Though nobody means for it to happen, sometimes there is a serious communication breakdown in marriage. Does it feel as though you are two strangers that just pass one another? Does it feel like you would rather talk to just about anybody else than your spouse? Does the conversation seem strained or forced? Though there may be a million reasons that the communication suffers in a relationship, you want to try to pinpoint your individual reason. There are so many circumstances that can lead to this problem, and you want to do your best to fix it before things get really bad.
It is normal for the conversation to waiver at times, so don’t lose hope. You may have things going on completely outside of the marriage that can negatively influence your connection in this way. You may have gone through something on your own, or you may have suffered from some major setback together that caused a riff. Determining what the actual reason was and then working to resolve it is really what matters here. The two of you can get back on track if you work together to overcome the communication breakdown in marriage, figure out what went wrong, and then work to fix it with the right attitude—here are some common scenarios that can lead to this problem in the first place.
1. You don’t put each other first
Though you may have kids, you may have others to make happy, or you may be very involved with your family, you don’t want to come to a point where you don’t put each other first. When you got married it was about the two of you, and though you have other people and other responsibilities in your life you still need to make each other a top priority.
You need to care about each other’s needs, and when this is lacking then the conversation likely is too. It’s easy to fall into this trap but be aware of it and work to make each other a true priority, and when you make this conscious effort you will learn to talk again and overcome this common drift that happens all too easily.
2. You have a traumatic situation happening in your life
You may have lost a loved one, suffered from some sort of injury or setback, have major financial problems, lost a job, or even had a problem in your marriage such as infidelity. You are very aware of this problem because it has caused trauma in your life, but getting to the heart of it and working through it will truly benefit the two of you.
It’s okay to grieve and you need to take your time to feel the emotions, but try to do it together. If you are married then you need each other, so especially in times of need you want to be sure to talk to each other. It’s easy for a communication breakdown in marriage to happen when you’re consumed with a loss or trauma, but this also represents an excellent time to find your way back to each other too.
3. The daily stress takes over everything
You probably don’t realize it but the stress that you feel in other parts of your life is all too often brought into your marriage. You may be suffering from a great deal of stress at work, with your kids, with an aging parent, or any other number of life situations. This stress is easy to internalize or to take out on your spouse, but this will often lead to a breakdown of the two of you talking.
We all have some sort of stress, but working with your spouse rather than making them your punching bag benefits you in so many ways. Work through the stress and know that you are stronger together than you are apart, and that your spouse can help you if you let them.
4. You are no longer intimate or connected
When the physical or emotional intimacy is lacking, then it’s a prime time for a communication breakdown in marriage. You need to make that passion and that connection a priority and identify when it’s not there. You need to work together to ensure that you are on the same page and that you are intimate with one another.
All too often you let this slide because you are so consumed with other aspects of life. Look each other in the eyes, recognize when this is lacking, and then work together to get connected again in this way. It may very well save your marriage and it will surely help you to enjoy good communication and a happier partnership moving ahead too!
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Mary Fisher