This is a tough decision to make. You have tried all avenues to save your marriage, it is evident you were never meant to be together. You are happier in separation than in marriage. It takes time for a willing partner to leave a marriage. It is a physical and emotional investment, in spite all, it is time to let go. Here are a few tips
Have an exit plan
Do not make this plan from an emotional feeling. Allow logic and reasoning to take center stage to give you a leeway that it is the best decision for both of you. Will you financially sustain yourself without the help of your spouse? How will you handle loneliness? What if your spouse moves on, will you be the cause of drama in their lives? You have to contemplate all the consequences of the effects of separation. If you inwardly accept to deal with them then go ahead. It is easier said than done. Theoretically, they are simple but when it comes to practice then it is one of the most difficult situations to handle; although you overcome with time.
Alert your partner
Running away from a marriage builds long court battles and reconciliation talks which might overwhelm you, yet you need time to heal. Let your partner know about your decision, as a matter of fact, have an intimate talk about it to put things clear on some of your reasons as to why you have made such a decision. If he gives you a listening ear, point out the efforts you made to change the situation but it did not bear fruit. This gives no room for a partner to explain himself with an aim of making you change. Research shows few of such partners are genuine in their plea. Stick to your ground.
Design a legal document on co-parenting
In scenarios where children are in the picture, engage the services of a lawyer to help you write a binding agreement on how you intend to take care of the children while you live separately. This allows you to heal without any disturbances from your spouse in the name of seeing the children.
At this time, you are not in good talking terms, let the children’s court guide you in line with the laws of the land that govern children.
Discuss on wealth sharing
If you have acquired wealth together, you have to come up with ways of dividing the wealth. If you are mature, discuss it with your spouse according to the level of contribution or based on who takes custody of the children who automatically has more financial burden than the other. Avoid any verbal agreements, bound to a violation with no commitment leaving you with long court battles which in most case are not successful.
Erase any memories
Anything that reminds you of your partner or the wonderful moments you had together does not allow you to heal. Delete all contacts of your partner’s relatives and mutual friends. As you leave your marriage, the bitter truth is that you are starting life afresh. Avoid visiting places he/she loves lest you bump into one another giving you bad memories derailing your healing process.
Take time to heal
A rebound relationship is detrimental if you have not fully healed from the breakup. Give yourself time; of course, you had a role to play in the failed marriage. This is the time to have a self-evaluation and make a covenant with yourself on what you want to do with your social life. With the right support system around you, the healing process is faster and healthy.
Loneliness is paramount, this is the time to read a motivational book, or involve in some of the activities you postponed because of time. It will not only give you the emotional fulfillment but also builds your social life as a personal development tool.
Making such a decision means you have gone through a lot in your life that might lead to stress or depression. The realities of life dawn on you, you might not be able to handle the loneliness and humiliation by some sectors of the society. Have counseling sessions to make you go through the trying moment without any negative thoughts. At the sessions, you can cry your heart out –it is therapeutic.
Leaving a marriage is not a sign of failure. You owe no one an explanation on your decision. As long as you know it is the best decision and your conscience is clear about it then never mind the negative talk around you.