about the issue at hand for an hour?
Does she need your undivided attention, or does she want to be left alone so she can process her feelings?
If your wife says she needs to be alone and she means it, respect her wishes. Do not blow up her phone with calls and texts.
Let her know that whenever she is ready to talk, you will be there for her.
6. Be sincere
Speak from the heart.
Your wife will respond best to whatever way you apologize if you are honest and forthcoming with her.
You do not have to make a showy apology or buy her gifts to win back her love. So long as you are genuinely regretful about hurting her feelings, she will likely be willing to leave the wrongdoing in the past.
7. What to say to your wife when you messed up?
Here are some examples of how to tell a girl your sorry when learning how to apologize to your wife:
“I’m so sorry for hurting your feelings. Tell me what I can do to make things better?”
“I apologize for what happened between us. I never meant to hurt you. Are you open to talking?”
“Breaking your heart breaks my heart. Can we make a plan together to avoid this issue coming up in the future?”
All of these apologies have two things in common.
First, they take responsibility for what happened. Using “I feel” type statements makes the apology feel more personal than just saying “Sorry.”
Second, they end with questions.
Ending your apology with a question keeps the lines of communication open and promotes dialogue between you and your wife. This will help you avoid potential freeze-out situations.
Also, watch this touching short TED talk where criminal defence lawyer Jahan Kalantar offers advice on how to apologise effectively.
When not to say sorry to your partner
Now that you’ve learned DO’S on how to say sorry, you may be wondering if there are any DON’Ts you should be aware of.
The answer is yes.
You should not say sorry to your partner if:
If you are not actually sorry. Women can usually tell when they are being handed a phony apology.
If you don’t understand what went wrong. She will likely quiz you on what the issue is, so get to the bottom of what went wrong before asking for forgiveness.
If the moment is not right. Do not surprise her with a deep conversation about your relationship before a big event or right before she has to leave the house.
Healing and forgiveness
Even after trying your best to fix the situation, you may be left saying, “She won’t accept my sincere apologies.”
Learning how to apologize to your wife may feel unfair at times. Keep in mind that asking for forgiveness from a loved one doesn’t mean that the road to recovery will be easy.
In cases of infidelity, it may take years for your relationship to return to the way it used to be.
Even if your wife has forgiven you, that doesn’t mean that she has healed from what happened.
Living with turmoil in your relationship can be difficult. Hurt feelings and emotional stress don’t make for a happy home, but it is important to remember that healing does not happen overnight.
Your wife needs time to see that you are truly sorry. She needs to spend time with you, process what happened, and grow from the experience.
Be patient and give your wife grace in this trying time.
Learning how to apologize to your wife isn’t always easy.
Forgiveness won’t always come quickly, especially if the pain behind your issues run deep.
When learning how to say sorry, be sure that your words come from your heart. Be honest and sincere in your heartfelt apology.
Choose the right time to say you’re sorry. Do not pick a time where you are both tired or stressed out, and give your partner your undivided attention.
If you aren’t good with verbal communication, write an apology letter to wife.
Make an action plan so that this problem does not come up again in your relationship.
Acknowledge that healing and forgiveness may not be an overnight process.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.