What Leave and Cleave in Marriage Means & How It Works

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Marriage is a beautiful union between two people who vow to love, cherish, and support each other for a lifetime. But the journey of building a strong and lasting relationship is not always an easy one. 

It requires effort, commitment, and a willingness to put your spouse’s needs before your own. One key concept that can help couples strengthen their bond is the biblical principle of “leave and cleave.” When getting married, it’s important to understand what “leave and cleave in marriage” mean. 

This idea encourages spouses to prioritize their marriage above all other relationships, including their parents and siblings. 

By doing so, couples can establish a strong foundation for their union and cultivate a deep sense of intimacy and trust. In this article, we’ll explore the benefits of “leave and cleave” and how it can help create stronger, more fulfilling marriages. So, let’s dive in!

What does it mean to leave and cleave in marriage?

So, what does leave and cleave mean in practical terms? 

The leave and cleave meaning is a biblical principle that refers to the act of leaving one’s parents and forming a new bond with one’s spouse. 

It means prioritizing the needs of one’s spouse above all other relationships, including those with parents and siblings. Leaving and cleaving involve a deep commitment to building a strong foundation for the marriage and cultivating a sense of intimacy and trust. 

By prioritizing their union, couples can establish a new family unit and grow together as a team. Ultimately, the “leave and cleave” principle is a powerful tool for creating stronger, more fulfilling marriages.

What is the principle of leaving and cleaving in marriage?

The principle of leaving and cleaving emphasizes the importance of prioritizing one’s spouse and building a new family unit that takes precedence over all other relationships. 

While it can be challenging, leaving and cleaving is a key aspect of creating a strong, lasting marriage that is built on a foundation of trust, intimacy, and mutual respect.

• Leaving and cleaving is a biblical principle that is based on Genesis 2:24, which states, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
• The principle of leaving and cleaving emphasizes the importance of forming a new bond with one’s spouse that takes priority over all other relationships, including those with parents and siblings.
• Leaving and cleaving involves a deep commitment to building a strong foundation for the marriage and cultivating a sense of intimacy and trust.
• Leaving and cleaving is not about cutting ties with one’s family of origin, but rather, about establishing a new family unit with one’s spouse.
• Leaving and cleaving can be challenging, especially if a couple’s families are heavily involved in their lives or if there are unresolved issues from the past.
• Leaving and cleaving requires clear communication and boundaries, as well as a willingness to put the needs of the marriage above the desires of other family members.
• By prioritizing their union, couples can establish a new family identity and grow together as a team.
• Leaving and cleaving can help couples navigate difficult times, such as when they face conflict with their families or when they are dealing with external stressors.
• Leaving and cleaving can also help couples create a healthy balance between their family of origin and their new family unit.
• One key aspect of leaving and cleaving is the concept of emotional cutoff, which refers to the process of disengaging from one’s family of origin emotionally in order to form a new bond with one’s spouse.
• The emotional cutoff can be challenging, but it is necessary for couples who want to establish a fulfilling, healthy marriage.
• The emotional cutoff can involve setting boundaries with one’s family of origin, such as limiting contact or establishing clear expectations around visits and communication.
• The emotional cutoff can also involve working through any unresolved issues or conflicts with one’s family of origin in order to move forward and establish a new bond with one’s spouse.
• Leaving and cleaving is not just a one-time event, but an ongoing process that requires attention and effort throughout the course of the marriage.
• Leaving and cleaving is a powerful tool for creating a strong, lasting marriage that is built on a foundation of trust, intimacy, and mutual respect.

How does “leave and cleave” help create stronger marriages?

The phrase “leave and cleave” is often used in the context of marriage to describe the process of leaving one’s family of origin and forming a new family unit with one’s spouse. This process can be difficult, but it is essential for building a strong and healthy marriage. 

Here are 5 ways that leave and cleave in marriage helps create stronger marriages:

1. It establishes the primacy of the marital relationship

By leaving one’s family of origin and forming a new family unit with one’s spouse, the couple is declaring that their relationship is the most important one in their lives. This sets the foundation for a strong and enduring partnership that is not easily swayed by external forces.

Dr. Jenni Schulz, PhD in Psychology, states

Your marriage should be placed above all other relationships in your life, and the leave and cleave principle does just that, making the marriage a priority so it can thrive.

2. It fosters independence and self-sufficiency

When couples leave their families of origin, they are forced to become more self-sufficient and rely on each other for support. This can be challenging at first, but it ultimately strengthens the bond between the couple and helps them develop a greater sense of independence and autonomy.

3. It reduces conflict and interference from family members

When couples are able to establish clear boundaries with their families of origin, they are less likely to experience conflict or interference from family members. This can be especially important when it comes to issues such as parenting, finances, and decision-making.

A study investigates how leaving and cleaving behaviors influence marital and parental outcomes

4. It allows for the creation of new traditions and rituals

When couples leave their families of origin and form a new family unit, they have the opportunity to create their own traditions and rituals that are meaningful and special to them. This can help to strengthen their bond and create a sense of shared history and identity.

Dr. Schulz says,

Part of a healthy marriage is forming your own traditions and routines that are uniquely yours.

5. It promotes personal growth and development

Leaving one’s family of origin and forming a new family unit can be a challenging and transformative experience. It requires couples to confront their own beliefs, values, and expectations, and to work together to create a shared vision for their future. 

This article explores the psychological, social, and cultural factors that shape the transition from adolescence to adulthood, including the process of leaving the family of origin and forming new relationships.

This process can be difficult, but it can also be incredibly rewarding and can lead to personal growth and development for both partners.

Extra questions

Leave and cleave is a crucial process that helps couples create stronger and more fulfilling marriages. Know more here:

• What is an example of leave and cleave in marriage?

An example of leave and cleave in marriage is when a couple decides to move out of their parents’ home and establish their own household. 

This can be a difficult decision, especially if the couple has been living with their parents for some time, but it is an important step in establishing their independence and forming their own family unit.

Once the couple has moved out, they may need to establish clear boundaries with their families of origin to ensure that they are able to make their own decisions and establish their own traditions and routines. 

This may involve setting limits on the amount of time they spend with their parents or being clear about their expectations around holidays and family gatherings.

In addition to establishing independence, leave and cleave in marriage can also involve creating new traditions and rituals that are meaningful and special to the couple. For example, they may start their own holiday traditions, or establish a weekly date night to spend quality time together. 

By creating these new traditions, the couple is able to build a shared history and identity that is unique to their relationship.

Overall, leave and cleave in marriage involves leaving behind one’s family of origin and forming a new family unit with one’s spouse. It requires intention, effort, and a willingness to embrace change in order to create a strong and healthy partnership that is not easily swayed by external forces.

• Shall a man leave and cleave to his wife?

Yes, leaving and cleaving to one’s spouse is an important part of building a strong and healthy marriage. ‘Cleave to his wife’ meaning involves leaving one’s family of origin and forming a new family unit with one’s spouse. 

In a marriage, a husband is expected to cleave unto his wife, which means to remain committed and faithful to her throughout their lives together. It can be difficult for a wife when her husband will not leave and cleave, as he may still prioritize his relationship with his parents.

This process can be challenging, but it is essential for establishing independence, creating new traditions and rituals, and fostering personal growth and development. 

By leaving and cleaving to his wife, a man is able to establish the primacy of his marital relationship and build a lasting partnership that is not easily swayed by external forces.

In this video, we explore the delicate balance of leaving and cleaving in marriage while still honoring your parents. Discover practical tips and insights:

An independent and fulfilling marriage

By leaving behind the families of origin and forming a new family unit with their spouse, couples are able to establish the primacy of their marital relationship, foster independence and self-sufficiency, and promote personal growth and development. 

While it can be a challenging process, “leave and cleave” ultimately sets the foundation for a strong and enduring partnership that is able to weather the challenges of life together.

In order to fully implement the leave and cleave in marriage principle, some couples may benefit from seeking marriage counseling. Through counseling, couples can learn effective communication strategies, conflict resolution skills, and how to set healthy boundaries with their families of origin.